


The Losers Club Chat

by Cant_Help_But_Love_Malec, shanisafan



Series: The Losers Club Chat [1]
Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King, Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Dill - Freeform, F/M, Gen, Lumax, M/M, Mileven, Reddie, Stranger Things crew comes chap 31, The Losers Club, benverly - Freeform, bilverly, it x stranger things, they are best friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-01-31 00:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 54,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12664710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cant_Help_But_Love_Malec/pseuds/Cant_Help_But_Love_Malec, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shanisafan/pseuds/shanisafan
Summary: Trashmouth: I AM A CATCH THANK YOU VERY MUCHBev: we all know that Rich.Eds: Please don't encourage him. We are not lovers.Mikey Mike: I’d date Richie *thumbs up emoji*Trashmouth: Mike...THAT’S GAYStan the Man: Richie, you are bisexual.Trashmouth: Your point?Eds: I'd date Mike, now he's a catch.Bev: who wouldn't date Mike?!Big Bill: i would absolutely date mikeStan the Man: Now that is some relatable content.Mikey Mike: GUYYYYYYYYYSSSS I’M GOING TO CRY!





	1. Beep Beep Richie

**Eds:** Richie, I am tired of my name being Eds in this chat.  

 

_Eddie Kaspbrak set their nickname to Eddie_

 

 **Eddie:** Ah, sweet normalcy.

 

 **Trashmouth:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

_Richie Tozier set the nickname for Eddie Kaspbrak to Eds_

 

 **Bev:** we are not going through this hell again.

 

 **Benny Boy:** UGH!!! You guys don’t!

 

 **Stan the Man:** I will block you both.

 

 **Eds:** But Stan!

 

 **Stan the Man:** We dealt with this for a solid month last year. I will not suffer this pain again.

 

 **Big Bill:** stan will take a lot of pain and bullshit but not this so just leave it i swear to god eddie

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Last time this argument took 20 years off my LIFE.

 

 **Benny Boy:** Mike you are 17.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Exactly, I am negative 2 years old.

 

 **Eds:** You can't all gang up against me and take Richie’s side!

 

_Eddie Kaspbrak set their nickname to Eddie_

 

 **Bev:** Eddie you know it is useless.

 

 **Big Bill:** all of our nicknames in the chat are because of trashmouth accept it

 

_Richie Tozier set the nickname for Eddie Kaspbrak to Eds_

 

 **Trashmouth:** FIGHT ME EDS!

 

 **Eds:** You were gone for so long. Why did you have to come back?!

 

 **Benny Boy:** ‘Tis useless to get involved.

 

 **Bev:** let them settle this lovers quarrel themselves.

 

 **Eds:** BEV!

 

 **Trashmouth:** What’s wrong with being lovers?

 

_Eds is typing…_

_Eds is typing…_

**Eds:** Beep Beep Rich.

 

 **Bev:** just teasing Eddie ❤️

 

 **Trashmouth:** I AM A FUCKING CATCH THANK YOU VERY MUCH

 

 **Bev:** we all know that Rich.

 

 **Eds:** Please don't encourage him. We are not lovers.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I’d date Richie *thumbs up emoji*

 

 **Trashmouth:** Mike...THAT’S GAY

 

 **Stan the Man:** Richie, you are bisexual.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Your point?

 

 **Eds:** I'd date Mike, now he's a catch.

 

_Eddie Kaspbrak set their nickname to Eddie_

 

 **Bev:** who wouldn't date Mike?!

 

 **Big Bill:** i would absolutely date mike

 

 **Stan the Man:** Now that is some relatable content.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** GUYYYYYYYYYSSSS I’M GOING TO CRY!

 

_Richie Tozier set the nickname for Eddie Kaspbrak to Eds_

 

 **Trashmouth:** So I guess Mike is dating everyone then!

 

 **Benny Boy:** How lucky are we?!!!!

 

_Eddie Kaspbrak set their nickname to Eddie_

 

 **Eddie:** Guess you aren't that great of a catch, huh Richie?

 

 **Trashmouth:** That’s not what Mrs. K said last night.

 

 _Eddie,_ _Bev,_ _Benny Boy,_ _Big Bill,_ _Stan the Man,_ _Mikey Mike_ _are typing…_

 

 **Benny Boy:** BEEP BEEP RICHIE!!

 

 **Bev:** beep beep Richie

 

 **Big Bill:** beep beep richie

 

 **Stan the Man:** Beep Beep Dickhead.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Beep Beep Richard!

 

_Richie Tozier set the nickname for Eddie Kaspbrak to Eds_

 

 **Eds:** BEEP FUCKING BEEP ASSHOLE


	2. The Losers Thanksgiving Feast™

**Stan the Man:** Alright, time to plan our annual Losers Thanksgiving.

 

 **Trashmouth:** You mean The Losers Thanksgiving Feast™

 

 **Stan the Man:** Yes.

 

 **Big Bill:** my house as usual

 

 **Stan the Man:** Bill, use question marks.

 

 **Big Bill:** why

 

 **Stan the Man:** That way we know if it is a question or a statement!

 

 **Big Bill:** you knew what i meant though so are we having it at my place

 

 **Stan the Man:** Of course. Where else would we have it?

 

 **Trashmouth:** Could you imagine doing it at my house? Fuck...that would be a shitty time.

 

 **Eds:** **********❤️********** Sorry Rich

 

 **Trashmouth:** Thanks Eds. At least I have you. ** ** ******❤️**********

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Breaking up this precious moment to let you all know I am a vegetarian again.

 

 **Big Bill:** you are an on again off again vegetarian every other week

 

 **Mikey Mike:** DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TURKEYS ARE SLAUGHTERED EVERY YEAR FOR THANKSGIVING, WILLIAM?

 

 **Big Bill:** no

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Me neither but I know it’s a lot.

 

 **Stan the Man:** The National Turkey Federation estimates that 46 million turkeys are killed for Thanksgiving each year.

 

 **Benny Boy:** Resident bird expert here to ruin our day.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** AHHHHHHH! POOR TURKEYS!

 

 **Bev:** well...now I want to be a vegetarian too.

 

 **Trashmouth:** So all I am hearing is that this is the year we make a turducken

 

 **Eds:** What the fuck is a turducken?

 

 **Trashmouth:** Turkey + Duck + Chicken + put them inside each other = TURDUCKEN

 

 **Eds:** 1\. That sounds disgusting. 2. How does Mike and possibly Bev saying they are vegetarians make you think, “more meat”?

 

 **Trashmouth:** I only think of two things in this world: meat and Eddie…

 **Trashmouth:** ...’s Mom.

 

 **Eds:** I hope you choke on your meat.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I don’t have a gag reflex.

 

 **Eds:** BEEP BEEP RICHIE. AHHHHH

 

 **Stan the Man:** Richie is uninvited from The Losers Thanksgiving Feast™.

 

 **Eds:** I second this.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Why must you upset us in this way Richard?

 

 **Trashmouth:** You couldn’t uninvite me if you tried, Stanny the manny!

 

 **Stan the Man:** I will end you.

 **Stan the Man:** Also, ‘uninvite’ is not a word. Uninvited is a word. You could have said, “I cannot be uninvited.”

 

 **Trashmouth:** Always the fucking grammar police.

 

 **Bev:** okay, before this goes any further I’m changing the topic back to thanksgiving. who’s bringing what this year?

 

 **Benny Boy:** Great question Bev!!!

 

 **Big Bill:** babe, want to come over and make the mashed potatoes

 

 **Bev:** sure hun, just tell me when’s a good time and I’ll meet you there ;)

 

 **Trashmouth:** I hate our resident couple. Y’all are gross.

 

 **Bev:** i think you're just jealous.

 

 **Stan the Man:** He is definitely jealous.

 

 **Trashmouth:** JEALOUS OF WHAT

 

 **Bev:** that you're not in a cute relationship like Bill and I.

 

 **Big Bill:** yeah richie

 **Big Bill:** dont be a green eyed monster just because bev and i are a hot commodity

 

 **Eds:** I think it's sweet. They are my favorite cute couple!

 

 **Bev:** thanks Eddie!

 

 **Benny Boy:** ...weren't we talking about who was bringing what?!?

 

 **Eds:** I’ll make the turkey since I am the only one who knows how. As well as a tofu one for our vegetarians. Also a huge salad, and everyone must have some cause it's good for you.

 

 **Eds:** *I'm looking at you Richie*

 

 **Benny Boy:** I can bring rolls and mom made extra cranberry sauce.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I got yams, green bean casserole, and stuffing!

 

 **Trashmouth:** FUCK SALAD

 **Trashmouth:** Also THIS WILL BE THE YEAR I FINALLY MAKE THEE DESSERT

 

 **Stan the Man:** It’s never going to happen.

 

 **Big Bill:** you have been trying to recreate it for 5 years now

 

 **Bev:** wow remember our first The Losers Thanksgiving Feast™?

 

 **Eds:** You mean when Bill cut his hand, Ben caught the potatoes on fire and Rich and Bev stole the turkey...I try to forget about it.

 **Eds:** Except for Rich’s dessert.

 

 **Bev:** yeah, fun times...the dessert made up for it haha

 

 **Benny Boy:** It's something we will remember forever! I'm thankful for that!!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I still have dreams about that incredible concoction of a dessert Richie made.

 

 **Big Bill:** im forever bitter that he didnt write down the damn recipe

 

 **Stan the Man:** It really was the best dessert.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Stan the Man...my heart just fluttered.

 

 **Stan the Man:** I will destroy you.

 

 **Trashmouth:** ANYWAYYYYY, this year...will be the year I successfully make it.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Who’s gonna make sure he writes down the recipe?

 

 **Big Bill:** i did it last year and he almost burned the kitchen to the ground so not me thanks

 

 **Stan the Man:** It is Eddie’s turn.

 

 **Eds:** Fuck me.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Is that a request?

 

 **Eds:** RICHIE SHUT UP!

 

 **Trashmouth:** Just messing with ya Eds. :)

 

 **Eds:** Asshole

 **Eds:** I wish you would do a test dessert on yourself, instead of making us your guinea pigs every year.

 

 **Trashmouth:** THAT IS PART OF THE TRADITION

 

 **Bev:** i like it when we all take a bite of Richie’s creation, praying to whatever deity we believe in that it doesn’t fucking kill us.

 

 **Trashmouth:** It is my greatest honor when no loser dies.

 

 **Eds:** Remember last year when you poisoned Ben?!

 

 **Benny Boy:** Eddie I'm pretty sure it was an allergic reaction!

 

 **Eds:** No way, I saw something somewhere that being poisoned has similar symptoms to severe allergic reactions. People then get diagnosed wrong and then you know what….THEY DIE BEN!!

 

 **Benny Boy:** I don't think that's true!?

 

 **Bev:** who is allowing Eddie to watch the health channel again?

 

 **Big Bill:** richie was supposed to be watching him

 

 **Stan the Man:** Trashmouth is useless.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Protect Eddie from himself!!

 

 **Trashmouth:** I can’t always keep track of Eds.

 

 **Eds:** I don't need a babysitter!

 

 **Trashmouth:** I’m not your babysitter.

 **Trashmouth:** I am your lover, we’ve been through this.

 

 **Bev:** i knew it!

 

 **Eds:** We are NOT lovers. Bev don't encourage him!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** You two would be very cute, Eddie.

 

 **Benny Boy:** I’D SHIP IT!!!!!

 

 **Stan the Man:** Eddie would be a great influence on him. I cannot say the same about Trashmouth.

 

 **Big Bill:** we would actually have competition on who the cutest couple is

 

 **Eds:** What the fuck is happening here.

 

 **Bev:** we can double date!

 

 **Trashmouth:** Let’s give the Losers what they want, Eds!

 

 **Eds:** I'm gone.

 **Eds:** And my name is not Eds.

 **Eds:** OK. Now, I’m gone.


	3. Is Everything Okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie cheers Richie up

****Eddie & Richie chat****

******Eds ❤️:****** Seriously...our names have hearts now?

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** I like it when we match emojis!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** You are so weird.

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Hey Rich…

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Is everything okay? You’ve been pretty quiet on the chat today.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Eddie spaghetti, if all it takes is for little ole me to not be active on the group chat to get one on one text time with you, I should do it more often!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** -.- I’m serious Rich, is everything okay at home? You know how I worry!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Now you’re just saying stuff to pull on my heartstrings boy!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Look, I know you don’t like to talk about it much, it’s fine. I just hate when you lock it all away.

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** As your best friend you can talk to me…or any of us…No one wants you hurting Richie!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Screenshotting you admitting to being my best friend.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Sigh…BECAUSE I AM! I love you, friend.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** : ****Love you too, Eds.

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Also…THAT’S GAY!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** You can keep deflecting but I will continue to pester.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Ughhhhhhh.

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** You always see right through my facade.

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Mom was a bit out of it today, had too much to drink last night and dad…wasn’t around. It was a rough morning and the day hasn’t had many chucks either…

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I’m sorry Rich…how about we go for some ice cream! We can talk more about it if you want? That’s the nice part about having this week off for Thanksgiving!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** It’s okay, I talked it out with Bev and that helped. I really don’t want to bitch about it again.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Oh…okay. Um…no problem.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Ice cream however sounds perfect, it’ll be good to get out of the house :D

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Hooray! I’ll ask the others to see if they want to join.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** I know Bev and Bill are spending the day together so they will most likely be busy doing it.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Richie!!!!!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Eddie!!!!!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** You don’t have to be disgusting all the time.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Wait, by “doing it” I simply meant laundry. Get your mind out of the gutter BOY!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** You are impossible.

 

****The Losers Club Chat****

 

 **Big Bill:** i feel like i have a huge head

 

 **Bev:** your head is normal sized?!

 

 **Stan the Man:** Bill is big headed but does not have a big head.

 

 **Eds:** Hey! Rich and I are going for ice cream. Any takers?!

 

 **Bev:** bill and i can’t now but let’s meet up later!

 

 **Benny Boy:** I’ll need to pass as well. I promised Mom I’d help her around the house today.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I’ve got chores to finish up.

 

 **Stan the Man:** I have some studying to do. However, I agree with Beverly that we should meet up later.

 

 **Big Bill:** yeah everyone can come here and just hang out

 

 **Richie:** I’m not coming over GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT YOU AND BEV HAVE BEEN DOING ALL DAY IN YOUR BED!

 

 **Big Bill:** youre an idiot

 

 **Bev:** beep beep Richie.

 

****Eddie & Richie chat****

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Think you can handle getting ice cream with just me?

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Still seems like a great idea.

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I must really be craving ice cream :)

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** You are such a cutie pie Eds. Sure you aren’t craving me? :P

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Hurry and meet there before I change my mind.

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ALSO I AM NOT CUTE and don’t call me Eds!!!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Okay okay I’ll see you soon!

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** And Eddie…thank you. You’re the best.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Anytime Richie!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** See you in a bit Eddie ‘cutie pie’ spaghetti.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I hate you.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** LIAR! You said you love me!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I don’t know what you are talking about.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** *sends screenshot*

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Did you try to send a photo? Because it just looks blank to me. :)

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** One day you will admit to being lovers.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** See you in 5, asshole.


	4. Secret Ninja

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Losers plan their Secret Ninja gift exchange for the holidays

****The Losers Club Chat****

 

 **Bev:** i will need to take out all my outfits from The Losers Thanksgiving Feast™.

 

 **Stan the Man:** I blame Eddie’s perfect turkey.

 

 **Benny Boy:** Do you all know what day it is?!

 

 **Stan the Man:** The day after Thanksgiving.

 

 **Eds:** GASP! IS IT TIME ALREADY?!

 

 **Trashmouth:** Oh my god…I have waited all year for this.

 

 **Bev:** DECK THOSE HALLS AND PLAY THOSE CAROLS! IT IS CHRISTMAS BITCHES!

 

 **Stan the Man:** You are the lamest people alive.

 

 **Big Bill:** it isnt even december yet

 

 **Mikey Mike:** You 4 do this every year.

 

 **Benny Boy:** It is never too early to plan for the holidays!!

 

 **Trashmouth:** Yeah! Where is your Christmas cheer assholes?!

 

 **Stan the Man:** I left it in my kippah.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** If I was standing next to Stan, I would give him a fist bump for that.

 

 **Stan the Man:** *fist bump emoji*

 

 **Mikey Mike:** *fist bump emoji*

 **Mikey Mike:** I am so honored to have gotten an emoji from Stanley Uris.

 

****Stanley & Richie chat****

 

_November 24, 2017_

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Hey Stan the Mannnnnnn

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** What do you want, Richie?

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Guess what time of year it is?

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** The day after Thanksgiving, so what?

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** We went over this in the Losers group chat.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Wait a minute. Richie, you cannot do this to me again.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Happy 31 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Shit.

  


** **The Losers Club Chat chat** **

 

 **Stan the Man:** Richie is torturing me with a Christmas countdown again.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I don’t know what you are referring too.

 

 **Big Bill:** he does this bit every year just let it happen stan

 

 **Eds:** Remember when he used to do it to you in person? Much worse.

 

 **Stan the Man:** I feel such a powerful urge to murder him though.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Deep breathes dear Stan.

 

 **Bev:** so…is it too early to start listening to Christmas music?

 

 **Eds:** Whoops. Literally listening right now.

 

 **Bev:** you are my hero. Eddie! Can we decorate your room again this year?!

 

 **Eds:** Totally! Come pick me up and let’s go buy Christmas stuff we don’t need!

 

 **Bev:** be there in 10.

 

 **Trashmouth:** EXCUSE ME! I WANT TO COME!

 

 **Bev:** Rich, i am currently sitting next to you and just asked if you wanted to come.

 

 **Trashmouth:** But Eddie didn’t invite me!

 

 **Stan the Man:** Go take your Christmas decorating nonsense to a separate chat.

 

 **Eds:** Sorry Stanley!

 

****Eddie & Richie chat****

****Rich ** **❤️**** :**** I WANT TO COME CHRISTMAS SHOPPING!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Oh my god…you are such a child.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** I am not going unless you invite me.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I guess you aren’t going then! :)

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** I can feel my heart breaking.

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** The darkness closing in

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Eddie doesn’t truly love me.

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** What do I do?

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Where will I go?

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** YOU ARE THE BIGGEST DRAMA QUEEN.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** How will I live?

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Jesus fucking Christ…

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Richie, would you like to come Christmas decoration shopping with me?

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** You don’t have to beg me Eds.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I cannot handle you.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Is that a challenge?

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** RICHIE WHY ARE YOU THIS WAY?!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** You bring out my true self.

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** And yes, I would love to go shopping with you.

 

****The Losers Club Chat chat****

**Big Bill:** i love that my best friend and my girlfriend are friends

 

 **Bev:** we have been friends for 4 years hun.

 

 **Big Bill:** I know it just makes me so happy

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I love sappy Bill.

 

 **Benny Boy:** Except for Eddie, Stan, Richie and Bill…we’ve all known each other the same amount.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Alright, I am invited to go shopping. All’s right with my world.

 **Trashmouth:** Wait a minute…EDDIE IS MY BEST FRIEND BILL!

 

 **Bev:** no silly, he is your lover.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Oh right, carry on Big Bill.

 

 **Eds:** HOW DOES THIS GET BROUGHT UP EVERY COUPLE DAYS??

 

 **Bev:** don’t fight it Eddie!

 

 **Benny Boy:** So when are we doing Secret Santa?

 

 **Mikey Mike:** *Secret Ninja

 

 **Big Bill:** for our jewish friend

 

 **Benny Boy:** Oh right! Sorry, Stanley. I mean Secret Ninja.

 

 **Stan the Man:** I am used to it with you people.

 

 **Trashmouth:** So I’m organizing picking the names for Secret Ninja, correct?

 

 **Eds:** NO WAY RICH

 

 **Big Bill:** no way in hell

 

 **Bev:** keep dreaming.

 

 **Benny Boy:** Nice try Richie, but you’ve been banned from organizing the names.

 

 **Eds:** Yeah, after that one time where you only wrote slips of paper with your own name!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** That was the funniest year.

 

 **Stan the Man:** Mike is always encouraging chaos.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I would have gotten away with it too if y’all kept your yaps shut.

 **Trashmouth:** It’s called secret ninja. Keyword being SECRET!

 

 **Eds:** It’s called being selfish.

 

 **Big Bill:** the point is youve been blacklisted

 

 **Trashmouth:** It was three years ago!

 **Trashmouth:** Let it gooooooooooooooooo

 

 **Benny Boy:** Turn away and slam the door.

 

 **Eds:** I’m sorry Ben, but what?

 

 **Benny Boy:** I don’t care what they’re going to say…

 

 **Trashmouth:** Isn’t saying random shit my thing?

 

 **Benny Boy:** Let the storm rage on…

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Put it together you two…think Disney.

 

_Bev and Benny Boy are typing…._

 

 **Benny Boy:** The cold never bothered me anyway!!

 

 **Bev:** the cold never bothered me anyway!

 

 **Benny Boy:** Nice Bev!

 

 **Bev:** why thank you!

 

 **Big Bill:** why frozen though its terrible

 

 **Bev:** just for that I’m making you watch Frozen later.

 

 **Big Bill:** fuck

 

 **Mikey Mike:** It was a perfect opportunity, one can’t just pass on it.

 

 **Stan the Man:** They should have passed.

 

 **Bev:** don’t listen to them, Ben!

 **Bev:** there’s never a wrong time to bring up disney.

 

 **Eds:** Not that that wasn’t…something, but can we get back to Secret Ninja?

 

 **Bev:** i nominate Ben to be in charge of names or Stan.

 

 **Stan the Man:** No, thank you. I am putting up with all of this.

 

 **Bev:** okay…back to Ben!

 

 **Eds:** We don’t have to do it if you don’t want Stan. :,(

 

 **Stan the Man:** When did I say I did not want to? I love receiving presents.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Stop upsetting Eddie and being an asshole Stan.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Richard, lay off my Stan.

 

 **Stan the Man:** Sometimes my sarcasm comes out as indifference. I am sorry, Eddie.

 **Stan the Man:** Also, Mike is my favorite human.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** ;)

 

 **Eds:** It’s okay! I just want to make sure everyone wants to do it.

 

 **Stan the Man:** I enjoy Secret Ninja!

 

 **Eds:** PHEW!

 

 **Benny Boy:** Alright! At school, we will each grab a slip of paper and get a Secret Ninja!


	5. Surprise Party for Eds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise Party for Eds Chat:  
> Father Bill - Bill Denbrough  
> Mother Bev - Beverly Marsh  
> Brother Stan - Stanley Uris  
> Sister Ben - Ben Hanscom  
> Grandpa Mike - Mike Hanlon  
> Wannabe Lover - Richie Tozier

****Where is Eddie Chat - Bill, Bev, Ben, Richie, Stan, Mike****

**Father Bill:** i lost eddie again

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** He’s with me!

 

 **Brother Stan:** We should have known.

 

_November 28, 2017_

 

_Richie Tozier renamed the group SURPRISE PARTY FOR EDS_

 

 **Mother Bev:** awwwwwwww. i liked the previous name of this chat.

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** Why did we call it “Where is Eddie”?

 

 **Sister Ben:** He left his phone at home and we spent the day trying to find him.

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** It was the longest day of my life.

 **Wannabe Lover:** I can’t live without him.

 

 **Father Bill:** we get it you love him

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** DON’T SASS ME DENBROUGH!

 

 **Mother Bev:** then we kept it because we somehow lose him once a week.

 

 **Brother Stan:** A surprise party for Eddie is a terrible idea.

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** Why?!!!

 

 **Brother Stan:** Eddie’s favorite day is his birthday. If we spend the day ignoring him for some big surprise, he is going to hate us.

 

 **Mother Bev:** let’s do it and we won’t ignore the fact that it’s Eddie’s big day…

 **Mother Bev:** we’re just not really going to acknowledge it!

 

 **Brother Stan:** That makes zero sense. He is going to be extremely mad.

 

 **Father Bill:** i cant wait to make him mad

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** He is the cutest when he is angry.

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** That’s my line Mike.

 

 **Sister Ben:** You are all mean.

 **Sister Ben:** But also I’M IN!!!

 

 **Brother Stan:** It is our funeral.

 

 **Mother Bev:** that’s the spirit…sorta.

 

 **Sister Ben:** So what exactly is the plan?

 

 **Mother Bev:** well what is something Eddie would enjoy?

 

 **Sister Ben:** Hmm, definitely something where we can all be together.

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** There goes my idea, it’s not suitable for a group…

 **Wannabe Lover:** Well maybe it is but I don’t think Eds would be into it.

 

 **Brother Stan:** I am not sure what you are talking about and I do not want an explanation.

 

 **Mother Bev:** hun, what about a movie in your garage? we can decorate the place and project a movie on the wall.

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** That sounds great or if Bill can’t, we can have a picnic at the farm!

 

 **Sister Ben:** BOTH!!!

 

 **Mother Bev:** elaborate Ben.

 

 **Sister Ben:** We can have an outdoor movie night and picnic at Mike’s farm. I’m sure I can build something that we can use to project the movie outside.

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** WE CAN MAKE ALL HIS FAVORITE FOODS!

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** So in other words, I am making all of Eddie’s favorite foods?

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** EXACTLY!

 

 **Father Bill:** thats a really good idea its something different and i think eddie would appreciate it

 

 **Brother Stan:** Your punctuational errors are horrendous.

 

 **Father Bill:** let me live stan

 

 **Mother Bev:** all in favor say I!

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** I FUCKING DO!

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** I

 

 **Sister Ben:** I

 

 **Brother Stan:** Aye

 

 **Father Bill:** i

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** What the fuck is aye?!

 

 **Brother Stan:** Traditionally, when an assembly of people vote they are saying what sounds like “I” but it is actually “aye”. How are you in AP English IV and AP Government with me?

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** School is easy. Boring and easy. Why are we talking about school? We should be talking about EDDIE!

 

 **Mother Bev:** yes! so Rich what’s Eddie’s favorite movie?

 

 **Sister Ben:** STOP EVERYTHING! Eddie just messaged the group chat? What to do?!

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** Reply!

 **Grandpa Mike:** He doesn’t know we are planning anything.

 

 **Sister Ben:** Right, okay sorry. I panicked.

 

****The Losers Club chat****

_November 28, 2017_

 

 **Eds:** This chat is really dead considering what day it is!!

 

 **Big Bill:** what day is it

 

 **Trashmouth:** What’s so great about a Tuesday?

 

 **Eds:** You guys, look at the date!

 

 **Benny Boy:** It’s November 28th.

 

 **Trashmouth:** You’re early by a month Eds, Christmas is in December!

 

 **Stan the Man:** You are all exhausting.

 

 **Eds:** IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!

 **Eds:** IT’S MYYYYYY DAY!

 

 **Trashmouth:** Well that ain’t no Christmas.

 

 **Bev:** happy birthday Eddie ❤️

 

 **Mikey Mike:** You know we wouldn’t forget! Happy birthday!

 

 **Benny Boy:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY EDDIE!!!!

 

 **Big Bill:** hbd eddie

 

 **Stan the Man:** Happy birthday to you, Eddie.

 

 **Trashmouth:** So what does Eddie Spaghetti have planned for the big day?

 

 **Eds:** Thank you ❤️

 **Eds:** Not much, my day is pretty clear.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Oh sounds sad, alright catch up later. I’m out.

 

 **Benny Boy:** Yeah, mom is dragging me shopping. Enjoy your day Eddie.

 

 **Bev:** yeah i’m off too. we should try to meet up later. Eddie. love you!

 

 **Big Bill:** same need to do things

 

 **Eds:** Oh…alright then.

 

****SURPRISE PARTY FOR EDS **Chat - Bill, Bev, Ben, Richie, Stan, Mike** ****

**Brother Stan:** This is the most feeble-minded group to ever exist.

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** Subtlety is not our strong suit it would seem.

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** He’ll be fineeee.

 

 **Mother Bev:** no he won’t but nothing we can do now.

 **Mother Bev:** now again, what is Eddie’s favorite movie?

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** He tells everyone that his favorite movie is The Wizard of Oz but it is actually Footloose.

 **Wannabe Lover:** He also loves it when we do Disney Drinking games.

 

 **Sister Ben:** That is wrong on so many levels.

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** Why?!

 

 **Sister Ben:** Because Disney is pure!

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** Have you seen the Little Mermaid Castle? It is literally shaped like a dick.

 

 **Sister Ben:** BEEP BEEP RICHIE. WHY?!

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** It is important to educate you Benny Boy.

 

 **Sister Ben:** I came here to plan a surprise party and I’m feeling so attacked right now.

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** Stop corrupting Benjamin.

 

 **Father Bill:** i vote the wizard of oz

 

 **Brother Stan:** I agree, it is a great movie.

 

 **Mother Bev:** wait…can we please dress up as characters from the movie?!

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** Beverly…have I told you recently that YOU ARE A GENIUS?!

 

 **Mother Bev:** you could say it more often.  <3

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** I CALL THE WIZARD!

 

 **Sister Ben:** Mike the Great and Powerful Oz!

 

 **Brother Stan:** I will fight anyone for the Tin Man.

  

 **Wannabe Lover:** Wow Stan, who know you were such a big Wizard of Oz fan.

 

 **Brother Stan:** I relate to the Tin Man because we are both heartless.

 

 **Father Bill** : stan is most savage to himself

 **Father Bill:** love yourself stanley

 

 **Brother Stan:** I will love myself, if you use proper punctuation and capitalization.

 

 **Father Bill:**  i guess youll never love yourself then

 

 **Mother Bev:** well i love you Stanny!

 

 **Brother Stan:** I love you too, Bev.

 

 **Mother Bev:** :)  <3

 **Mother Bev:** wait… i better not have to be dorothy just because i am the only lady.

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** I see no lady here, just a bad ass bitch.

 

 **Mother Bev:** thanks husband!

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** Anytime wifey! And Eddie will be Dorothy.

 

 **Mother Bev:** good because i want to be the wicked witch!

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** And I will bring an outfit for him and steal his toto stuffed dog.

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** EDDIE HAS A TOTO STUFFED ANIMAL?! THIS PLEASES ME SO MUCH!

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** Oh shit, that was not supposed to get out.

 

 **Sister Ben:** Richie, don’t reveal Eddie’s secrets when he cannot defend himself in this chat.

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

 

 **Father Bill:** my son eddie is the cutest lad in the world

 

 **Mother Bev:** we raised him so well :)

 

 **Father Bill:** also i am the cowardly lion

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** I will be the scarecrow

 

 **Mother Bev:** because the scarecrow and dorothy are in love!

 **Mother Bev:** i see where you’re going with this Mr. Tozier ;)

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** Why must you expose me like this?

 

 **Sister Ben:** Hold on…who am I going to be?

 

 **Mother Bev:** my sister!

 

 **Sister Ben:** GLINDA?! I don’t know.

 

 **Mother Bev:** oh Ben, please, it would be the best!

 

 **Brother Stan:** Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** Benjamin the Good Witch!

 

 **Sister Ben:** As much as I would love to be Bev’s sister…I own nothing pink.

 

 **Brother Stan:** The North and South witches, and East and West witches, respectively, are sisters.

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** Stan the Man fucking loves this movie.

 

 **Sister Ben:** Nor do I have a crown or wand.

 

 **Father Bill:** i got you covered

 

 **Sister Ben:** Bill…what?

 

 **Father Bill:** shhhhhh dont ask questions

 

 **Mother Bev:** just accept it Ben!

 

 **Sister Ben:** Okay, I’ll be Glinda!!

 

 **Mother Bev:** i’ll be loving you ;)

 

 **Sister Ben:** Hahahaha Sneaky!!

 

 **Mother Bev:** Ben and i will serenade Eddie with songs from Wicked.

 

 **Sister Ben:** I’ve heard it said, that people come into our lives for a reason

 

 **Mother Bev:** bringing something we must learn and we are led to those who help us most to grow

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** If we let them and we help them in return

 

 **Brother Stan:** Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true

 

 **Father Bill:** but i know im who i am today

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** Because I knew youuuuuu

 

 **Father Bill:** i dont even like wicked but have it memorized because bev once spent two months listening to it nonstop

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** Also, that was the cutest thing we have ever done it makes me wanna vomit.

 **Wannabe Lover:** I am screenshotting it for Eddie to look at later.

 **Wannabe Lover:** OH SHIT!! HE IS SEPARATELY TEXTING ME!

 

 **Mother Bev:** be normal and answer him!

 

 **Brother Stan:** Richie is going to fuck this all up.

 

****Richie and Eddie chat****

******Eds ❤️:****** Richie, what the fuck was that in the group chat?

 

 **Rich _❤️_ :** What? We are all just busy today.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** What exactly is it that you have to do Rich?

 

 **Rich _❤️_ :** I took up tennis.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Tennis…

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Richie, you don’t do sports. You get winded walking up stairs.

 

 **Rich _❤️_ :** That’s probably from my smoking.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Yes, yes it is!

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I’ve told you this before. Smoking is a disgusting habit that is a killing machine. Do you know what’s in them? You and Bev are so smart, you two should know better.

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Wait, you are distracting me from my main reason for messaging you. Why are you all blowing me off?

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ON MY DAY!

 

 **Rich _❤️_ :** We aren’t blowing you off! Everyone just…

 **Rich _❤️_ :** Um…forgot?

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Wait, what?! You forgot?? How could you forget?!

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I literally wouldn’t stop talking about it!

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Did you just ignore me whenever I opened my mouth?

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** So you forgot MY BIRTHDAY which is shitty enough but none of you can come celebrate with me??

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Richie!! Don’t fucking ignore me!

  

****SURPRISE PARTY FOR EDS**   **Chat - Bill, Bev, Ben, Richie, Stan, Mike****

**Wannabe Lover:** HE IS SO MAD AT ME! I CAN’T DO THIS!

 **Wannabe Lover:** I’M GOING TO TELL HIM!

 

 **Father Bill:** be strong richie

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** I AM WEAK!!!!

 

 **Brother Stan:** I knew you would fuck this all up.

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** Richard, this was your idea.

 

 **Mother Bev:** what’s happening, Rich?

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** He is accusing me of ignoring him every time he mentioned his birthday BUT THAT’S NOT TRUE!

 **Wannabe Lover:** I NEVER IGNORE EDS!

 **Wannabe Lover:** I WOULD IGNORE YOU ASSHOLES BEFORE I EVER IGNORED HIM!

 

 **Sister Ben:** That was strangely sweet, but I’m a little hurt by that.

 

 **Mother Bev:** chill Richie! just go back and talk to Eddie. he’ll be so happy later.

 **Mother Bev:** just think about the apology

 **Mother Bev:** you two will kiss and make out in no time

 **Mother Bev:** *make up

 **Mother Bev:** damn that autocorrect :)

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** SHUT UP BEVERLY! I DON’T NEED YOUR SASS EITHER!

 **Wannabe Lover:** Alright, going back to texting him.

 **Wannabe Lover:** Fuck me I’m scared.

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** To quote you earlier “he’ll be fine” I’m proud of you Richie, we are here to support you.

 

 **Brother Stan:** I am not.

 

 **Sister Ben:** Yes, Rich you can do this. It’s your gift to talk your way out of things!

 

****Richie and Eddie chat****

**Rich _❤️_ :** Eddie, love of my life, candy apple of my eye, of course I didn’t forget your birthday.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** You just told me you forgot Richie.

 

_Eddie Kaspbrak set their nickname to ROYALLY PISSED_

 

 **Rich _❤️_ :** Don’t be like that Eds. I can totally do something later. But like later later. Ok?

 

 **ROYALLY PISSED:** What the fuck does later later mean?!

 

_Eddie Kaspbrak set the nickname for Richie Tozier to #1 JACKASS_

 

 **#1 JACKASS:** EDDIE!!!

 

 **ROYALLY PISSED:** It doesn't matter anyway, I don't want to put any of you out. Whatever.

 

 **#1 JACKASS:** It does matter! Your birthday matters! You matter!

 

 **ROYALLY PISSED:** Just not enough considering how EVERYONE is too busy.

 **ROYALLY PISSED:** It’s fine, I’ll just spend the day with my mom.

 **ROYALLY PISSED:** I can hear all about how cake can give me cancer and have a lovely piece of salad pie.

 

 **#1 JACKASS:** Sounds like the perfect day! Salad pie and Mrs. K time.

 

 **ROYALLY PISSED:** -.- Yeah, bye.

 

** **Bill and Eddie chat** **

**Eddie:**  Bill, you’ve been my friend the longest!

 **Eddie:** You couldn’t have forgotten my birthday, so what is going on?

 

 **Big Bill:** i didnt forget buddy im just busy today

 

 **Eddie:** Fucking Hell. Whatever Bill.

 

** **Beverly and Eddie chat** **

**Teddie:** Beverley Marsh, please tell me you ALL didn’t forget it was MY DAY.

 **Teddie:** Because I know we care way too much about one another to forget such things? Right?

 **Teddie:** Bev?

 

 **Bear:** after school, we will get you a cupcake and celebrate just us, i promise. i can’t speak for everyone else.

 

 **Teddie:** Ok, sure Bev.

 

****Stanley and Eddie chat****

**Eddie:** I expected you of all people to remember my fucking birthday, Stanley.

 **Eddie:** You remember some of the most useless facts but MY DAY you completely forget.

 

 **Stanley:** There is no need to get personal.

 

 **Eddie:** UGH!

 

****Mike and Eddie chat****

**Edward:** Mike, please give me some answers here. I’m in the dark with what is going on and I just have to believe something has happened and it isn’t that my birthday is such a big inconvenience to you all?

 

 **Michael:** You are not an inconvenience my lil lamb!

 **Michael:** I thought I would have free time today but it turns out I don’t.

 

 **Edward:** Fine.

 

****Ben and Eddie chat****

**Eddie:** Ben, can you please tell me why everyone is pretending like they are way too busy today? Did I do something?

 **Eddie:** Is everyone mad at me?

 **Eddie:** If you don’t want to celebrate my birthday it is okay. Just have the damn decency to tell me because we all know no one is busy!

 

****SURPRISE PARTY FOR EDS****

**Father Bill:** who got an angry eddie disappointed text?

 

 **Mother Bev:** oh yeah, it was brutal.

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** I have never felt so much guilt in my entire life.

 

 **Brother Stan:** I forgot that Eddie is more honest and blunt than Trashmouth.

 

 **Father Bill:** and i forgot that he has perfected picking the exact words to crush your very soul

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** I TOLD YOU! I want to cry.

 

 **Sister Ben:** I couldn’t answer because I fear confrontation and might start to actually crying. Lowkey wondering if I should dump my phone in the toilet.

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** Ben, no.

 

 **Mother Bev:** he is also under the impression we forgot his birthday?

 

 **Father Bill:** yeah whats that about

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** Um…

 

 **Mother Bev:** Rich!! please tell me you didn’t tell Eddie we forgot his day?!

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** I may have…perhaps mentioned…possibly…that we all forgot.

 

 **Brother Stan:** You never cease to out idiot yourself.

 

 **Father Bill:** damn it richie

 

 **Brother Stan:** I told you all this was a bad idea. Did I not tell you? I definitely did.

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** This is what we get for wanting mad Eddie. I think we need to abort this mission.

 

 **Sister Ben:** We should just give up and tell him!!

 

 **Mother Bev:** calm down kids, it will be fine. after school, i’m taking Eddie for a cupcake, after that Mike can text us to come over to the farm where you all will be waiting to surprise him!

 ** **Mother Bev:** ** it will all make sense to Eddie and he will realize that Rich is an idiot and we didn’t actually forget HIS DAY.

 

****The Losers Club chat****

**Eds:** Thank you all for the most wonderful day! I will never forget this. ❤️

 **Eds:** I would also like to take this moment to apologize for my behavior towards you all during the day.

 **Eds:** I said some hurtful things that I didn’t mean. Also, for ignoring you in classes we share and refusing to sit with you at lunch. I love and appreciate you all so much!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Soft loving Eddie is the best Eddie.

 

 **Eds:** That being said, don’t ever fucking surprise me again because this whole situation could have been avoided if I just knew the plan.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Texted too soon.

 

 **Bev:** all is forgiven Eddie! yea, we will definitely keep that in mind.

 

 **Stan the Man:** I told them you would hate it.

 

 **Big Bill:** shut up stan

 **Big Bill:** love you eddie

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Love you my lil lamb!

 

 **Benny Boy:** No need to apologize Eddie. Although, I’m taking myself out of ever throwing a surprise for you. My heart couldn’t take such stress.

 

 **Trashmouth:** LOVE YOU EDS

 

 **Eds:** Not my name.

 

 **Bev:** it was a cute plan but my poor smol son can’t deal with change.

 

 **Eds:** I AM NOT SMALL.

 

 **Big Bill:** literally smaller than all of us

 

 **Stan the Man:** This is what I was saying all day, Eddie is fragile at this age.

 

 **Eds:** Fragile?! Stan, I’m a year younger than you and officially the same age as everyone in this group….give or take a few months.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Awwwww, look at my small cutiepie trying to be perceived as an adult.

 

 **Eds:** Shut up, Richie! I’m more of an adult than you.

 

 **Big Bill:** youve upset him now come on richie just agree with him

 

 **Eds:** Don’t patronize me.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Ohhhh, turn 17 and suddenly using big words…look Eds, when you’re pushing 18 you see the world differently. I wouldn’t expect you to understand as you’ve just turned 17.

 **Trashmouth:** You may think you’re an adult but you’re still just a child.

 

 **Bill Big:** enjoy your youth

 

 **Mikey Mike:** It will fly by lil lamb and before you know it, you’ll be wishing for the “simple days” back.

 

 **Bev:** don’t worry Eddie you have us here to guide you through this journey.

 

 **Eds:** I hope you all realize how moronic you sound.

 

 **Big Bill:** thats no way to talk to your elders

 

 **Benny Boy:** I read somewhere this is the age they start “mouthing off”.

 

 **Bev:** we raised you better than this young man!

 

 **Stan the Man:** Turning 17 has changed you.

 

 **Eds:** I feel this is a not so subtle way to punish me for my earlier behavior. I will not partake in this insanity any longer. Goodnight my friends who are only a couple of months older than me.

 

 **Bev:** he’s pushing us away already.

 

 **Big Bill:** i think he needs a lecture because this new attitude hes coming out with is not working for me

 

 **Stan the Man:** He did have a long day.

 

 **Benny Boy:** Too many sweets before bed.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** The lil tike is probably so exhausted.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I’ll gladly give him a spanking

 

 **Benny Boy:** Took it too far.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Beep Beep Richard.

 

 **Big Bill:** Inappropriate

 

 **Stan the Man:** Can we ban Richie from this chat again?

 

 **Bev:** sigh, what do you expect from lovers though?

 

 **Eds:** YOU ARE ALL THE WORST! Good Night losers!

 

****Richie and Eddie chat****

**ROYALLY PISSED:** Thank you for an amazing day. I’m so so so sorry I got mad earlier.

 

_Eddie Kaspbrak set the nickname for Richie Tozier to Rich is not a Jackass_

 

_Eddie Kaspbrak set their nickname to Eddie_

 

 **Rich is not a Jackass:** Don’t worry about it! You are cute when you are angry.

 

 **Eddie:** Stop it. I’m not cute.

 

_Richie Tozier set the nickname for Eddie Kaspbrak to Eds _❤️__

 

_Richie Tozier set their nickname to Rich ❤️_

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** Yes you areeeeeeee

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Anyway, tonight was so much fun! Watching The Wizard of Oz projected on Mike’s barn, while eating amazing food and surrounded by my best friends was honestly so perfect.

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Even if you made me wear a light blue flannel shirt and white overalls to be Dorothy IN NOVEMBER.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** YOU WERE SO CUTE!!!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** And I can’t believe you told everyone about my stuffed Toto dog, you are a monster.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** You know better than to tell me these things.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I didn’t tell you. You went through my stuff one day and found it.

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Also, can I say I was completely impressed with Ben and Bev! Where did Ben get his outfit?

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** Yeah it was really on point. He got it all from Bill.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Hahahaha Shut up Rich, seriously.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** The one time I am actually not making a joke you give me a genuine ‘Hahaha’.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Why does Bill have a crown, wand, and complete pink outfit?

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** Him and Bev probably role play.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Okay, we don’t need to continue.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** They’re into weird shit.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Stop!

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** 50 shades of Bilverly.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Beep Beep Rich!

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** Okay I’m done lol

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** Oh! I forgot to send the screenshot of the most adorable Loser Club moment from the secret chat that doesn’t include you.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** You have a chat without me?

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** It’s for every time we lose you.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Fair

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** And our nicknames in the group are as if we are your actual family - Bill and Bev are your parents, Mike is your grandpa, Stan and Ben are your siblings.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** That’s so funny.

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** What’s your nickname?

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** *sends screenshot of wicked lyrics moment*

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** YOU ARE ALL HUGE LOSERS!

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** And I love you all for it.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** We love you, Eds, though we all know I love you the most!!!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Haha well don’t tell the others but I love you the most too.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** Screenshotting that and sending it to them individually.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Also….wannabe lover is your nickname in that chat?! Really?

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** I made it “Eds Lover” but Stanley changed it to “Wannabe Lover” until you admit we are lovers.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** HAHAHAHA. GOODNIGHT RICHIE

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** Also not a haha moment. But goodnight sweet prince.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We accidentally posted the chapter when it didn't have everything there. Sorry for any confusion. Thank you for reading!


	6. Trading Secret Ninja

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill gets Eddie to admit a huge confession about Richie.

**Eddie:** Bill, who do you have for secret ninja?

 

 **Big Bill:** why

 

 **Eddie:** Just wondering.

 

 **Big Bill:** thats defeating the point of secret ninja eddie

 

 **Eddie:** Maybe I just want to trade who I got.

 

 **Big Bill:** why not ask ben you know he wouldnt say no

 

 **Eddie:** Because 1. That’s taking advantage and 2. I already did.

 

 **Big Bill:** have you asked anyone else to trade

 

 **Eddie:** No…I just asked people to find out who everyone had…because I don’t like surprises.

 **Eddie:** I’m asking you, as my friend for us to trade!

 

 **Big Bill:** do you not like who you got

 

 **Eddie:** What? No, that’s not it at all.

 

 **Big Bill:** why me eddie

 

 **Eddie:** You know WHY!

 

 **Big Bill:** i know but i want you to say it

 

 **Eddie:** I don’t know what you’re implying.

 

 **Big Bill:** express yourself eddie tell me your feels

 

 **Eddie:** Okay…I feel like you are an asshole.

 

 **Big Bill:** true but not the point

 

 **Eddie:** Jesus Christ.

 

 **Big Bill:** i am god eddie not jesus

 

 **Eddie:** You are the worst, Bill.

 

 **Big Bill:** say it you know you want too

 

 **Eddie:** I hate you.

 

 **Big Bill:** lies do not feed the soul or nourish the heart

 

 **Eddie:** Fine…argh…

 **Eddie:** I know you got Trashmouth and wanted to know if you would trade with me.

 

 **Big Bill:** wrong answer

 

 **Eddie:** What do you mean? It’s the truth.

 **Eddie:** I already got a gift for him!

 

 **Big Bill:** if you lie to yourself how can you be true to who you are

 

 **Eddie:** I don’t know how to respond to that.

 **Eddie:** Stupid writers, you only pull bullshit out of your ass.

 

 **Big Bill:** SAY IT

 

 **Eddie:** Say what? I already told you!

 

 **Big Bill:** come on eddie we both know what im truly asking

 **Big Bill:** as your oldest and one of your closest friends you know you can tell me and ill support you

 

 **Eddie:** FINE

 **Eddie:** Because I like Richie Tozier and I got the perfect gift for him already and secret santa won’t raise any flags!

 **Eddie:** HAPPY YOU BASTARD

 

 **Big Bill:** extremely

 **Big Bill:** i love that my friends are lovers

 

 **Eddie:** Bill, don’t!

 **Eddie:** WE ARE NOT LOVERS!

 

 **Big Bill:** yes you are

 

 **Eddie:** Bill, he has never once truly told me if he likes me.

 

 **Big Bill:** he tells you everyday

 

 **Eddie:** He’s just being Richie, he’s like that with everyone! He’s not actually in love with me!

 

 **Big Bill:** he is definitely not like that with everyone

 **Big Bill:** i think he really really likes you eddie

 **Big Bill:** we need to find out

 

 **Eddie:** No we don’t. Let me wallow in my pining.

 

 **Big Bill:** we can get bev to find out

 

 **Eddie:** For the love of everything that’s good in this world, do not get Bev involved.

 

 **Big Bill:** richie has probably already told her that he is hopelessly in love with you

 **Big Bill:** we tell her and by friday you two will be dating

 

 **Eddie:** Or Bev will ask and give Richie all new teasing material, or worse what if it gets awkward?!

 

 **Big Bill:** eddie…

 

 **Eddie:** Then it’s just this awkward silence between us all day everyday

 

 **Big Bill:** eddie calm down

 

 **Eddie:** Then I can never show my face to him ever again.

 

 **Big Bill:** this is getting intense

 

 **Eddie:** And we can only hang out in big groups to erase the forever awkwardness that has been planted by this confession…why did you make me do this Bill? Why would you ruin our friendship…

 

 **Big Bill:** Eddie! it didnt happen you have to breathe buddy i can hear your beating heart from my house

 

 **Eddie:** You capitalized my name and used an exclamation point. Who are you and what have you done with Bill?

 

 **Big Bill:** you made me do it with your panic attack

 

 **Eddie:** Sorry, sometimes my imagination gets away from me.

 

 **Big Bill:** no kidding

 **Big Bill:** are you in love with him because this seems more like love not a crush

 

 **Eddie:** What, love Richie?! Bill come on…of course not.

 **Eddie:** Well, maybe.

 **Eddie:** No.

 **Eddie:** Yes.

 **Eddie:** Unclear.

 

 **Big Bill:** yikes you got it bad for richie

 

 **Eddie:** Promise me you won’t tell anyone?

 

 **Big Bill:** promise

 

 **Eddie:** Thank you! Now can we switch names!

 

 **Big Bill:** sure who did you get

 

 **Eddie:** You’re better half! :)

 

 **Big Bill:** okay just for this you have to help me pick a gift for her

 

 **Eddie:** Done! Thanks Bill.

 

 **Big Bill:** anything to help you and your soon to be boyfriend

 

 **Eddie:** WE ARE NOT BOYFRIENDS. UGHHHHH.


	7. Pathetic Territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beverly wants Richie to admit his feelings to Eddie.

****Richie and Beverly Chat****

**Richie Dear:** Bev…

 **Richie Dear:** Bevvie…

 **Richie Dear:** Beverly!

 

 **Bev Darling:** Rich

 **Bev Darling:** Richy

 **Bev Darling:** Richard!

 

 **Richie Dear:** You spelled Richie wrong! I’m insulted.

 

 **Bev Darling:** i’m not one to follow the rules, Richy!

 

 **Richie Dear:** Neither am I. BUT I DON’T KNOW ANY “RICHY”. They sound like a little bitchy.

 

 **Bev Darling:** you said it not me, just saying.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Oh and wifey…Eddie found out about us skipping Gym class to smoke. Stanley told him. Eds is so pissed at me.

 

 **Bev Darling:** damn it, why would Stan tell?! I thought everyone agreed it would be kept from Eddie.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Stan the Traitor Man did it to punish me for the Christmas Countdown I do every day to him.

 

 **Bev Darling:** oh, well now it makes sense why Stan told. did Eddie lecture yet?

 

 **Richie Dear:** The lecture came in full Eddie Spaghetti glory. Face red, shouting, hands gesturing wildly and then not speaking to me for the rest of the day.

 **Richie Dear:** And yet…he is the cutest person in the world.

 

 **Bev Darling:** only you, in the middle of getting a lecture by an angry Eddie, would think of how cute he is.

 **Bev Darling:** i think this is going from cute and crossing the line into pathetic territory.

 

 **Richie Dear:** How dare you….wait, what do you mean?

 

 **Bev Darling:** you get doe eyes every time he’s around and you’ve gotten sooooo jealous! don’t think I miss the way you practically shoo away Simon everytime he tries to talk to Eddie…

 

 **Richie Dear:** He’s been doing fine without that guy. Simpson should stay in his lane.

 

 **Bev Darling:** simon!!

 

 **Richie Dear:** That’s what I said.

 

 **Bev Darling** : and I know about the secret ninja thing!

 

 **Richie Dear:** What!? I didn’t do anything, I picked a name like everyone else.

 

 **Bev Darling:** no, you “picked” your own name about 5 times before settling on the one you wanted.

 

 **Richie Dear:** So?

 

 **Bev Darling:** you’re not an idiot Richie, so stop playing…

 

 **Richie Dear:** Jokes on you Bev cause I ain’t playing.

 

 **Bev Darling:** -.- haha stop being dumb. look there is no way you picked your name that many times.

 **Bev Darling:** we both know you lied until you got Eddie’s name so you could get a gift for your lover!

 

 **Richie Dear:** I don’t think I appreciate being called a liar, Beverly Marsh. Where is the proof, Miss suddenly I’m a detective?

 

 **Bev Darling:** i see past your bullshit bud. plus when it was your turn to pick, i know for a fact your name had already been chosen.

 

 **Richie Dear:** …what’s your point woman.

 

 **Bev Darling:** my point is that instead of you just liking Eddie, it’s gone to ‘head over heels’ in love.

 **Bev Darling:** you’re pining Rich, don’t be a piner. you’re better than this pathetic mess

 

 **Richie Dear:** Oh but I absolutely know I’m in love with Eddie.

 **Richie Dear:** I got it bad Bev like really bad and I don’t even care to say I know I’m pathetic.

 

 **Bev Darling:** it’s worse than I thought.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Like I cannot look at him without wanting to kiss his face.

 **Richie Dear:** And every time I think MAYBE he feels the same, he tells me to shut the fuck up. So it is obviously all in my head.

 

 **Bev Darling:** it’s not all in your head!

 **Bev Darling:** i see the way Eddie looks at you sometimes as if you’re the most amazing thing on planet earth.

 **Bev Darling:** we should ask and see how he really feels! it will be so cute when he admits he loves you too!

 

 **Richie Dear:** Or he will hate me for making him uncomfortable.

 **Richie Dear:** And not feel the same way.

 **Richie Dear:** Then I will have to leave the state and change my name.

 

 **Bev Darling:** you’re confessing your feelings not to a murder.

 **Bev Darling:** rich, I know it will be scary but I promise you it will be fine. you will either get a boyfriend in the end or finally have some closure!

 **Bev Darling:** it’s been 5 years, something has to be done!

 

 **Richie Dear:** I don’t need closure. Keeping Eddie as my friend is a lot more important than telling him I love him and that I want to be more than friends.

 **Richie Dear:** You 6 are the only ones who care about me in this world and I’m not going to jeopardize that on the off chance Eddie feels the same way about me.

 **Richie Dear:** You should fucking understand that with your own family bullshit.

 

 **Bev Darling:** Rich, CHILL! that got way intense and how dare you pull my family bullshit into this crap just because you can’t fucking grow a pair and say how you feel to him!

 **Bev Darling:** do you really think Eddie is the type to cut you out of his life just like that? cause I know he would never do that to you.

 **Bev Darling:** if you don’t want to say anything then fine, but you have to know that.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Fine. I don’t want to say anything.

 

 **Bev Darling:** fine

 **Bev Darling:** look, i just want the best for you two. You are my dearest, closest friend (tell no one that) who I would do anything for. I want you happy!

 

 **Richie Dear:** Thanks Bevvie.

 **Richie Dear:** You are like a sister to me. Actually, better than a sister because I didn’t get to choose my family, but I did get to choose my friends. Which means I love you more than I could love anyone I’m blood-related too.

 

 **Bev Darling:** aww i love you too, my sweet fun-loving husband.

 **Bev Darling:**  now apologize to me for taking such a low blow and bringing up my family shit for this!

 

 **Richie Dear:** I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that. I’m an asshole.

 

 **Bev Darling:** yes you are but i love you all the same! i too am sorry for pushing the subject.

 

 **Richie Dear:** You’re forgiven!

 **Richie Dear:** So…Eddie looks at me sometimes?

 

 **Bev Darling:** it baffles me how oblivious you are to it! he looks at you like you’re literally the only one there. he has insane heart eyes for you!

 

 **Richie Dear:** So the way Ben looks at you.

 **Richie Dear:** I mean…Bill.

 

 **Bev Darling:** uh huh, just like the way BILL looks at me.

 **Bev Darling:** for the record Ben is totally over me!

 

 **Richie Dear:** It’s adorable that you think that. But sure Bev, I’m the oblivious one. *rolling eyes emoji*

 

 **Bev Darling:** whatever Richy.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Every time you spell it wrong apart of me dies.

 

 **Bev Darling:** haha i’ll be sure to tell Eddie this little trick, maybe even Stan ;)

 **Bev Darling:** your boy toy just messaged in the loser chat asking if we want to get ice cream. Shall we go?

 

 **Richie Dear:** OF COURSE!

 

 **Bev Darling:** now is that excitement for the ice cream or that you get to see your boy?

 

 **Richie Dear:** Listen, Ice cream tastes great but I bet Eddie tastes better.

 

 **Bev Darling:** beep beep Richy!

 **Bev Darling:** that is my sweet innocent son you’re talking about! keep this up and i may not allow you two to date!

 

 **Richie Dear:** But I love him so much it fucking hurts.

 

 **Bev Darling:** i know you do!

 **Bev Darling:** in all seriousness Rich, if i can figure out if Eddie likes you, do i have your permission to totally Cupid you two together!?

 

 **Richie Dear:** I would never believe you. I would think it is a trick because you are a tricky trickster. Eddie would have to say it to my face or kiss me, whatever comes first.

 

 **Bev Darling:** challenge accepted!

 **Bev Darling:** now let’s go get ice cream and try to make it up to him about us skipping gym and smoking.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Ok. But I have $0.00 in the bank soooo help.

 

 **Bev Darling:** i got you hubby

 

 **Richie Dear:** Bless you wife. I’ll make sure to give you a big kiss when I see ya.

 

 **Bev Darling:** see ya soon and looking forward to it!


	8. Do You Know Something?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill can't keep a secret to save his life.

** **The Losers Club Chat** ** 

**Mikey Mike:** Does everyone have their Secret Ninja gift prepared for Friday?

 

 **Bev:** got mine!

 

 **Eds:** Yesss, and it’s perfect!!

 

 **Benny Boy:** Got mine as well, I love this time of year!!

 

 **Stan the Man:** Of course I got a gift. What idiot would risk not having their gift ready?

 

 **Trashmouth:** Inspiration hasn’t hit me yet!

 

 **Stan the Man:** My question has been answered. I am shocked.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I like to keep you on your toes, Stan the Man.

 

 **Big Bill:** some of us had last minute changes but got it done

 

 **Bev:** oh, what happened hun, you were so prepared?

 

 **Eds:** No need to bring up irrelevant information Bill.

 

 **Big Bill:** eddies right important thing is i have the gift

 **Big Bill:** you got yours mikey

 

 **Mikey Mike:** You know I do!

 

****Bev and Bill Chat****

**Bev’s a Babe:** so how come the last minute change in secret ninja?

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** wasnt a fan of what i got

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** you told me you got the perfect gift weeks ago.

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** change of heart almost like i got a completely different person

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** Eddie asked you to switch

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** yupppppp

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** i see, now tell me hun, why did Eddie want to get Richie so badly?

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** how did you know i had richie

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** you all are terrible at keeping secrets and come to me for gift ideas!

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** i didnt come to you

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** the rest did so i know by deduction.

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** fair but really it was me who wanted the person eddie got

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** false, Eddie got me and you hate gift shopping for me.

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** what no i dont

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** you always psych yourself out with finding the perfect gift for me. even though you know i would love anything you got me. plus, i know the pack of nice cigarettes with a lighter you gave me two days ago was Richie’s secret ninja gift.

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** i think you are reading too much into my nice gesture

 **Bill’s my Man:** it was me babe i had the perfect gift idea for you and wanted to trade thats it

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** then why did Eddie go on a witch hunt and ask everyone who they got?

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** because i had richie and he was trying to double trade

 **Bill’s my Man:** for lack of a better term ‘duh’

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** not buying this Bill, maybe i should just ask Eddie why the switch.

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** okay look he wanted richie cause he got a gift for him before the whole secret ninja thing

 **Bill’s my Man:** why put out the extra money

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** he got a gift for Richie, in november i may add, even though we do secret ninja every year?

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** dude is prepared

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** it’s not being prepared, he would have been relying on luck. that’s not like Eddie!

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** why is this so important bev

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** it’s not, i just wanted to know why!

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** you arent looking for why because you arent taking any of my reasons

 **Bill’s my Man:** im not giving you the answer you want

 **Bill’s my Man:** wait a minute

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** because your reasons are lies!

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** babe do you know something

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** um…okay…

 **Bev’s a Babe:** i may know something…

 **Bev’s a Babe:** holy hell, Bill, do you know something?!

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** what is it you think you know

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** i promised i wouldn’t say, but if you tell me what you know…

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** i also promised i wouldnt say

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** Bill just spit it out, we shouldn’t have secrets between us, that’s not part of a healthy relationship!

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** i could say the same thing to you hypocrite

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** yes, but i said it first!

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** if i tell you cant say anything to anyone

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** i promise

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** im serious babe eddie would kill me dead

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** bill, come on! i won’t tell anyone, you know that.

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** ok

 **Bill’s my Man:** this may surprise you

 **Bill’s my Man:** i had my suspicions but im also a writer who creates scenarios in my mind that may not necessarily be true

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** fucking tell me already!!!

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** eddie has some more than friends feelings for richie

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** FUCK YES!! I FUCKING KNEW IT!

 **Bev’s a Babe:** i told him, I told Richie it wasn’t in his head!!

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** richie likes eddie

 **Bill’s my Man:** he told you this

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** Richie tells me everything and yes, one of those things is he is head over heels in love with Eddie!

 **Bev’s a Babe:** i can’t believe they both feel this way!

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** how long have you known

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** um…5 years. i’m sorry, please don’t dump me.

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** WAIT youve kept this secret the ENTIRE time we have been dating?!

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** oh my god…you used punctuation!

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** thats how shook i am

 **Bill’s my Man:** i am ruining my aesthetic for this!!

 **Bill’s my Man:** eddie only told me a few weeks ago and i had to pry it out of him

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** well it’s Eddie, it’s easier getting a turtle to talk than him. unlike Richie, who won’t shut up ever.

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** i cant believe richie felt this way for 5 years and has done nothing

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** he’s been flirting for five years, not his fault!

 **Bev’s a Babe:** i can’t believe they both have feelings for one another and they’re still single.

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** well my dear thats why they came to us because subconsciously they knew we would cave and confess then set a plan in motion

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** well you caved…

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** details

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:**..but you’re right! they obviously came to us for help whether they realize it or not. so operation ‘get these two losers in love together’ is a go!

 


	9. Honesty is Not Cruelty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A major fight breaks out between Eddie and Richie.

****The Losers Club Chat****

**Eds:** BILL!! SIMON ASKED ME OUT!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Eddie! That’s great!

 

 **Eds:** Oh shit…I didn’t mean to message the group chat. Do you see how stress can negatively impact a person?!

 

 **Stan the Man:** Are you going to say yes?

 

 **Eds:** I…I don’t know…

 

 **Big Bill:** thats crazy i knew simon thought you were hot but i didnt think he would actually ask you out

 

 **Bev:** don’t talk about my son like that. Eddie is not hot.

 

 **Eds:** Ouch Bev…

 

 **Bev:** he is cute as a button!

 

 **Eds:** Stoppppp, this really wasn’t meant to be a group discussion!

 

 **Benny Boy:** It’s okay Eddie, it will be awkward but just let him down nicely!

 

 **Bev:** i agree, you’re not ready for this step!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Why is my lil lamb letting him down nicely? He deserves this date! Simon is a good guy!

 

 **Benny Boy:** Wait, I thought that’s what the problem is though? That he’s a guy?

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Benjamin…what?

 

 **Bev:** no my sweet Ben! the problem is he shouldn’t rush into things. They should be friends first…know the person well! a solid friendship is the building block of any great relationship!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Beverly…WHAT?!

 

 **Benny Boy:** Wait just a second!!

 **Benny Boy:** Eddie…umm…are you gay?!

 

 **Big Bill:** ben dont tell me you didnt know

 

 **Eds:** Ben…where the fuck have you been?

 **Eds:** OF COURSE I AM GAY!

 

 **Benny Boy:** Whaaat….you never told us!!!

 

 **Eds:** I didn’t think I had too?! I thought it was really obvious!

 

 **Stan the Man:** You have known him for five years and you could not figure it out?

 

 **Benny Boy:** Well…it’s wrong to just assume! Wow, then you should definitely say yes and go on a date! How romantic!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I can’t believe you didn’t know Ben. I love how oblivious you are.

 

 **Bev:** yes, it is very cute that Eddie was asked out on his first date. But don’t listen to Ben, he didn’t even know you were gay!

 

 **Benny Boy:** I feel like I’m going to really suffer over this mistake.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Why the fuck would you go out with Simon?

 

 **Eds:** Sigh, and this was what I was dreading.

 **Eds:** I didn’t agree yet Richie, it’s just…a thought!

 

 **Trashmouth:** Just a thought? Well fucking unthink it. Simon’s the biggest wet blanket in our grade.

 

 **Eds:** He is not! He is actually really…nice! You don’t have to be cruel!

 

 **Trashmouth:** Honesty is not cruelty.

 

 **Bev:** hey Rich, maybe dial it back a bit!

 **Bev:** but Eddie think about it, Simon is nice, but he also is just that ‘nice’. don’t you want someone who gives you butterflies?! gets you excited!

 

 **Stan the Man:** Beverly, why are you discouraging Eddie from going on his first date?

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Seriously, just let my lil lamb go on a date and see what happens!

 

 **Bev:** i’m not discouraging! i’m trying to tell Eddie he shouldn’t rush into it with the first guy who asks him out. don’t settle!

 

 **Big Bill:** eddie is a big boy who can make his own decisions but i agree with bev he doesnt need to rush into anything

 

 **Bev:** thank you hun! eddie just described Simon as nice! there was no talk of that excitement you get when someone you like actually likes you back! no spark = no chemistry!

 

 **Stan the Man:** You are acting like either you want to go out with Eddie or you know someone else who wants to go out with him.

 

 **Bev:** shut the fuck up Stan, i’m acting like a true friend who wants the best for Eddie.

 

 **Big Bill:** if you break up with me for a gay boy i will be so pissed

 

 **Eds:** OH MY GOD EVERYONE PLEASE WILL YOU JUST

 **Eds:** UGHHHHHHHHH

 **Eds:** Nothing has happened yet and look at you all. Can I just point out not one of you actually asked how I feel about the whole thing!?

 

 **Benny Boy:** Sorry Eddie, and sorry for not realizing you were gay.

 

 **Bev:** sorry Eddie, you’re right and i shouldn’t have disregarded your feelings.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Sorry, Eddie! Whatever you want to do. I support you!

 

 **Stan the Man:** I am sorry.

 

 **Big Bill:** sorry buddy

 

 **Trashmouth:** Well, go ahead then. How do you feel about it?

 

 **Eds:** I…well I…

 **Eds:** ugh the one time you actually do what I ask!!

 **Eds:** I’m confused, okay!

 

 **Trashmouth:** Then don’t fucking do it.

 **Trashmouth:** Either you know or you don’t know.

 **Trashmouth:** That’s how liking a person works.

 

 **Eds:** Alright, we are dropping this. I’m literally never telling any of you things ever again.

 

****Eddie & Richie Chat****

********Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **Got too real for you in the chat?

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** You think? What the hell was all that Rich?

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** “Either you know or you don’t know. That’s how liking a person works”

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** I expected teasing, sure…but seriously?!

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :******** You shouldn’t go out with Simon.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Why?

 

 ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :******** **Why what?

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Why shouldn’t I go out with him, Rich? You’re pretty settled on that answer and I want to know why.

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Do you like Simon?

 

 ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :******** **Eww, don’t insult me like that!

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Can’t you be supportive of me?

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :******** I always support you!

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Then fucking why Rich?

 

 ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :******** **Because…just BECAUSE!

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** That’s not good enough!!

 

 ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :******** **You deserve better that’s why!!

 ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :******** **You deserve to have strong feelings for the person that asks you out.

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** : ********You deserve someone who isn’t boring and mediocre.

 ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :******** **Someone who makes you laugh so hard you cry.

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** : ********Someone that listens to you and is there for you whenever you are hurt.

 ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :******** **You deserve the fucking world, Eddie.

 ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :******** **Good enough for you?

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** …wow…not where I thought this would go.

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Well maybe, just maybe Simon can be all those things for me!

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Maybe I should give him a chance!!

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Maybe I’m just fucking blinded and so fucking confused because the real person I want to actually notice me just doesn’t!!

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :******** Who do you want to really notice you?

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** What? Oh God…No one.

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** I don’t know what I’m saying!

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** You are confusing me!

 

 ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :******** **How am I confusing you? I’m being completely honest here.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** That’s exactly why Richie, because you’re always so damn honest! Words can mean different things to different people. They can affect them more than you realize.

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :******** Sigh…just don’t go out with Simon. For me. Or if you do, I don’t want to fucking hear about it.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Why are you being like this?!

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** You know what, never mind I don’t fucking care. Fine Richie.

 

 ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :******** **Fine Eddie.


	10. An Interesting Theory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the rather tense argument between Eddie and Richie, the other losers try to give them space while also figuring out how to get them to make-up.

****Where is Eddie Chat - Bill, Bev, Ben, Richie, Stan, Mike****

**Father Bill:** well that was a disaster

 

 **Brother Stan:** I blame Beverly.

 

 **Mother Bev:** fuck you Stan! i was just looking out for Eddie!

 

 **Brother Stan:** You put too much pressure on him.

 

 **Mother Bev:** excuse me, i was the only one relieving him of pressure!

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** Stanley, we are all to blame.

 

 **Brother Ben:** Especially me *crying emoji*

 

 **Grandpa Mike:** You are just guilty of having no gaydar, Ben. It’s ok.

 

 **Father Bill:** i was the person he really wanted to text about simon so you all should have left him alone

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** Fuck off. Take this somewhere else. I don’t want to fuckin talk or read about this bullshit.

 

 **Sister Ben:** Someone is moody.

 

 **Wannabe Lover:** Ben I swear to god.

 

 **Mother Bev:** he made a bad joke, he didn’t know what he was doing Rich, ignore it. RUN BEN!

 

****Richie and Eddie are fighting...Again Chat -** **Bill, Bev, Ben, Stan, Mike** ******

**Friend Guru Bev:** i hate and love every time we have to come to this chat.

 

 **Therapist Bill:** thats because you love drama

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** so true!

 

 **Adviser Ben:** Yikes, that was terrifying!

 

 **Counselor Mike:** Do you think Richie is alright?

 

 **Analyst Stan:** No, he is definitely angry.

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** yeah, he didn’t tease Ben once about not knowing Eddie was gay! he gave up a teasing opportunity!

 

 **Adviser Ben:** As much as I will still stand by ‘it could have happened to anyone’ Bev’s right.

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** no my sweets, it couldn’t have but thank you!

 

 **Adviser Ben:** I just don’t get what made him so angry? Does he know Simon enough to hate him?

 

 **Analyst Stan:** I do not think so. The only time I have seen Richie give Simon any attention is when he is trying to keep Eddie away from him.

 

 **Adviser Ben:** Hmmm, okay you guys this may be a total reach. Like something so out there but just hear me out!

 

 **Counselor Mike:** Let it out!

 

 **Adviser Ben:** What if Richie and Eddie like one another!

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** 5 minutes ago you didn’t even know Eddie was gay and now you think Rich and Eddie are crushing on one another? that’s ridiculous!

 

 **Therapist Bill:** that is totally out there ben where did that idea even come from

 

 **Adviser Ben:** Just hear me out! Richie is clearly upset and it happened the moment Eddie sent the message that he was asked out. Rich wasn’t himself at all. Instead of his teasing, obnoxious self…he was strangely Stan like.

 

 **Counselor Mike:** And Eddie went to Bill to ask what he should do, he didn’t want to involve the group!

 

 **Adviser Ben:** Yes! Not because he might be teased for it but because this was more than just being asked out. He also seemed most tense when Richie entered the text and in the end when Rich asked what he wanted…he replied that he’s ‘confused’.

 **Adviser Ben:** Why would he be confused by this, unless he had feelings for someone else?! Richie is jealous because he likes Eddie and doesn’t want Eddie to date, and Eddie is confused because he likes Richie but doesn’t think anything will happen between them.

 **Adviser Ben:** So now he is wondering if he should just go on the date to try and get over Rich. BOOM!

 

 **Counselor Mike:** Wow, I am shook.

 

 **Therapist Bill:** when did you become some love detective ben

 

 **Counselor Mike:** It is an interesting theory!

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** but it’s not a reality. come on, Eddie is just worried because it’s a big step and he worries over everything and Rich knows that. like me, Rich just doesn’t want Eddie to rush into anything. he clearly doesn’t want to go out with Simon.

 

 **Therapist Bill:** here i thought i was the writer of the group that imagination will get you far in the writing world ben

 

 **Analyst Stan:** Are we all going to ignore that Ben used my name as an adjective to describe Richie’s ‘weird’ behavior?

 

 **Counselor Mike:** I actually think Benjamin may be onto something here!!

 

 **Adviser Ben:** Thank you, Mike!!

 

 **Counselor Mike:** I got you Ben!

 

 **Therapist Bill:** i see where you two are going but stan is right

 

 **Adviser Ben:** Thank you, Bill.

 **Adviser Ben:** Wait, what?

**Therapist Bill:** you definitely used stans name as an adjective

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** we should spend time on that. what else is ‘Stan like’?

 

 **Analyst Stan:** Bill and Beverly, you are acting strangely. We have two friends who are clearly going through something weird and you keep changing the subject.

 ** **Analyst** Stan:** Do you both know something?

 

 **Counselor Mike:** Sherlock Stan on the case!

 

 **Therapist Bill:** i think you guys are reading too much into things

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** yeah, let’s focus on trying to make Eddie and Richie stop fighting!

 

 **Adviser Ben:** and become lovers!!!

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** what is your obsession with this Ben?

 

 **Therapist Bill:** yeah ben why are you so obsessed

 

 **Analyst Stan:** I was kidding before, but now I truly believe you two know something. You always joke about them being lovers.

 

 **Counselor Mike:** The plot thickens and this is getting super interesting.

 

 **Therapist Bill:** we are getting way off topic we are supposed to stop eddie and richie from fighting

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** yes, this is the point of this ‘horrible yet super fun’ chat. to help them be friends again and get our group dynamic back on track!

 

 **Counselor Mike:** But also, are we going to ignore that Stan confessed to making a joke?

 

 **Analyst Stan:** Thank you for the acknowledgment, Mike, I am hilarious.

 

 **Counselor Mike:** Funniest person I know.

 

 **Adviser Ben:** Does anyone realize how horrible we are at staying on task! How do we get anything done?

 

 **Counselor Mike:** We usually don’t.

 **Counselor Mike:** Alright, what I think we should do right now is let them cool off and check in tomorrow.

 

 **Adviser Ben:** Do you think they will come to secret ninja?

 

 **Therapist Bill:** they have each other so if they dont it wont affect us

 

 **Analyst Stan:** You are the worst at keeping secrets, Bill.

 

 **Therapist Bill:** i resent that

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** you have no idea.

 

 **Therapist Bill:** and i resent that as well

 

*

 

 **Therapist Bill:** so its been a day any word from the fighting infants

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** nope, this might be the longest Richie has gone without texting me.

 

 **Adviser Ben:** It’s been less than 24 hours.

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** i miss him.

 

 **Analyst Stan:** I tried texting Eddie but he blew me off. As for Dickhead, there is no point because he does not respond to my texts until his stupid Christmas Countdown is done.

 **Analyst Stan:** I hate him.

 

 **Counselor Mike:** No you don’t Stanley. You love Richie.

 

 **Analyst Stan:** I would like to see the evidence to that statement.

 

 **Counselor Mike:** You keep him around, that’s love enough.

 

 **Analyst Stan:** He is my oldest friend. He was also my first friend, so at this point, he is part of the package in my life.

 

 **Adviser Ben:** I don’t think I have ever heard how you two met.

 

 **Therapist Bill:** they tell completely different stories

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** Richie claims in second grade Stan was sitting alone at recess and Richie made him play with him. apparently Stan fell for his charisma and charm.

 

 **Analyst Stan:** He is the biggest imbecile.

 

 **Counselor Mike:** What actually happened?

 

 **Analyst Stan:** I was doing homework during recess and he came over to bother me because every other kid was worn out by his ‘charisma and charm’.

 

 **Adviser Ben:** That sounds more likely.

 

 **Analyst Stan:** It was unexpected and I tried to shake him off. I ignored every child back then because I was a year older than everyone. Richie was persistent though. He informed me that he would not leave unless we played ball together.

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** THAT IS THE CUTEST!

 

 **Therapist Bill:** then you started riding your bikes home together

 

 **Analyst Stan:** If you mean, Richie followed me home every day after school. Then, yes, we rode our bikes together.

 

 **Counselor Mike:** And you could never shake him again.

 

 **Adviser Ben:** I love this story so much.

 **Adviser Ben:** Alright now I miss Richie.

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** it’s been less than 24 hours :p

 

 **Adviser Ben:** Yeah yeah

 

 **Therapist Bill:** well i miss eddie

 

 **Counselor Mike:** Me too *crying emoji*

 

 **Analyst Stan:** We are all pathetic.

 

 **Adviser Ben:** Miss them too, Stanley?

 

 **Analyst Stan:** I admit to nothing.

 

 **Therapist Bill:** oh he does

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** well, let’s bother them once again tomorrow.

 

*

 

 **Counselor Mike:** Still nothing from either of them.

 

 **Adviser Ben:** It was uncool that they didn’t even message us about not coming to Secret Ninja.

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** they’re both such losers. i expected it from Richie, but not Eddie.

 

 **Counselor Mike:** Eddie texted me earlier in the day to say he would not be able to help cook for it because he was feeling sick.

 

 **Adviser Ben:** Oh, well if he is sick then that’s understandable.

 

 **Analyst Stan:** “Sick”.

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** eddie does not lie.

 

 **Therapist Bill:** more likely that he thinks he is sick

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** sick with emotions.

 

 **Analyst Stan:** I elect Beverly and Bill to fix this.

 

 **Therapist Bill:** eddie refuses to answer my texts

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** but that’s so much efforttttt.

 **Friend Guru Bev:** Richie is the worst to deal with when he is mad.

 

 **Analyst Stan:** I am only reading excuses.

 

 **Counselor Mike:** You clearly know something we don’t. So it is your job to make this better.

 

 **Adviser Ben:** I agree!

 

 **Therapist Bill:** well then

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** ugh…

 

 **Analyst Stan:** In fact, Mike, Ben, and I will not answer your texts until you do. Goodbye.

 

 **Counselor Mike:** I love firm Stanley, so peace y’all.

 

 **Adviser Ben:** I feel bad, but I’m also more of a follower. Sorry guys. Bye.

 

 **Friend Guru Bev:** you are assholes.

 

 **Therapist Bill:** bullies


	11. Fix This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beverly and Bill must work on helping Richie and Eddie talk to each other again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You Deserve texts:  
> Eds <3: That’s not good enough!!
> 
> Rich <3: You deserve better that’s why!!  
> Rich <3: You deserve to have strong feelings for the person that asks you out.  
> Rich <3: You deserve someone who isn’t boring and mediocre.  
> Rich <3: Someone who makes you laugh so hard you cry.  
> Rich <3: Someone that listens to you and is there for you whenever you are hurt.
> 
> Eds <3: …wow…not where I thought this would go.  
> Rich <3: You deserve the fucking world, Eddie.  
> Rich <3: Good enough for you?

****Eddie and Bill Chat****

**Big Bill:** hey buddy…

 **Big Bill:** im checkin on you since its been two days and you havent spoken to any of us

 **Big Bill:** i know you are mad but if you want to talk we can

 

 **Eddie:** I’m not mad Bill, I’m just…I’m so confused! I’m spiraling!!

 **Eddie:** *Sends screenshot of Richie ‘you deserve’ texts*

 

 **Big Bill:** holy shit when did he send those

 

 **Eddie:** After I peaced out from the group chat.

 **Eddie:** I’ve basically been in a weeping fetal position on my bed for the past two days.

 

 **Big Bill:** your nicknames have hearts next to them

 

 **Eddie:** BILL!

 

 **Big Bill:** sorry fetal position continue

 

 **Eddie:** I lied and told mom I am sick.

 

 **Big Bill:** you lied to mike too

 

 **Eddie:** DAMN IT BILL!

 

 **Big Bill:** sorry continue

 

 **Eddie:** Ma’s given me a first aid kit for a fake stomach ache! My stomach is in knots but that is about as sick as I actually am.

 

 **Big Bill:** you need to get out of that house

 

 **Eddie:** I’m not ready. I just want to watch movies like the notebook and realize I’ll never have a love like that. I just want to be a sad lonely loner.

 

 **Big Bill:** oh dear god

 **Big Bill:** can i come over and keep you company then

 

 **Eddie:** I look like shit.

 

 **Big Bill:** ive seen you covered in much worse

 

 **Eddie:** You’re not wrong.

 **Eddie:** I would love it if you came over. Please bring comfort food like ice cream!

 

 **Big Bill:** sure see you in a bit bud

  


****Richie and Beverly Chat****

**Bev Darling:** hey dick, i’m coming over.

 

 **Richie Dear:** No. Screw you.

 

 **Bev Darling:** i gave you 2 days to cool off. i’m coming over then we’re smoking weed and drinking until we pass out.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Fine. But you better buy me a pack of cigarettes too.

 

 **Bev Darling:** already got a pack in my bag.

 **Bev Darling:** now are you going to tell me what happened between you and Eddie.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Nothing and I don’t want to talk about it. I am only agreeing to this to get drunk.

 

 **Bev Darling:** ugh, I don’t like you hurting Richie. This is awful and it’s weird, you’re being very Stan like!

 

 **Richie Dear:** Did you just use Stan’s name as an adjective to describe my behavior?!

 

 **Bev Darling:** oh my god this is worse than I thought. you are becoming Stan 2.

 

 **Richie Dear:**  *Sends screenshot of Richie ‘you deserve’ texts*

 

 **Bev Darling:** well fuck Rich, that’s great! what did Eddie say?

 

 **Richie Dear:** that maybe he could get all that shit from Stuart.

 

 **Bev Darling:** do…do you mean Simon?

 

 **Richie Dear:** Bev!!

 

 **Bev Darling:** sorry, you’re right not important.

 **Bev Darling:** how could he not realize you were talking about yourself?!

 

 **Richie Dear:** What…no, I was just saying that because I want him to be happy and I know….

 **Richie Dear:** Fuck it I was talking about me and then he pulled some crap on how the person he wants to notice him doesn’t.

 

 **Bev Darling:** holy shit he did? do you think he meant you?

 

 **Richie Dear:** I DON’T KNOW! I just feel so confused and I don’t know how to fix this, this all seems weird.

 

 **Bev Darling:** it will be fixed, you two are best friends and it will all work out

 

 **Richie Dear:** How do you know?

 

 **Bev Darling:** because I’m mama Bev and mama Bev knows best…for now let’s get drunk and high!

 

 **Richie Dear:** I like this plan.

  


****Beverly and Bill chat****

**Bev’s a Babe:** bill we have to fix this! the 7 losers have become like 3, 2, 1 and 1.

 

 **Bill’s my man:** stupid stan and his ultimatum on fixing this

 **Bill’s my man:** babe maybe we should just let it play out

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** no Bill, that’s a terrible idea. My poor small innocent son and my tall problematic son are in pppaaaiiiiinnnnn!

 

 **Bill’s my man:** okay okay I dont like them hurting either im heading to eddies house now

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** okay I’m heading over to Richie’s. we can meet up after and trade notes and see how to fix this.

 

 **Bill’s my man:** its just you and rich you want to try again

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** okay fair, we can meet up tomorrow and fix this when I’m not hungover!

 

 **Bill’s my man:** for now damage control

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** that’s the spirit hun! Damage control!

 **Bev’s a Babe:** ‘get these two losers together’ is on the road to be mended.

 

 **Bill’s my man:** okay delete these texts

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** good plan, don’t want them to see and realize the plan.

 

 **Bill’s my man:** yeah thats the reason

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** -.-

 


	12. Christmas Countdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie tortures the resident Jewish friend, Stanley, by counting down the days to Christmas...and ONLY counting down the days.

**The Thing of Evil:** Have you ever thought about being nice to me for once in your miserable life?

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** That would be very hard.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** You know what else is hard? :p

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Die

 

_November 24, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Hey Stan the Mannnnnnn

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** What do you want, Richie?

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Guess what time of year it is?

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** The day after Thanksgiving, so what?

 **Stanley’s Manly:** We went over this in the Losers group chat.

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Wait a minute. Richie, you cannot do this to me again.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Happy 31 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Shit.

 

_November 25, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 30 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stan the Man:** You understand that I am Jewish correct?

 **Stan the Man:** We have been friends for a decade. You must know that much about me.

 

_November 26, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 29 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Richie, this cannot be our only ‘topic’ of textual conversation until Christmas.

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Richie?

 

_November 27, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 28 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Happy 19 Days Before Hanukkah.

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Two can play this game.

 

_November 28, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 27 Days before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** I know you think this is frustrating for me, but it is not. This is a waste of time.

 **Stanley’s Manly:** In other words: Stop it.

 

_November 29, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 26 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Richie, this does not have to happen every year!

 **Stanley’s Manly:** We can simple text like normal human beings.

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Well, normal for us.

 

_November 30, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 25 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** I never let typos slide and you completely ignored that I wrote “simple” instead of “simply”. How hard are you committing to this bit?

 **Stanley’s Manly:** I know you do this just so I miss our usual text conversations.

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Well, I do not, therefore, you should cease messaging me.

 

_December 1, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 24 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stan the Man:** You are such a putz.

 

_December 2, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 23 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stan the Man:** I will murder you in your sleep.

 

_December 3, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 22 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** This is the worst bit ever.

 

December 4, 2017

 **The Thing of  Evil:** Happy 21 days till Christmas

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** You seriously have me considering getting a new number to end this madness.

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Maybe I will ask for it as a HANUKKAH present.

 

December 5, 2017

 **The Thing of Evil:** Happy 20 days before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** I will tell Eddie you did not find a new appreciation for Jesus and pray with Bev every afternoon. That in reality you two sneak off to smoke instead.

 

_December 6, 2017_

**Stanley’s Manly:** In all seriousness, I need to borrow your math notes. I barely paid attention in Calculus today.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Happy 19 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Richie, please?

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Fuck you, I’ll ask Eddie.

 

_December 7, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 18 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** You do realize, it probably takes you 30 seconds out of your day to send these monstrosities. It may sound small but that means up to now, you have wasted 6 and a half minutes of your life sending Christmas texts to someone who is Jewish.

 **Stanley’s Manly:** If you do continue with this absurdity, that will be a total of 15 and a half minutes of your life wasted. Think of what you could do with those precious minutes.

 **Stanley’s Manly:**  Rich?

 

_December 8, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 17 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** You know why Hanukkah is better than Christmas?

 **Stanley’s Manly:** No awkward explanations of a virgin birth.

 

_December 9, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 16 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Another reason Hanukkah is better than Christmas is that cheer is optional.

.

_December 10, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 15 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** What I would give to end this madness.

 

_December 11, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 14 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Would you end this cruelty for a trash bag full of candy?

 **Stanley’s Manly:** What if I gave you free tickets to the movies?

 

_December 12, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 13 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** I will refrain from expressing what just came to my mind, since it is the first night of Hanukkah. Just stating that fact in case you were interested. חנוכה שמח

 

_December 13, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 12 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Richie! This is Eddie on Stan’s phone to say GIVE HIM A BREAK. I had no idea it was this bad. I though Stan was exaggerating. You are literally the most annoying turd.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Hi Eds!! I miss you, come over tonight!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Stan back to say: Seriously?! You will answer Eddie’s texts and not mine?!

 

_December 14, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 11 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:**  RICHIE WILL YOU PLEASE JUST STOP!

 **Stanley’s Manly:** YOU HAVE ME SO MAD I AM WRITING IN ALL CAPS.

 

_December 15, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 10 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** On the fourth day of Hanukkah, Richie gave to me useless information and rage.

 

_December 16, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 9 Days before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** How about a little Hanukkah history for you stupid Gentile?

 **Stanley’s Manly:** The eight-day Jewish celebration commemorates the rededication during the second century B.C. of the Second Temple in Jerusalem. According to legend, Jews had risen up against their Greek-Syrian oppressors in the Maccabean Revolt.

 **Stanley’s Manly:** If only I could rise against my oppressor, Richie Tozier.

 

_December 17, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 8 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Hanukkah, which means “dedication” in Hebrew, begins on the 25th of Kislev of the Hebrew calendar. It usually falls in November or December.

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Often called the Festival of Lights, the holiday is celebrated with the lighting of the menorah, traditional foods, games, and gifts.

 

_December 18, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 7 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** According to the Talmud, one of Judaism’s most central texts, Judah Maccabee and the other Jews who took part in the rededication of the Second Temple, witnessed what they believed to be a miracle.

 **Stanley’s Manly:** You know what else would be a miracle? If I could get you to stop these texts.

 

_December 19, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 6 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Even though there was only enough untainted olive oil to keep the menorah’s candles burning for a single day, the flames continued flickering for eight nights, leaving them time to find a fresh supply.

 **Stanley’s Manly:** This wondrous event inspired the Jewish sages to proclaim a yearly eight-day festival.

 **Stanley’s Manly:** There, you got a crash course on this holiday.

 

_December 20, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 5 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Happy last day of Hanukkah, but I still have 4 more days of torment.

 

_December 21, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 4 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** God, I know I am apart of your chosen people, but could you choose somebody else for a change?

 

_December 22, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 3 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** I can’t express how much I just don’t care.

 **Stanley’s Manly:** I have lost my ability to care.

 

_December 23, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Happy 2 Days Before Christmas!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** At this point, I accept my fate.

 

_December 24, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** Merry Christmas Eve!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Thank fuck. The torture is almost over.

 

_December 25, 2017_

**The Thing of Evil:** MERRY CHRISTMAS STAN THE MAN!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** …Merry Christmas, Trashmouth.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** THERE IS A CHRISTMAS PRESENT OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** I hate you.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Go open it!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Fine.

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Richie, wow, you got me an encyclopedia of the world’s birds? Also, 8 packages of different teas!

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Those are your belated Hanukkah gifts. I had to commit to my bit.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** This is actually incredible.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Thanks for being the best friend I could ever ask for! And sticking with me the longest.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** That’s so nice of you to say, Rich. Thank you.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** I mean it, I love you man.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** I love you too, brother.

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Alright, say something inappropriate to get us back on track.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Although your speech was fucking GOLDEN insulting the adults in this town. I’ll be forever disappointed that you didn’t have to show the congregation your nuts at your Bar Mitzvah.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** I missed this.

 **Stanley’s Manly:** Also, beep beep you fucking creep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Festivus For The Rest Of Us, and Happy Holidays!! -Shannon and Sam


	13. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie and Eddie make up!

******Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Hey…

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Hey.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Your secret santa gift to me is amazing. I have now listened to “Sound of Silence” by Simon and Garfunkel 20 times. A mix CD was perfect.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Your secret santa gift is….You are just the biggest idiot ever!

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **My gift was very thought out, I’ll have you know.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** It was sweet Rich, literally a jar filled with kiss chocolates.

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Not to mention the note on the outside of the jar. “Have a kiss on the days that I can’t give you”. Like I said, biggest idiot to walk this planet.

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Thank you though, really.

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **There is an inscription on the bottom of the jar, too.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** There is? I’ll check it now, hold on.

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** “No matter what we go through, I am always beside you.” Is that from something?

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** My brain. Copyright pending

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Wow…That’s really nice, Rich!

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **Ok but seriously I love your gift so much.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** I’m happy you like it. Spent fucking forever picking the right amount of songs you have and haven’t heard.

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **“Your Song” by Elton John made me cry.

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **And I don’t fucking cry.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I’m sorry it made you cry but it makes me think of you, so it had to go on!

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **I think I have literally said if I had money I’d buy a big house where we could live together.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Haha if that ever happens I am in charge of decor.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** : ******Oh please, you are picking the fucking house. I am just putting down the payment.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** I can work with that!

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Rich…I’m sorry.

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **No Eds, I’m sorry.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** You were right, I was agreeing to go on a date with Simon for all the wrong reasons. You were looking out for me…I snapped and I shouldn’t have.

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **Eds, you literally did nothing wrong. I was being the biggest asshole. I honestly don’t know why you stay friends with me because I have been sitting the past 3 days and reading what I texted to you and HATING MYSELF.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Richie please don’t. You were right, I do deserve all those things and if it wasn’t for your honesty then I probably would have wasted my first date.

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** It should be with someone…well someone who is important and I like that way! What I mean to say is, thank you!

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **I can’t believe you are thanking me for ruining your chance to go on a first date. Again I say, WHY DO YOU STAY FRIENDS WITH ME?!

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Rich get this in that thick skull of yours, you didn’t ruin anything, you kept me from making a mistake!

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** I want you to be happy. And I know I caused a lot of pain for you the past couple of days. I sure felt like shit. I can’t stand for you to be anything other than happy.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I stay friends with you because you’re funny, smart and so sweet. No matter what, you would do anything for your friends. You’re someone I count on and trust fully!  And talking again makes me so happy.

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **I feel like you would stay friends with me even if I killed somebody.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** They probably deserved it. And I would help you hide the body.

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **Thank fucking god for you.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I know, what would you do without me.

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **I wouldn’t be who I am today without you.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Honestly, same here!

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **I’ll need to thank Beverly for telling me to put your gift on your front porch.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** That’s weird…Bill told me to do the same for you.

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **Do you think they planned that?!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Oh most definitely.

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **Bastards. But I love them.

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** : ******You know…I could take you on your first date.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I know this is just a joke, or some guilt thing…

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** but to tell you the truth the idea of my first date with my best friend, sounds surprisingly amazing.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** Wait…seriously?!

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **OH MY GOD EDS! NOW WE HAVE TO PLAN OUR DATE!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Oh…Ok, um…movies?

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **If you consider that a first date then we have been on 100s of first dates.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** You’re right. That was dumb. Especially, since you always pay for my movie tickets too. Like we’ve basically been on movie dates.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** If I don’t pay YOU WON’T GO!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Because you always make me see scary movies!

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** : ******Yeah, so you cling to me the whole time.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** …Sneaky bastard.

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **They are my favorite kind of movie! It’s also so I can hold your hand when I’m scared.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Gay

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **I know you are but what am I!

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Bisexual

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **Got me there.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** You’re so dumb haha

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Rich, I really missed you over these days! Promise me when you are being an idiot and I’m being….less right. We will talk about it and not be dumb and spend days not talking! This was ridiculous!

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **“Less right” = also an idiot

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **I promise to not stop talking to you like that ever again. It was excruciating anyway.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Also our first date should be at the quarry because that was where Bill first officially introduced us!!

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **WOW! First date at the quarry is romantic as hell.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** For now though, do you want to come over? Ma isn’t here. You can have some kisses!

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** : ******Literally getting in my car and coming now to give you all the kisses.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Chocolates I mean, kiss chocolates.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** I’ll give and take both.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Yeah yeah. See you soon doofus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter is coming after this. ALL THE CHAPTERS TODAY! WHOO!


	14. A Christmas Miracle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The losers wish each other a Merry Christmas.

**Trashmouth:**  MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCHES!

 **Trashmouth:** Eds and I made up.

 

 **Bev:** proof or it didn’t happen.

 **Bev:** merry christmas kids

 

 **Trashmouth:**  *Sends a photo of Richie cuddling a sleeping Eddie* I am putting this on instagram.

 

 **Bev:** SCREAMING!!! Are you finally lovers?!

 

 **Trashmouth:** What? No, no. Haha. We just fell asleep in his bed talking until 7:00 am and this is the position I woke up in.

 

 **Stan the Man:**  Christmas is for losers but this was an excellent Christmas gift.

 

 **Big Bill:**  merry christmas to my losers seeing that photo has cleared my skin grown my crops my grades are up and the sun is shining

 

 **Mikey Mike:** It is a Christmas miracle!

 

 **Benny Boy:**  Merry Christmas beautiful humans!!!

 **Benny Boy:**  Eddie is going to be so mad when he wakes up to that picture but it is too perfect.

 

 **Stan the Man:**  I am glad Beverly and Bill fixed it.

 

 **Trashmouth:**  Hey! How do you know Eddie and I didn’t fix it ourselves?

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Did you fix it yourselves?

 

 **Trashmouth:** No…

 

 **Stan the Man:** That is what I thought.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Where is Eddie’s Mom?

 

 **Trashmouth:** She went to his aunt’s yesterday and Eddie is supposed to leave around noon to get there…but he is still asleep in my arms. *heart eyes emoji*

 

 **Bev:** What did Eddie give you for Secret Ninja?

 

 **Trashmouth:**  A MIX CD WITH 20 BEAUTIFUL SONGS THAT REMIND HIM OF US!

 

 **Benny Boy:** That is so sweet!

 

 **Trashmouth:**  Wait…he’s awake and looking at his phone.

 **Trashmouth:** Brb he’s yelling at me.

 

 **Big Bill:** bev what did richie give eddie for secret ninja

 

 **Bev:**  jar filled with kisses candy and a note saying “have a kiss on the days that I can’t give you”.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** There has never been a more Richard gift to Edward in…ever.

 

 **Eds:** Merry Christmas my friends. I was busy taking out the trash.

 

 **Benny Boy:**  Oh my god. It happened. Eddie killed Richie.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I thought for sure Stanley would have been the murderer.

 

 **Stan the Man:**  I thought it would be me.

 

 **Mikey Mike:**  NICE

 

 **Stan the Man:** *fist bump emoji*

 

 **Mikey Mike:** *fist bump emoji*

 

 **Trashmouth:**  He threw me out of the house. Worth it. Merry Christmas to all!


	15. I Will Fight You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gives Beverly an incredible Christmas gift...which sets off some concerns of Bill's. Bill goes to Stanley to figure out if he is overreacting.

****The Losers Club****

**Trashmouth:** I always wonder what it would be like to live as a jungle man.

 

 **Benny Boy:** Like Tarzan?

 

 **Eds:** Disney Tarzan or Alexander Skarsgård?

 **Eds:** Both are so fucking sexy.

 

 **Bev:** AGREED!

 

 **Trashmouth:** I’ll be your Tarzan, Eds. *kiss emoji*

 

 **Eds:** You are no Skarsgård.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Hurtful

 

 **Mikey Mike:** 5 things you would bring if you were stuck in the wild for an undetermined amount of time?

 

 **Trashmouth:** Eddie, radio, fishing net that doubles as a hammock, a hunting dog, and axe

 

 **Eds:** The Complete Works of Shakespeare, Dental Hygiene Device, A big ass coat for bad weather, Natural Insect Repellent, and First Aid Kit.

 

 **Trashmouth:** WHAT ABOUT ME?!

 

 **Eds:** It would be impractical to bring you. You would use up my whole first aid kit with your clumsiness.

 

 **Benny Boy:** This is too stressful to answer. Why are we stuck in the woods?!

 

 **Eds:** Richie

 

 **Bev:** Rich.

 

 **Big Bill:** trashmouth

 

 **Stan the Man:** Richie.

 

 **Benny Boy:** Checks out!

 

 **Trashmouth:** I would defend myself but honestly, we all know it would be my fault.

 

 **Big Bill:** pen notebook metal pot knife fishing rod

 

 **Bev:** mirror, knife, tent, matches, cigarettes.

 

 **Big Bill:** we would die the first week bev

 

 **Bev:** we literally would. haha

 

 **Stan the Man:** I would bring a water catchment/filtration system, a versatile knife, a compass, an insulated sleeping bag, a spark-producing ferro rod, and a small gauge gill net for creating an emergency food supply.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** That is 6 Stanley.

 

 **Stan the Man:** If I have to be stuck in the wild because of Richie, I am bringing all 6 items. I will find a way.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I would bring Eddie, William, Beverly, Stanley, and Benjamin.

 

 **Trashmouth:** AGAIN WHAT ABOUT ME?!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** You are the reason we are stuck in the wild so we left you behind.

 

 **Trashmouth:** That’s fair.

 

 **Big Bill:** how was everyones christmas minus stan

 

 **Trashmouth:** Lame without you all.

 

 **Big Bill:** poor rich lets hang out today

 

 **Trashmouth:** Please and thank you.

 

 **Eds:** Literally every aunt pinched my cheek and said I am cute. I need to fight someone.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I’ve said this before but they just know how cute you are, Eds.

 **Trashmouth:** I saw what a cutie you were the first time I met you.

 

 **Eds:** Sometimes you’re really a shit, Richie. I will fight you in all my 5’5 glory!

 

 **Big Bill:** richies 6 foot ass deserves it

 

 **Bev:** BEN GAVE ME AN INCREDIBLE CHRISTMAS GIFT!

 **Bev:** *Sends picture of infinity shaped necklace gift*

 

 **Eds:** That’s beautiful!

 

 **Trashmouth:** Shit, Benny Boy’s got great taste.

 

 **Bev:** HE MADE IT!

 

 **Benny Boy:** It’s not that big of a deal.

 

 **Big Bill:** you made that

 **Big Bill:** damn giving my girlfriend a better christmas gift than me sure makes me look great ben

 

 **Benny Boy:** Oh nooo….that’s not what I meant

 

 **Bev:** i love both gifts!

 

 **Trashmouth:** Bill got you a scented candle for when you smoke weed.

 **Trashmouth:** Ben MADE you an infinity necklace.

 **Trashmouth:** Yeah…they are obviously equally great. *roll eyes emoji*

 

 **Eds:** Shut the fuck up Rich!

 **Eds:** Do not compare gifts. It’s all very sweet and both are great in different ways!

 

 **Stan the Man:** An infinity symbolizes time looping back and endlessly over itself. It represents the conjoining and equality between male and female. It also represents unity between two people.

 

 **Eds:** Wow…that’s symbolic!

 

 **Benny Boy:** I had no idea! I just like infinity signs and thought Bev would too!

 

 **Trashmouth:** Funny how you can name off the founding families of Derry, Maine but don’t know what an infinity sign stands for.

 

 **Benny Boy:** We all have our things Richie! Everyone is reading a lot into some shape!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I’m more offended that Benjamin didn’t make me a Christmas gift.

 **Mikey Mike:** I thought I was your favorite.

 

 **Bev:** how dare you, mike.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** The gift was obviously meant for me and Beverly should hand it over.

 

 **Bev:** it is mine back off.

 

 **Eds:** Do you take orders Ben? You can definitely sell those!

 

 **Trashmouth:** You don’t need to get me jewelry Eds!

 

 **Eds:** Listen, you already got a personal mix CD from me. That’s as good a gift as you’re ever going to get.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I feel truly blessed.

 **Trashmouth:** Also, since Eds and I weren’t talking to anyone for like 3 Days…and missed the Secret Ninja party. What did everyone give each other?

 

 **Bev:** Forever mad at you two for blowing us off like that!

 

 **Eds:** Look, I was sick.

 

 **Stan the Man:** “Sick”.

 

 **Eds:** Screw you Stan.

 

 **Benny Boy:** Bev gave me Moana on DVD!

 

 **Stan the Man:** I was given binoculars by Ben. Also, a 30 minute ‘Shut Up, Richie’ coupon.

 

 **Eds:** HAHAHAHA! Richie, you agreed to that?!

 

 **Trashmouth:** Yep, but it came at a high price.

 

 **Big Bill:** what

 

 **Trashmouth:** It’s a secret.

 

 **Big Bill:** thats dumb

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Stanley got me a plant book for exotic flowers!

 

 **Stan the Man:** We should definitely try to plant a couple.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Do you like gardening?

 

 **Stan the Man:** I have never done it.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** WE ARE DOING IT THIS WEEKEND BEFORE NEW YEARS!

 

 **Stan the Man:** That sounds great!

 

 **Big Bill:** mike got me art supplies and some new writing pens

 **Big Bill:** ive already started using the pens and they are great

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Yay!

 

****Stan and Bill Chat****

**Grammarless Bill:** were you serious about those infinity facts in the chat

 

 **Policeman Stan:** I am always serious.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** is it wrong to be uncomfortable that ben made such an intimate gift for my girlfriend

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Anything you feel is valid, Bill. It may not be accurate to the situation but you feel what you feel.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** thanks for that stan but i mean it in a way if you think i should be worried

 **Grammarless Bill:** or if its just in my head

 **Grammarless Bill:** bev seemed to really like the gift and it was awesome

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Bill, everything is going to be alright.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** i always feel like they relate way better to each other

 **Grammarless Bill:** they have more similar interests than we do

 **Grammarless Bill:** oh my god shes going to leave me and then marry ben and adopt a son and name him david

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Ben and Beverly would never name their son David.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** im happy i came to you with this problem

 **Grammarless Bill:** you really keep it logical

 **Grammarless Bill:** what should I fucking do stan do you think im overreacting

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Yes.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** yes what

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Yes, you are overreacting.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** what if something is already happening between them

 **Grammarless Bill:** oh god im gonna have to fight ben

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Please do not fight, Ben. You will win and it will be a nightmare to clean up.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** a duel for the hand of the maiden

 

 **Policeman Stan:** She is hardly a maiden. If you are worried, here is an idea, talk to Beverly. I hear that is what people in relationships do.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** i have talked to her about this

 **Grammarless Bill:** she doesnt believe he is in love with her but he totally is

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Get a fucking grip, Bill!

 **Policeman Stan:** You are going to become a sad, pathetic boyfriend if you keep this up.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** wow okay youre right

 **Grammarless Bill:** youre mean but right

 

 **Policeman Stan:** I know I am.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** now i know how richie feels

 

 **Policeman Stan:** You are far from the Richie treatment, that was me being nice.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** well thank you for taking it easy on me then

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Yes well, I like you.

 **Policeman Stan:** Richie, I still question if I like him or if I have just known him for too long that I can’t get rid of him. He is like an annoying little chihuahua.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** bens like an annoying corgi

 **Grammarless Bill:** except corgis arent annoying just adorable

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Bill, I know we have this fight every day but I hate it when you do not use proper punctuation.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** no one has time for that grammar police

 

 **Policeman Stan:** It is the difference between: “It’s time to eat, Grandma.” or “It’s time to eat grandma.”

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** let me live my aesthetic

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Also, you are an incredible writer! Why would you treat the English language this way?

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** when i write i have to spend hours upon hours editing i refuse to do that over text just out of principle

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Can you at least give me periods after sentences? For example, Beverly never capitalizes sentences but at least she will end a thought with a period.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** we all have our things stan for example your obsession over punctuation and grammar let me live

 

 **Policeman Stan:** “We all have our things Stan; for example, your obsession with punctuation and grammar. Let me live!” See, now the sentence is acceptable to anyone who knows the English language.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** oh my god

 **Grammarless Bill:** im glad we had this chat and i didnt go to someone more sympathetic like mike

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Mike would have been way more help. You should have gone to him.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** no kidding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Shannon hope you have all been enjoying your holidays! Next chapter is going to be so fun for Reddie fans :)
> 
> The beginning of this chapter came from an anonymous request on our tumblr. Who asked: 5 things you would bring if you were stuck in the wild for an undetermined amount of time?
> 
> I didn't know if they were asking Sam and I or the Losers so I did both. Haha. -Shannon


	16. New Years Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie and Eddie finally...YEP.
> 
> If you want to read the one-shot that is the New Years Kiss itself check it out here - http://archiveofourown.org/works/12811866/chapters/30170190

****Eddie and Richie Chat****

_Today 12:48 AM_

******Eds ❤️:****** I cannot believe that just happened.

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Literally, I cannot breathe right now.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** I love taking your breath away.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** SHUT UP AND BE SERIOUS FOR 5 MINUTES!

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Did that kiss mean anything to you?

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Eds…

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Or was it a heat of the moment thing.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Eddie…

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Because if it was, that is totally ok. I understand if you want to remain friends. There is no pressure on my end for anything.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** STOP EDDIE! That kiss meant the world to me.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Seriously?

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Thank god.

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Really though?!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Are you kidding me? I have been wanting to do that since we were 13.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Richie, don’t exaggerate.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **No, but actually, I have had a crush on you since we were 13.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Oh my god, really?…wow.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Does that weird you out?

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Not at all! I have definitely liked you for about that long too. I didn’t really realize it until high school.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **That’s because you push your true emotions down all the time instead of expressing them like I do.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** True…but you wear your emotions on your sleeve which makes everyone uncomfortable.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **I don’t understand the concept of “uncomfortable”.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Yes, Rich, I am well aware.

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:******  **But we are getting off track here.

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** So that kiss meant something to you and it meant something to me. What do we do now?

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Date, duh.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Just like that?

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Just like that.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** We go from best friends to boyfriends.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Boyfriends, lovers, whatever you want to call it.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** We are not calling ourselves lovers ya freak.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **But I am your freak.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Wow…I guess you are.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Now I can ask if when you texted me “the real person I want to actually notice me just doesn’t” Did you mean me?

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** of fucking course I did!

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **You are the cutest. I want to kiss you again.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Keep it in your pants.

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** So when you wrote all those “you deserve the world” texts, did you mean me?

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **YES AND I AM SO MAD YOU DIDN’T GET THAT I LIKED YOU FROM THAT.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** You are never serious so when you all of a sudden were, I panicked and got confused!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Typical Eddie Spaghetti

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Fuck you.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Ok, meet me in the bedroom?

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** BEEP BEEP RICHIE

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Should we tell everyone?

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** NOOOOOO…why would that even be a question?!

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Um…why not?

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** It’s too fast!

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Explain.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** So what if we date and it doesn’t work out and we start to hate each other and cannot go back to being friends but we have told everyone so they all have to pick sides and we ruin the entire friend dynamic.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** : ****That fucking imagination of yours.

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Bill and Bev never worried about that.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** We are not Bev and Bill.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Thank god. Who would want to be straight?

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Not what I meant but TRUE.

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** And my Mom, Rich…you know I’m not out to her because I fear I’ll give her a heart attack. The more people who know, the faster it will get to her.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Sigh, I guess I do understand what you mean. *sad face emoji*

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Can I tell Bev?

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** NO RICH! No one!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** But she was the first person I told about having a crush on you and has been my support system for every time I got my heart broken!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I never broke your heart?!

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **It was like a slow death every time you said you didn’t want to be lovers.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I said “we were not lovers” not that I didn’t want to be lovers.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **You are an idiot.

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **It felt good to say that to you for once.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I deserve that.

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Listen, I am not going to tell Bill, who knows I have a crush on you. So you cannot tell Bev we are seeing each other.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **THAT BASTARD KNEW YOU LIKED ME AND HE NEVER TOLD ME?!

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Beverly never fucking told me and she knew for 5 years.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Fair. Oh god!

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** What?!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** : ****Beverly is texting me and asking if anything happened! What do I say?

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** That we just talked!

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Okay…I can do this.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** You got this Rich.

 

****Beverly and Richie Chat****

**Richie Dear:** Locking Eds and I in the garage was a cheap trick.

 

 **Bev Darling:** you were nervous to kiss him in front of us. so do it now you shit brick!

 

_Today 1:00 AM_

**Bev Darling:** SO?!!!

 

 **Richie Dear:** So what?

 

 **Bev Darling:** did anything happen?!

 

 **Richie Dear:** You’ll have to be more specific. Did anything happen when?

 

 **Bev Darling:** oh my god, Richie! don’t be an asshole. did anything happen while you and Eddie were alone?!

 

 **Richie Dear:** Oh that. Nope! We just talked.

 

 **Bev Darling:** seriously?! that’s so annoying.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Eh, it’s fine. Maybe next time. And will you grab me a beer from the fridge?

 

 **Bev Darling:** get it yourself, i’m not your butler.

 

 **Richie Dear:** But you’re my wife and closer to the kitchen.

 

 **Bev Darling:** and i’ll divorce you if you treat me like your personal maid.

 

 **Richie Dear:** We can’t divorce!! What will the children think?

 

 **Bev Darling:** Richie Dear, i think it’s time you knew that i am having an affair with Bill.

 

 **Richie Dear:** YOU ARE TEARING ME AND THIS FAMILY APART DARLING!

 **Richie Dear:** But that’s ok, I’m gay for Eds.

 

 **Bev Darling:** understandable he is a cute bean!

 

 **Richie Dear:** Back to the subject of getting me an alcoholic beverage. You locked me in a garage. GET ME A BEER WOMAN!

 

 **Bev Darling:** FINE DICK

 

****Eddie and Richie Chat****

****Rich ** **❤️**** : ****Alright, she doesn’t suspect a thing.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Great, what did you tell her?

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **That we just talked and I am gay for you.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** WHAT?!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Relax, that’s a normal thing for me to say to her.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** You are so fucking embarrassing.

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** But I’m gay for you too.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** That is the sexiest thing you’ve ever texted.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Shut up, I’m not sexy.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **I don’t think you have seen yourself. Your face was literally sculpted by angels.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Damn Rich...

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **With an ass designed by God herself.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I will kick your ass if you don’t shut the fuck up.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Hawt

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Richie, stop looking at me while you text.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Why?!

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** They are going to suspect something.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **No they aren’t. I always look at you.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** You are unbearable.

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Oh shit oh shit oh shit! Bill is texting me.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** He’s sitting right next to you.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** He wants to know if something happened!!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Just repeat our cover story!

 

****Eddie and Bill Chat****

****Eddie:** ** Fuck you Denbrough

 

 ****Big Bill:** ** your phone autocorrected thank to fuck

 

 ****Eddie:** ** I DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK IN THIS GARAGE!

 

_Today 1:12 AM_

**Big Bill:** hey buddy anything you want tell me

 

 **Eddie:** What do you mean?

 

 **Big Bill:** come on between you and rich when we locked you in the garage

 

 **Eddie:** NOTHING OKAY, WE JUST TALKED!

 **Eddie:** QUIT BADGERING ME!

 

 **Big Bill:** umm

 

 **Eddie:** My caps lock key is stuck...I'm chill.

 

 **Big Bill:** eddie are you sure youre okay

 

 **Eddie:** Yes. Everything is cool, Richie and I are good. It's all bitchin.

 

 **Big Bill:** okay bud

 **Big Bill:** random question how much have you had to drink

 

 **Eddie:** You know me Billy Boy, I’m a lightweight.

 **Eddie:** Mom’s calling gotta jet!

 

****Eddie and Richie Chat****

******Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Where did you go? Why’d you get up and leave?

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** I ran for it Rich, I totally freaked out! I faked a mom call and I'm now hiding in the closet.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Is that a poetic statement or are you telling me you want to make out again?

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** Richie!!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** I'm sorry, come out of the closet. We can just sit on the couch and talk.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** I’m a terrible liar. They will tell from my red face that I am hiding something.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Do I make you blush?

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ** ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **My ego can’t take this knowledge.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** RICHIE!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Right! Focusing. Idea: we will go ask Ben to explain to us why Tangled was better than Frozen.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Everyone knows why

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Yeah but at least this way no one will want to join the conversation, that will take hours. And we will have Ben around us so it doesn't look weird that I'll be by you the whole night!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** You can be really sweet when you want too.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** My heart just did a fucking backflip.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** ❤️ We should also ask Ben why they should bring back the 2D Disney movies. That will REALLY get him talking.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** GENIUS!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Alright, I'm coming out!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** of the closet….Eds come on, we are having a moment and you're making it really hard to stay serious!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** I know, it must be killing you and I couldn't be happier!

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:****** Oh and don't call me Eds!!!

 

****Bill and Beverly Chat****

_Today 1:30 AM_

 **Bev's a babe:** did you text Eddie?

 

 **Bill’s my man:** yupp

 

 **Bev's a babe:** and??

 

 **Bill’s my man:** nothing what did richie tell you

 

 **Bev's a babe:** he said they just talked.

 

 **Bill’s my man:** eddie said the same

 

 **Bev's a babe:** do you believe them?

 

 **Bill’s my man:** not for a second

 **Bill’s my man:** eddie was far from calm and he said “bitchin”

 

 **Bev's a babe:** that is weird

 **Bev's a babe:** richie was strange too!

 

 **Bill’s my man:** how so

 

 **Bev's a babe:** he was very calm and tried to get off the topic of Eddie way too quickly.

 **Bev's a babe:** that's like one of his favorite topics to discuss besides candy and planning to cause trouble.

 

 **Bill’s my man:** okay so we agree they are hiding something

 

 **Bev's a babe:** definitely

 

 **Bill’s my man:** should we confront them

 

 **Bev's a babe:** yes! how dare they keep an intimate secret quiet from us! where are they?

 

 **Bill’s my man:** they are with Ben discussing tangled and frozen

 

 **Bev's a babe:** they are going to be talking all night then.

 **Bev's a babe:** okay….we'll discuss with them tomorrow

 

 **Bill’s my man:** smart

 

****Men of the Year Chat - Ben, Mike, Stanley****

_Today 1:35 AM_

**Marvelous Mike:** Why is everyone acting weird?

 

 **Beautiful Ben:** What do you mean?

 

 **Sexy Stan:** I usually do not care but it is very suspicious.

 

 **Beautiful Ben:** Also, why are we texting when you two are in the other room?

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** Richie and Eddie were gone for 30 minutes and now they are talking to only Ben about Disney movies.

 

 ** **Beautiful** Ben: ** They wanted to know why Tangled was better than Frozen and I’ll have you know they were very interested!

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** Ben...

 

 **Beautiful Ben:** We’ve moved onto 2D movies and...nevermind, I understand your point!

 

 **Sexy Stan:** Beverly and Bill are texting each other about something.

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** How do you know?

 

 **Sexy Stan:** Bill side smiles when she texts him for any reason and Bev will look extra concentrated.

 

 **Beautiful Ben:** Detective Stan, you amaze me with your observational skills.

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** It’s always the quiet ones.

 

 **Beautiful Ben:** So something is going on between Bill, Bev, Rich and Eddie?

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** Yep, and it’s our job to find out.

 

 **Sexy Stan:** Do we have to?

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** Yes, get investigating Detective Stanley.

 

 **Beautiful Ben:** Oh fun! It’s like Sherlock and Watson and...and….and a Ben on the case!

 

 **Sexy Stan:** That was a wonderful analogy, Ben.

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** Good ole Benjamin

 **Marvelous Mike:** Let’s divide and conquer boys. One of us is bound to figure something out!

 

 **Beautiful Ben:** On it! Calm, cool, collected. They won’t suspect a thing!

  
**Sexy Stan:** I regret this already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years lovelies! -Sam and Shan


	17. Go To Sleep You Bastards

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is 4:00AM, Eddie can't sleep and texts the group chat to wake them up. They talk about pranks, life's challenges, bullies, and how much they love each other. 
> 
> Warning: Brief talk of sexual harassment and violence
> 
> From a request: "i know it’s probably boring but i would love for a losers late night conversations that they talk about anything and everything!! just random banter with the losers (if that’s okay it’s just a simple idea)"

_ ****The Losers Club**** _

_Today 4:00 AM_

**Eds:** I can’t sleep.

 **Eds:** Is anyone awake?

 

 **Trashmouth:** ME! Need me to come cuddle you to sleep?

 

 **Eds:** No! I’m not a baby.

 

 **Trashmouth:** You are my baby. *kiss emoji*

 

 **Eds:** Now I really wish I could go back to sleep and ignore you.

 

 **Big Bill:** what are you two doing awake at 4am

 

 **Trashmouth:** Our resident insomniac speaks!

 

 **Big Bill:** i was drawing when i heard my phone going off

 **Big Bill:** sorry you cant sleep eddie welcome to my world

 

 **Eds:** How many hours of sleep do you normally get a night?

 

 **Big Bill:** eh 1-2 on a bad night 4-5 on a good one

 

 **Bev:** babe i love you but fuck off i’m sleeping

 

 **Big Bill:** true love right there

 

 **Trashmouth:** Hey Wifey!! Eds can’t sleep and I was awake watching movies and Bill has insomnia. Join the party!

 

 **Bev:** i though was textin Bill cause his ring tone was goin off. whoops.

 

 **Eds:** Oh my god…what’s his ring tone?

 

 **Bev:** im bringig sexy bck

 **Bev:** sorry still waking up texting is hard.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I WILL NOW SING THAT SONG ANY TIME I SEE BILL WALKING UP

 

 **Big Bill:** if you do i will punch you

 

 **Trashmouth:** Triggered. Damn.

 

 **Big Bill:** mikey should be up soon we usually text in the mornings

 

 **Eds:** Why?

 

 **Big Bill:** he will have to feed the animals

 

 **Trashmouth:** or ya know…kill them.

 

 **Bev:** NO STOP! THIS IS WHY MIKE AND I ARE VEGETARIANS!

 

 **Eds:** On and off vegetarians. Haha.

 

 **Trashmouth:** That ain’t gonna stop them from being killed.

 

 **Eds:** At least it’s a more humane farm.

 

 **Bev:** all life is precious *crying emoji*

 

 **Big Bill:** we know babe

 

 **Trashmouth:** I strongly disagree. There are quite a few fucking politicians, world leaders, murders, bullies, and supermarket managers that I wouldn’t mind their deaths.

 

 **Eds:** I fucking hate Belinda from the supermarket.

 

 **Bev:** to be fair to Belinda, we were the ones causing problems.

 

 **Eds:** I had to keep Richie entertained! He hates shopping.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Oh man, I was laughing about that for the rest of the day.

 

 **Big Bill:** you didnt need to put condoms in all the shoppers baskets

 

 **Bev:** classic *cool emoji*

 

 **Eds:** I felt bad about the one couple that got into a fight because they were waiting to have sex.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I don’t understand wanting to wait. I want to jump Eds everyday.

 

 **Eds:** BEEP BEEP RICHIE!

 

 **Bev:** beep beep! Eddie is my innocent son!

 

 **Big Bill:** beep beep richie

 

 **Trashmouth:** Then Ben went up and apologized like the fucking weakling he is.

 

 **Bev:** Ben is not weak! he’s just nice.

 

 **Big Bill:** nah it was pretty pathetic to give away the prank

 

 **Eds:** You guys gave him shit for it for weeks.

 

 **Big Bill:** so did you eddie

 

 **Eds:** Yes, but that’s because he stupidly pointed right at me as the one that put the condom in their basket.

 

 **Bev:** Leave him alone! He can’t even defend himself.

 

 **Big Bill:** when has he ever defended himself

 

 **Trashmouth:** He defends us but never himself.

 

 **Bev:** that’s it, i’m calling him and making him wake up to tell you all off!

 

 **Eds:** I sincerely doubt he will defend himself, Bev.

 **Eds:** Oh! I know how we can wake him up!

 **Eds:** The Sky’s awake. So I’m awake.

 

 **Benny Boy:** So we have to play!

 

 **Eds:** Disney nerds unite!

 

 **Benny Boy:** Bev says you are all talking trash about me.

 

 **Bev:** tell em Ben!

 

 **Benny Boy:** Perhaps take it to another chat since my heart can’t take such teasing.

 **Benny Boy:** K thanks. ❤️

 

 **Bev:** precious Ben. so soft in his confrontations.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I never regret anything, but now I feel guilty.

 

 **Benny Boy:** I still love you guys. I am kind of a push over. Lol

 

 **Bev:** you are the nice one to balance out the rest of us.

 

 **Big Bill:** wow defending ben and insulting the rest of us is rude

 

 **Bev:** you didn’t let me finish, babe! he balances out Eddie’s fierceness, Richie’s lack of filter, Stanley’s sarcasm, Bill’s wit, Mike’s sweetness and my perfection.

 

 **Big Bill:** i think you mean your sass

 

 **Bev:** i’m going to kick you in the balls.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Y’all are into weird shit.

 

 **Big Bill:** i hate you richie

 

 **Eds:** I love being called fierce.

 

 **Bev:** a smol ball of energy and rage.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Making our gay icons proud.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** It is early for y’all!!

 **Mikey Mike:** But we are complimenting Eddie, so great I’m on board.

 

 **Eds:** Mikey!!! I love you man!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I love you too Eddie! You are my adorable lil lamb!

 

 **Trashmouth:** How come Bev and Mike can call you small but I can’t?

 

 **Eds:** Because I love them and hate you.

 

 **Big Bill:**  liar

 

 **Eds:** You shut up Billiam.

 

 **Big Bill:** ugh i hate that nickname

 

 **Trashmouth:** It’s ok Billiam. I know Eddie secretly loves me.

 

 **Eds:** You know nothing, Richie Tozier.

 

 **Bev:** Mike and i say Eddie is smol in a loving way. you say it to make fun of him.

 

 **Eds:** I miss the days when you were all an inch or two taller than me. Oh wait…that was never a thing.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** We have all been several inches taller than you forever. Haha

 

 **Eds:** NOT TRUE! Ben and Richie were only a couple inches taller in middle school.

 

 **Benny Boy:** At least I am taller than Beverly.

 

 **Bev:** by an inch!

 

 **Benny Boy:** I treasure that one inch because then I am 3rd shortest. Lol

 

 **Bev:** i think of you all as my height.

 

 **Eds:** Mood.

 

 **Big Bill:** you are both delusional

 

 **Trashmouth:** Beverly…I’m 6’0 and you are 5’6. And Eddie! You’re 5’5!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** And Stanley and I are 5’10 and Bill is 5’8. How are we the same height as you? Haha

 

 **Bev:** shhhhhhhh

 

 **Eds:** Accept it.

 

 **Stan the Man:** Go to sleep you bastards.

 

 **Trashmouth:** STAN THE MAN!!!! You live!

 

 **Stan the Man:** Why the fuck are you all awake so early and texting the group chat?

 

 **Eds:** Sorry, Stan. I couldn’t sleep.

 

 **Stan the Man:** Now I cannot sleep shitheads.

 **Stan the Man:** I should have put my phone on silent, damn it.

 

 **Bev:** Ben’s poor virgin eyes!

 

 **Benny Boy:** Hey…I curse…sometimes.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Only when you get hurt.

 

 **Eds:** Which usually happens if Richie accidentally hits him in the face with his elbow or he trips and smacks his head on something.

 

 **Benny Boy:** I’m so clumsy.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Me too.

 

 **Eds:** That’s what you get for being lanky and huge.

 

 **Benny Boy:** He never hits you in the face with his elbow!

 

 **Trashmouth:** I would never hit the love of my life!

 

 **Eds:** Stopppppppp it.

 

 **Stan the Man:** Fucking hell, I cannot handle less than 8 hours of sleep. I hate you all.

 

 **Big Bill:** at least it is saturday

 

 **Stan the Man:** I am tutoring a kid later!

 

 **Bev:** i’ve got a record store shift. you don’t see me complaining. woman up Stanley.

 

 **Stan the Man:** Fuck you, Beverly.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I have never seen Stanley curse this much over text.

 

 **Stan the Man:** I am sorry, Mikey. It is not aimed at you. You wake up early every morning.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** He called me Mikey. ❤️

 

 **Big Bill:** who are you and whatve you done with stan

 

 **Benny Boy:** Get him coffee STAT!

 

 **Trashmouth:** I thought I was the only one you use nicknames with!

 

 **Eds:** Stan the legend and originator of Trashmouth.

 

 **Stan the Man:** He started cursing so much when we were 9. I told him we should wash his mouth out with soap.

 

 **Big Bill:** but you called him trashmouth after he insulted the bowers gang

 

 **Eds:** That complete lack of a filter got Rich beat up the most.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Being ugly with giant front teeth and huge glasses does not help my case.

 

 **Bev:** husband...no

 

 **Eds:** Richie, you are not ugly. Oh my god. You are so attractive. Stop it.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Thanks babe.

 

 **Bev:** unclear if that was babe at me or Eddie...

 

 **Trashmouth:** ANYWAY, I didn’t mind getting beat up as much as when they fucked up my glasses. Mom would always give me a hard time.

 

 **Eds:** And she never cared why your glasses were broken. Nevermind that I always had to bandage you up because your parents didn’t even bother.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Dr. K loved making house calls for me.

 

 **Bev:** at least you were never sexually assaulted by the Bowers gang on multiple occasions.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I don’t know...Bowers had a boner once when he pinned me to the ground. He got off on torturing me. I felt violated by that.

 

 **Eds:** I remember that! You were shaking and hugging me for hours.

 

 **Benny Boy:** I wish I could go back in time and beat them up.

 

 **Stan the Man:** I would pay to see Ben try and beat someone up.

 

 **Big Bill:** jesus our convo just got so deep and dark

 

 **Mikey Mike:** If anyone doesn’t want to talk about something please speak up friends.

 

 **Eds:** It’s fine

 

 **Trashmouth:** Whatever

 

 **Stan the Man:** I have no problem with it.

 

 **Bev:** i’m ok.

 

 **Big Bill:** i mean i tell you guys everything

 

 **Benny Boy:** I still have the H scar...I hate pain but might get a tattoo when I turn 18 to cover it.

 

 **Bev:** Ben let’s get one together.

 

 **Benny Boy:** I would love that.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I WANT ONE TOO! Of Eddie’s face.

 

 **Eds:** Absolutely not Rich!

 

 **Bev:** Bowers and his gang really were just the most vile humans.

 

 **Stan the Man:** Remember the time they pushed my face into the snow until I could not breathe?

 

 **Big Bill:** you had to stay at my place until the bleeding stopped because it freaked you out so much

 

 **Bev:** also fucking Greta Bowie the devil’s daughter.

 

 **Eds:** Tell me about it. That one time when she locked me in a janitor's closet and said I belonged in there as a *insert gay derogatory slur I hate and makes me cry*.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I found you there hours after school and that’s when you came out to me.

 

 **Eds:** I needed some kind of control over my life and telling you felt like a fuck you to everyone who has ever insulted me for being gay.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Fierce as fuck.

 

 **Stan the Man:** At Sally Mueller’s party that we went to in 9th grade, Greta got me in spin the bottle then said she’d rather French kiss the dog instead of my Jew face.

 

 **Bev:** her and Sally poured wet trash onto my head when i was smoking in the girl's bathroom before i met you all.

 

 **Trashmouth:** You never told us she fucking did that!!

 

 **Bev:** that’s why i was desperate for us to be smoking buddies because i wanted the extra backup.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I will always be your backup wifey!

 

 **Eds:** Stop smoking, you are killing your lungs.

 

 **Bev:** *flip off emoji* good bring death faster.

 

 **Benny Boy:** Bev no!

 

 **Big Bill:** babe no

 

 **Trashmouth:** *smoking emoji* *kiss emoji*

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I am forever scarred from when Bowers tried to bash my head with a rock.

 

 **Bev:** but that rock fight was LEGENDARY!

 

 **Trashmouth:** I once in a while have dreams about how victorious I felt that day.

 

 **Benny Boy:** Even though you got whacked in the head with a rock?

 

 **Trashmouth:** I was well taken care of by Eds later. *wink emoji*

 

 **Eds:** ...I cleaned and bandaged him up. You literally all saw me. THAT’S ALL I SWEAR.

 

 **Bev:** Sureeeee it was.

 

 **Stan the Man:** Whatever you say, Eddie.

 

 **Big Bill:** i dont know eddie you two went off for a while after

 

 **Eds:** I will hurt you all.

 

 **Benny Boy:** We are certainly better off without those bullies.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I love you all so much. Rock fight was the day we became buddies.

 

 **Eds:** Fucking sameeee. You light up my life friends.

 

 **Big Bill:** so much love for my losers club

 

 **Bev:** i wish i could hug and kiss you all right now.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I want to make out with you all, I love you so much.

 

 **Benny Boy:** LOVE YOU ALL!

 

 **Stan the Man:** You are the biggest saps but I do love you.

 

 **Benny Boy:** I know it is 5:00am but I want to see you all.

 

 **Big Bill:** we could get coffee at the diner right now

 

 **Mikey Mike:** It is where Bill and I have our morning coffee dates! Poor insomniac friend.

 

 **Big Bill:** it is a burden i must live with

 

 **Eds:** I'm already getting dressed, meet you losers there!

 

 **Bev:** haha Eddie! okay, guess we are going for coffee. I’ll be in pajamas because fuck clothes.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Extremely relatable statement, Bev.  I’ll pick you up Eds.

 

 **Eds:** Sweeeeet!

 

 **Bev:** me too!

 

 **Big Bill:** also me im saving gas

 

 **Trashmouth:** Fine fine fine. Anyone else?

 

 **Benny Boy:** Me, haha.

 

 **Stan the Man:** You monsters have to buy my coffee, damn it.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I got it Stanley!

 

 **Stan the Man:** I want a donut too.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Of course. Lol

 

 **Stan the Man:** Fine, I will come.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I’ll also pick you up on the way there.

 

 **Stan the Man:** That sounds perfect. Thank you, Mikey.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Never getting over you calling me Mikey. ☺️

 

 **Stan the Man:** Yes, yes just get in the car, please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam and I loved writing this up! Thank you for the suggestion anon and we hope we did it justice!


	18. michael hanlon date blocker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike accidentally crashes Eddie and Richie's date.

** ****The Losers Club**** **

**Mikey Mike:** Hey my beautiful friends, I randomly had the pleasure of bumping into Richard and Edward at Swirl world. Would you all care to join in on the fun?

 

 **Eds:** Yes, for the love of god please come join.

 

 **Big Bill:** sure

 

 **Bev:** sounds good, although…Eddie, why so desperate for us to join?

 

 **Stan the Man:**  I love their mint chocolate chip, I will head over when I am done tutoring this kid.

 

 **Benny Boy:** Why did you go to an ice cream shop out of town?

 

 **Eds:** Because Ben! Would you all stop with the third degree and just come?!

 

 **Benny Boy:** I..I didn’t mean…I’m sorry!

 

 **Bev:** don’t apologize Ben you’ve done nothing wrong. Eddie why so extra today?

 

 **Benny Boy:** Shook!

 

 **Big Bill:** shh ben its okay

 

 **Trashmouth:** We wanted it to be convenient for Mike.

 

 **Stan the Man:** And not invite him?

 

 **Trashmouth:** Did you just begin a sentence with an ‘and’? Stan the man, that’s not accurate. Who are you and what have you done with Stan?!

 

 **Stan the Man:**  How dare you.

 

 **Bev:** Wait no, Stan has a point! WHY WERE YOU TWO OUT ALL ALONE??

 

 **Big Bill:** interrupted a date there mikey

 

 **Bev:**  this is why Eddie is freaking the fuck out!

 

 **Big Bill:** michael hanlon date blocker

 

 **Eds:** Eww stop, I told Richie to invite you all!

 

 **Trashmouth:**  WTF okay I see how it is Eds.

 

 **Eds:**  …I didn’t mean it badly.

 

 **Stan the Man:**  You were just disgusted at the thought of dating Richie. Although, I agree with you, how else should he take it?

 

 **Eds:** What? No! I don’t know. I’m so confused…

 

 **Big Bill:**  that is some harsh rejection

 

 **Eds:** ARE YOU ALL COMING FOR ICE CREAM OR FUCKING NOT?

 

 **Big Bill:** well damn eddie someone hit a sore spot

 

 **Mikey Mike:** This is getting out of hand. I just bumped into them. I’m sure they planned on telling us.

 

 **Eds:** Thank you Mike!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** They were definitely not on a date trust me, not with the way these two are dressed.

 

 **Eds:**  Exactly! Totally not on a date.

 **Eds:**  Wait, what’s wrong with the way I’m dressed?

 

 **Trashmouth:**  NOTHING IS WRONG WITH YOU EVER! I WILL FIGHT YOU MICHAEL!

 

 **Benny Boy:**  Mikey is so seldomly savage but when he is, it’s so subtle!

 

 **Stan the Man:**  I live for it.

 

 **Big Bill:** coming to meet you now anyone need a ride

 

 **Bev:**  your better half would love one!

 

 **Big Bill:**  you cant see but im shaking my head

 

 **Bev:** thanks hun!

 

 **Stan the Man:**  I will meet you soon. I still have about ten minutes before I am finished up here.

 

 **Benny Boy:**  I’d love a ride Bill.

 

 **Big Bill:** sure

 

 **Trashmouth:**  Awkward sauce.

 

 **Benny Boy:**  I’m confused.

 

 **Bev:** why is that Richy?

 

 **Trashmouth:** Don’t start that shit again.

 

 **Bev:**  what shit Richy?

 

 **Trashmouth:** Bev I mean it!

 

 **Stan the Man:** I am sensing an annoyed, Richy.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Fuck off

 

 **Stan the Man:** My time has come!

 

 **Trashmouth:**  Look what you’ve started Bev! Stan is using exclamation points!!!

 

 **Eds:** Do you NOT like the nickname Richy??

 **Eds:** It’s so cute though!

 

 **Trashmouth:** Eds are you sure you want to start this? I have a bit of dirt on you that I am more than willing to share with the group.

 

 **Eds:**  Fuck You.

 

 **Trashmouth:**  Not in front of the kids EDDIE SPAGHETTI!

 

 **Stan the Man:** Beep beep, Richy.

 

 **Trashmouth:**  Asshole

 

 **Eds:** I’m just going to talk to Mike now.

 

 **Benny Boy:** These conversations escalate at such a rapid pace!

 

 **Trashmouth:** Just everyone hurry and get their asses here!

 

****Eddie and Richie Chat****

**Eds ❤️:** Do you think they suspected anything?

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :** **Oh my sweet boy.

 **Rich ** **❤️**** :** “ARE YOU ALL COMING FOR ICE CREAM OR FUCKING NOT?” Could you be any less chill?

 

 **Eds ❤️:** Me…what about you?

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :** **What about me Eds?

 

 **Eds ❤️:** I don’t know…you’re right okay!

 **Eds ❤️:** I panicked, you can’t expect anything less.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :** **I know, it’s okay I got your back babe. ;)

 

 ** **Eds ❤️:** ** God, I am really fucking bad at lying.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :** **No shit. But it is so cute.

 

 ** **Eds ❤️:**  **I’m sorry for throwing you under the bus, I just knew you could handle it better! I can’t believe we got caught!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :** **I know. We may need to confess to being lovers.

 

 ** **Eds ❤️:**  **Richie!!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :** **Hey, don’t worry about it, Eds. It was Mike who spotted us, he’s too laid back to actually confront us about it! He even said in the chat it wasn’t a date.

 

 ** **Eds ❤️:**  **What about Beverly?!

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :** **Bev just wants us to be together so badly she will keep going at it for every little thing!

 

 ** **Eds ❤️:**  **You think?

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :** **I know!

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:******  I’m just way more on edge after Bill and Bev tried to get us to confess about New Years. I can barely lie through text let alone in person.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **Yeahhhhh. It was hard to convince them.

 

 **** ** **Eds ❤️:**** You saved us when you lied and said we talked about family problems.

 

 ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** Unfortunately, we all understand having familial issues so I knew it would get them to back off.

 

 ** ** **Eds ❤️:******  I’m really not ready to tell them.

 

 ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :**** **I knowwwwwww.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:********  I hope you also know it has nothing to do with us being together. I like us figuring out our relationship together first.

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **So do I. I like having it just between us. ❤️

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:********  Also, it’s my paranoia about it getting to Mom. Less people who know…less chance it gets to her. I’m honestly so sorry.

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :******** Eds…I know! Please, don’t apologize, I will let you know if it bothers me. Stop worrying your pretty little head.

 

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:******  **Okay, you’re right! It’s fine!

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:********  And don’t call me Eds.

 ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:******  **OR LITTLE!

 

 ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :****** **But I can call you pretty?

 

 ** ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:**********  …if you must.

 

 ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :******** **Bless my pretty boy.

 

 ** ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:**********  I will fight you.

 ** ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:**********  I guess Mike was normal at swirl world and Bev reads too much into everything. I suppose I shouldn’t worry.

 

 ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :********** Exactly!

 ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :******** **But damn Mike cause that date was going so well before he interrupted it.

 

 ** ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:********  **Haha. Yeah. All 30 minutes of it.

 

 ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :********** I will cherish those 30 minutes. So is this our first date or was the quarry one before we became a thing the first date?

 

 ** ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:********  **I consider the quarry our first date but think New Years is when we can consider us DATING dating. Make sense? That night was perfect.

 

 ** ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :************ Perfect because we were together.

 

 ** ** ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:************  HOW ARE YOU SO SMOOTH AND YET THE BIGGEST IDIOT?!

 

 ** ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :************ I am what God made.

 

 ** ** ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:**********  **Also I apologize for saying ‘eww’ at the idea of dating you. It’s not, it’s actually amazing!

 

 ** ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :********** **That’s okay, you just have to make it up to me!

 

 ** ** ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:************  Is that so. Haha

 

 ** ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :********** **Yes! Now can I come and meet you so I can give you a kiss and end this date right?!

 

 ** ** ** ** ** **Eds ❤️:************  ...Okay! That’s how I will make it up to you.

 

 ** ** ** ** ** **Rich ** **❤️**** :********** **HAWT

 

****Men of the Year Chat - Ben, Mike, Stanley****

**Marvelous Mike:** I have to tell you all something!

 

 **Beautiful Ben:** What is it Mikey?

 

 **Sexy Stan:** Are you okay?

 

 **Marvelous Mike:**  I’m fine! What I’m talking about is Eddie and Richie. I think I did interrupt a date!

 

 **Sexy Stan:** You were adamant that it was not a date in the group chat.

 

 **Beautiful Ben:** Hold on a ding dong second, are you telling me Richie is also gay?

 

 **Sexy Stan:**  I am stunned as in actually speechless. Did I truly read the above properly?

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** Benjamin….what?

 

 **Beautiful Ben:** I’m just kidding, I make jokes sometimes!

 

 **Marvelous Mike:**  Pick your moments Benjamin, this is important!

 

 **Beautiful Ben:**  I’m sorry, continue!

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** So I walk into the Swirl World and spot Richie and Eddie. As I get closer I see Eddie cutely wipe ice cream off of the tip of Richie’s nose and they look sweetly into each others' eyes, all smiley. Like no one else is on this planet but them…

 

 **Sexy Stan:** You are describing them 40% of the time and the other 60% they are fighting like a married couple.

 

 **Marvelous Mike:**  It was after Stan! I went up to them and they gaped at me before Eddie squeaked out a hello. Their jaws actually dropped! Then I sat with them and it was…. awkward…they sat so far from one another….I believe at one point Richie actually blushed!

 

 **Beautiful Ben:** Stop it Mike you’re freaking me out!

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** How do you think I feel?! I mean you saw them in the group chat, their responses. It was all very weird.

 

 **Sexy Stan:** You do have a point, they did seem a bit put off.

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** Right!

 

 **Beautiful Ben:** Like children getting caught stealing a cookie before dinner, right after their mother told them no because they haven’t been eating their broccoli.

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** Oddly specific, but sure.

 

 **Sexy Stan:**  I think it is hilarious that you ruined their date.

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** You would. Lol

 

 **Sexy Stan:**  I can imagine their horror at seeing you. It must have been priceless.

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** That’s why I texted you all to join! It was an SOS.

 

 **Sexy Stan:** I would pay you to ruin any future Richie and Eddie dates but bring your camera to document their reactions.

 

 **Beautiful Ben:**  You are so mean Stanley.

 

 **Sexy Stan:** Am I mean or seeing the potential for hilarity?

 

 **Marvelous Mike:**  Honestly, I will take a picture of their reactions for free.

 

 **Sexy Stan:**  If that happens, expose them for their lies.

 

 **Beautiful Ben:** I’m happy for them! They are the cutest couple.

 

 **Sexy Stan:** Do not let Beverly and Bill hear you say that.

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** Ben would never, and could never be that cruel.

 

 **Sexy Stan:** You are right, I will do it next time I see Beverly and Bill. **  
**

 

 **Marvelous Mike:**  It would be very on brand.

 

 **Beautiful Ben:** Wait…if the four of them are dating…where does that leave us?!

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** Extremely single.

 

 **Sexy Stan:** We are painfully single.

 

 **Beautiful Ben:**  Ugh…I’m sad…actually we are all a bit sad.

 

 **Sexy Stan:**  I believe it is time to change our nicknames in this chat, gentlemen.

 

_Stanley Uris set their nickname to Single Stan_

 

 **Beautiful Ben:** Sigh…

 

_Ben Hanscom set their nickname to Bachelor Ben_

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** We have not actually gotten confirmation yet, so maybe it isn’t true!

 

 **Single Stan:**  I have known them forever, it is probably true.

 

 **Marvelous Mike:** Damn. Well…

 

_Mike Hanlon set their nickname to Maybe Next Year Mike_

 

 **Single Stan:** That is a spectacular nickname choice.

 

 **Bachelor Ben:**  I am dying of laughter and yet internally crying too.

 

 **Single Stan:** We should figure out if Richie and Eddie are for sure dating.

 

 **Maybe Next Year Mike:** EXPOSE THEM!

 

 **Single Stan:** In all seriousness, how dare they lie to their best friends.

 

 **Bachelor Ben:** Or maybe we should try and get dates so we aren’t extremely painfully single.

 

 **Maybe Next Year Mike:**  …

 

 **Single Stan:** …

 

 **Maybe Next Year Mike:**  I think I like Stan’s plan more.

 

 **Single Stan:**  I prefer my plan too.

 

 ** **Bachelor** Ben: ** Me too, with his plan I don’t get rejected and think I should just join the hermit life.

 

 **Single Stan:** Your comments make me sad, Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let us know what you thought.


	19. #relatableTink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beverly and Bill decide they need some relationship time, while Ben and Mike discuss an unfortunate issue Ben has.

****Beverly and Bill Chat****

**Bev’s a Babe:** hey hun, what are you up to today?

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** boring stuff hanging with the rents

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** well how about i steal you away and make your day interesting?

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** i like the sound of that

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** great! so do i, it feels like it’s been a long time since we spent any alone time together.

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** yeah it has ive been going through things and knew you would want to know whats going on

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** are you ready to talk about it now?

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** not really i would much rather talk about how you are perfect and i love your face

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** well as much as i would like to know what is bothering you because i hate you hurting…

 **Bev’s a Babe:** i would never turn down receiving compliments!

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** i honest to god have the perfect girlfriend though

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** go on then, continue telling me what a perfect girlfriend you have!

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** you are as brilliant as humanity can make

 **Bill’s my Man:** you light up any room that you walk into

 **Bill’s my Man:** you make me feel like a better person just by knowing you

 **Bill’s my Man:** and i know that no matter what we will always remain best friends through anything

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** wow, Bill. i was not expecting all that!

 **Bev’s a Babe:** i honest to god have the best boyfriend too!!!

 **Bev’s a Babe:** you’re amazing and brave and so strong…you’ve been through things most people shouldn’t and you’ve come out stronger than ever!

 **Bev’s a Babe:** i trust you and you’re one of the only people i know i can count on!

 **Bev’s a Babe:** i love you so much Bill, you know that right??

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** i do and i love you so much

 **Bill’s my Man:** i guess ive just been feeling a little self conscious about our relationship lately

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** really?! aww hun, why is that?

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** if you can believe that after 4 years

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** why didn’t you speak up sooner!

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** because it is probably all in my head anyway

 **Bill’s my Man:** as a writer i sometimes blur the line of reality and fiction

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** understatement

 **Bev’s a Babe:** i don’t want you to feel self-conscious about us ever and if you do i would prefer if you came and talk to me.

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** i know babe

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** i mean what could i possibly say that would be scary Lol

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** knowing the truth is sometimes scarier than my fictional thoughts

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** okay that was really deep, what’s on your mind baby? i can tell it’s something serious. i’m a bit worried!

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** ya know my parents are going out tonight do you want to come over and fool around

 **Bill’s my Man:** and by fool around i mean be wholesome teenagers of course

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** haha what a gentleman you are

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** thats me bill man that is gentle denbrough

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** hahaha. obviously. well that all sounds wonderful but what am i to do till then?

 **Bev’s a Babe:** i miss you and would like to see you nowwww

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** i can tell

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** do you want to go to a movie and make out while we not watch it??

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** hell yeah i do

 **Bill’s my Man:** you can totally stay over tonight too and we can go hiking just us tomorrow

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** we don’t have to go hiking, i know that only Mike and i actually enjoy it. Haha

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** then we can just walk around the park or something

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** sounds perfect! See you soon hun.

 

 **Bill’s my Man:** love you babe

 

 **Bev’s a Babe:** love you too hun ❤️

 

****Mike and Ben chat****

**Mike the Wise:** Benjamin hello. Why so quiet on our group chat today?

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** Hi Mikey, oh no reason, just caught up in watching movies.

 

 **Mike the Wise:** Oh, plural! what movies?

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** …Titanic and now Hunchback of Notre Dame

 

 **Mike the Wise:** No

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** What do you mean no?! They are good movies!

 

 **Mike the Wise:** They are excellent movies but they are also your pining movies.

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** They….are not my pinning movies!

 

 **Mike the Wise:** Benjamin

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** I…I just felt for them.

 

 **Mike the Wise:** Because you’re pining over Bev.

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** Titanic is a classic and anyone would be consumed by that love story and as for hunchback, that movie is underappreciated and golden!

 

 **Mike the Wise:** Did you forget that you spoke to me about how you love hunchback so much because you relate to Quasimodo?

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** I don’t recall

 

 **Mike the Wise:** Bev=Esmeralda, Bill=Phoebus and you are Quasimodo.

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** Okay I remember.

 **Ben’s a 10:** And I’m only admitting it because seriously how perfect is the comparison! Like that was deep and very intellectual!

 

 **Mike the Wise:** Oh Ben, so you wanna tell me what sparked you watching your pining movies?

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** Ughhhhh

 

 **Mike the Wise:** What happened with Bev this time?

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** I swear Mikey one of these times it’s not going to be about Bev…

 

 **Mike the Wise:** Uh huh. Like I believe that.

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** Just remember you came to me!

 **Ben’s a 10:** For now…She posted this on instagram  _*screenshot of Bev and Bill together from bev’s insta*_

 **Ben’s a 10:** With the caption: “We are disgusting. I’m sorry…except not really. ❤️”

 **Ben’s a 10:** What does Bill have that I don’t have?

 **Ben’s a 10:** Wait, don’t answer that.

 **Ben’s a 10:** I’m happy for them, I really am!! I’d just be happier if it were me!!

 

 **Mike the Wise:** I know bro. It’s hard when you have been in love with her for years.

 **Mike the Wise:** And you are a catch, Ben. Stop being so hard on yourself.

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** Aww thank you Mike, but I’m the Quasimodo in the scenario remember.

 

 **Mike the Wise:** Everyone loved Quasimodo!

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** Yeah but no one was IN love with him.

 

 **Mike the Wise:** They were in the terrible sequel.

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** That doesn’t count.

 **Ben’s a 10:** It’s fine really, I don’t want to complain because I feel awful having these feeling!

 **Ben’s a 10:** I just wish I could get over her!! Mike the wise, tell me how to do that?!?

 

 **Mike the Wise:** Giving her that infinity necklace certainly did not help things.

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** I know. It was a mistake to make that for her.

 

 **Mike the Wise:** She never takes it off and I think it bothers Bill.

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** I AM THE WORST PERSON EVER!

 

 **Mike the Wise:** You can’t help how you feel!

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** I just want to stop crushing on her.

 

 **Mike the Wise:** It’s not that simple Ben, you’ve never had any closure…there are still too many ‘what ifs’.

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** That’s IT. CLOSURE!!! I need me some of that!

 **Ben’s a 10:** How do I get that?

 

 **Mike the Wise:** Well…the easiest way would have been to confess how you feel years ago…

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** So I should write another poem confessing how I feel!!!

 

 **Mike the Wise:** No…No, not where I was going with that. You’ve passed the easy stage and crossed into complicated as fuck.

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** Complicated as fuck is right. I don’t want to hurt anyone and I’m happy for Bill and Bev, they make one another happy so as their friend….

 **Ben’s a 10:** UGHHH!  _*screenshot of Bev and Bill together from Bill’s insta*_

 **Ben’s a 10:** Are you kidding me?! Why do they have to take such cute pictures all the time! It’s like I’m looking at a “find love” matchmaking website.

 

 **Mike the Wise:** Okay buddy I think it’s time we put the phone away. Let’s get you out with the 3-dimensional people and go get some ice cream, I’ve finished my chores.

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** But Richie and Eddie might be there, they mentioned ice cream earlier in the chat…I don’t want to bump into any of the other Losers. I just want to stay home and cry about loving my best friend’s girlfriend who is also my best friend and think about how horrible I am.

 **Ben’s a 10:** Maybe watch Peter Pan.

 

 **Mike the Wise:** Aww Ben but I guess that’s a better movie to….wait, why Peter Pan?

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** Tinker Bell is in love with Peter and yet Peter never loves her back. #relatableTink

 

 **Mike the Wise:** I can’t right now with you. You need to step away from Disney movies!

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** Gasp! Mike, I know how sad I sound but you can’t say such things! Disney is life!

 

 **Mike the Wise:** Oh man, okay look I’m ending this pity party and I’m going to pick the movie. We can watch stuff blow up.

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** Hmm Okay okay sure! Your place or mine?

 

 **Mike the Wise:** Yours of course. I want to raid your fridge.

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** Oh my goddddd, you and food. Haha.

 

 **Mike the Wise:** Listen, I spent all of yesterday thinking about your mom’s peach cobbler.

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** Well, lucky for you she made another one. I think she knows you love it and keeps making it so you’ll stick around. Pretty sure you’re her favorite.

 

 **Mike the Wise:** Aww, I feel special! I’ll be over in 5

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** Mike, you live 20 minutes away.

 

 **Mike the Wise:** 5 MINUTES BENJAMIN!

 

 **Ben’s a 10:** OH MY GOD! OK!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bev and Bill chat was from a request on tumblr for more cute couple times with them. Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> But because Sam and Shan love some angst we added in Ben and Mike chat time.
> 
> Love you all!


	20. I Am Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan the Man is sick except he is never sick enough to miss school. So the Losers Club try to figure out what is really wrong.

****Eddie and Stanley Chat****

_Today 8:50 AM_

**Eddie:** Richie, Bill and I missed you in English! Are you ok?

 

 **Stanley:** I am surprised you noticed I was not around, Eddie.

 

 **Eddie:** What is that supposed mean??

 

 **Stanley:** It means, lately, you have had a one track mind and that track leads to Richie.

 

 **Eddie:** I’m choking, that is not true!

 

 **Stanley:** It is true.

 

 **Eddie:** Stop! This isn’t about me!

 **Eddie:** You’re distracting me from my main point in messaging you! Are you okay?

 

 **Stanley:** I am sick, there is nothing more to it.

 

 **Eddie:** Ahhhh oh no! Stan!! You never get sick! Do you want me to bring you anything during lunch? I can make Richie drive me over.

 

 **Stanley:** I am fine. Thank you, Eddie.

 

 **Eddie:** Are you sure? No chicken soup? Or…

 **Eddie:** Wait, what are you sick with? Is it the flu, is it a stomach thing?

 **Eddie:** On a scale of 1-10, what is your pain level?

 

_Stanley Uris set the nickname for Eddie Kaspbrak to Nurse Eddie_

 

 **Nurse Eddie:** Very funny Stanley.

 

_Stanley Uris set their nickname to Patient Stanley_

 

 **Patient Stanley:** Do you get it? Since I am your patient but I am also patient.

 **Patient Stanley:** Wow, I am hilarious.

 

 **Nurse Eddie:** Your comedic wit is years ahead of its time.

 **Nurse Eddie:** Oh my god, hold on Stan, are you in the hospital?

 **Nurse Eddie:** Are you dying??!!!

 **Nurse Eddie:** Is that why you missed today because you NEVER miss?!

 

 **Patient Stanley:** Eddie, stay calm. I am not in the hospital or dead. I am fine.

 

 **Nurse Eddie:** Oh okay then, sorry. It’s just, do you know how many people think they are fine but in actuality, they are gravely ill?

 

 **Patient Stanley:** You think they might have to amputate my waist?

 

 **Nurse Eddie:** No Stan, that isn’t what I…

 **Nurse Eddie:** Oh wait...HAHA you are hilarious -.-

 **Nurse Eddie:** I say something stupid one time when I am 13 and it haunts me to this day.

 

 **Patient Stanley:** You say something stupid every day.

 

 **Nurse Eddie:** Stanley, I am not Richie. I will kick your ass for insulting me without a second thought.

 

 **Patient Stanley:** I would love to see you try shorty.

 

 **Nurse Eddie:** Oh you know what, that’s it, I am so taking you down when you feel better.

 **Nurse Eddie:** Until then...maybe you should go to the hospital just in case!

 **Nurse Eddie:** Better safe than dead.

 

 **Patient Stanley:** I do not know how to respond to any of this.

 **Patient Stanley:** I promise I am fine. It is a stomach, flu, fever thing. That is all, nothing to worry over!

 

 **Nurse Eddie:** A stomach, flu, fever thing??

 **Nurse Eddie:** I have literally never heard of that combination of symptoms before Stanley!!

 **Nurse Eddie:** I think I would feel a lot better if you just went to the hospital.

 

 **Patient Stanley:** I am not going to the hospital, Eddie.

 

 **Nurse Eddie:** But if you are really sick then you should.

 

 **Patient Stanley:** Eddie trust me when I say, I am fine. I just need to be home and away from everything today.

 

 **Nurse Eddie:** Okay...

 **Nurse Eddie:** Stan...you know you can talk to me or the group about anything right!! Like anything!!

 

 **Patient Stanley:** Yes, I know but I do not need too.

 

 **Nurse Eddie:** Because you’re just not feeling well and that’s it?

 

 **Patient Stanley:** Exactly, I’m not feeling well and that is it!

 

 **Nurse Eddie:** ...I see

 **Nurse Eddie:** Alright, well feel better Stan and drink fluids and rest up. Talk to you soon.

 

 **Patient Stanley:** Wait, Eddie, there is nothing to ‘see’. Do NOT express your concerns with Richie!

 

****Richie and Stanley Chat****

**The Thing of Evil:** How fucking DARE you make me suffer through AP Gov alone right now!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:** I am sick, Richie.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** That is no excuse you Benedick Arnold!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly:**  *Benedict

 **Stanley’s Manly** : Are you truly comparing my missing class because I am sick to one of the greatest American traitors of all time?

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Prove me wrong, bitch. God...I wish Eddie was in AP Gov.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : He despises history.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** He should have suffered through it for me.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : He would rather stick his tongue to a dirty flag pole.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Fuck you Aaron Burr.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : I did not try to steal the state of Louisiana.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** You WOULD pick the thing he is least known for and not the fact that he killed Alexander Hamilton in cold blood.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : It was a fair duel. They both agreed to it.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** IN

 **The Thing of Evil:** COLD

 **The Thing of Evil:** BLOOD

 **The Thing of Evil:** Alexander purposely didn’t kill him, whereas Aaron Burr SHOT TO KILL.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : You only care about Alexander Hamilton after listening to the musical on repeat for months.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** It’s the greatest musical to bless this country since Les Misérables.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : I would disagree with you but I would be lying to the world.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Not the point of all this. Admit you aren’t sick!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : I am sick.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** I don’t believe you.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : Do I need to prove it in some way?

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** You’ve never missed a day of school for sickness.

 **The Thing of Evil:** In 5th grade, you came to school with a 102-degree fever.

 **The Thing of Evil:** You didn’t stay home cause of fucking sickness.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : Drop it, Trashmouth.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Say please, Manly.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : No.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Then I’m not dropping it. WHY ARE YOU NOT AT SCHOOL STANLEY?!

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : I do not want to see your ugly fucking face.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** You lie to yourself, Stan the man. You love my sexy fucking face.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : Will you please leave me alone.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** I love it when you beg me so nice.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : Stop it right now.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Hahaha. Eddie told me to push you to say what’s wrong. Sorry. I don’t really give a fuck. You do you.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : I figured.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Now that’s a kid who has missed more school than anyone.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : He was a sickly child.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** So Mrs. K told him.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : It must have been hard for Eddie.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** He is a ball of fury, anxiety, and cuteness.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : I know you think that.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** I don’t THINK it. I KNOW it. He can do anything.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : He is probably the strongest out of all of us.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** I always thought that was you.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : That is nice of you to say.

 

 **The Thing of Evil:** Ok well, hurry up and feel better assface. I expect to see you tomorrow.

 

 **Stanley’s Manly** : I am sure you will.

 

****Bill and Stanley Chat****

_Today 11:30 AM_

**Grammarless Bill:** english with just richie and eddie was hell on earth

 

 **Policeman Stan:** I am sure you are exaggerating.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** i am not they are so annoying with how in love they seem

 

 **Policeman Stan:** They have always been that way, even when we were little.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** no way I feel like its gotten worse

 **Grammarless Bill:** plus i didnt have you to distract me from ignoring them

 

 **Policeman Stan:** I am good at distractions.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** richie tried to hold eddie’s hand at one point and they kept looking at one another and giggling

 

 **Policeman Stan:** That image is vomit inducing.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** bev and i dont even giggle and we are an actual couple

 

 **Policeman Stan:** I am sorry Bev and you do no giggle, but I was not feeling well.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** so are you feeling better now will you come in later today

 

 **Policeman Stan:** No, I am still feeling sick.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** are you really though

 

 **Policeman Stan:** I refuse to answer to a man who does not use punctuation.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** and I refuse to ignore a friend in need especially when he uses lame excuses to avoid the issue

 

 **Policeman Stan:** You are exhausting.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** im just saying that in all the years ive known you you have never been sick enough to miss school

 

 **Policeman Stan:** My immune system finally failed me.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** stan even when you get sick you refuse to admit you are sick

 

 **Policeman Stan:** There is a first time for everything.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** stan

 

 **Policeman Stan:** What do you want from me, Bill?

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** nothing its you who I want to want something from us

 

 **Policeman Stan:** What?

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** i want you to feel safe and confide in someone

 

 **Policeman Stan:** It is far too early for this pep talk.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** it doesnt need to be me just someone in the group to talk it out so whatever has you feeling “unwell” can hopefully begin to go away

 

 **Policeman Stan:** I am blown away because you used quotations for once in your life.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** look im not saying it is easy talking about feelings but also we are your best friends which means we can read you pretty well and we know something isnt right

 

 **Policeman Stan:** It seems I have lost my mystery and allure.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** oh no you are still an enigma

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Excellent, I need to keep everyone guessing.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** i love you man and if you want to tell us youre sick then thats fine but please think of talking to someone in the group

 

 **Policeman Stan:** That sounds like an immense amount of effort.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** if it doesnt help you feel a little better then i will allow you to punch me in the face

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Richie will be very upset that I get to punch you in the face, but it is a sacrifice I am willing to make.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** wait it isnt a definite thing that you get to hit me you have to talk to someone and then admit to me that it didnt help

 

 **Policeman Stan:** I know the deal, still, he would get extremely jealous.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** true since he claims he never forgave me for punching him when we were 13

 

 **Policeman Stan:** I truly am sick though, Bill.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** okay stan

 

 **Policeman Stan:** I appreciate you being there for me.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** always buddy

 **Grammarless Bill:** just think about what I said

 

****Beverly and Stanley Chat****

**Bitter Beverly:** what kind of bagel can fly?

 

 **Salty Stanley:** A plain bagel.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** ONE DAY YOU WON’T KNOW THE PUNCHLINE

 

 **Salty Stanley:** That is highly unlikely.

 

_Today 12:50 PM_

**Bitter Beverly:** Stanley!! i hear you’re not feeling well! my poor angel.

 

 **Salty Stanley:** It is unfortunately true. Thank you for checking on me.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** of course! it’s weird being at school and you’re not here. it’s like Ben saying he doesn’t want to watch a new disney movie.

 

 **Salty Stanley:** I want to be there. I just could not be there, today.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** yeah, okay.

 **Bitter Beverly:** Stan i’m only going to ask this once…are you sure you’re okay? i mean like really okay!?

 

 **Salty Stanley:** Be assured that I am perfectly alright.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** sigh, okay…

 

 **Salty Stanley:** How was AP Physics today? Did I miss a lot?

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** it was SOoooo boring i missed you like crazy.

 **Bitter Beverly:** we also had to pair off and guess who I was partnered with

 

 **Salty Stanley:** Hopefully, not with Richie.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** my husband and i would have been perfect partners. him and Eddie got to pair up and goof off all class, which is so unfair. i was with Greta fucking Bowie!

 

 **Salty Stanley:** I am sincerely sorry.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** she is so nasty. she spent half the class calling me an idiot when literally, she had no idea how to do the assignment! i had to do everything.

 

 **Salty Stanley:** I would have yelled at her for treating you unkindly and I rarely yell.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** thanks Stanny ❤️

 **Bitter Beverly:** Eddie heard her insult me and before i could defend myself, he jumped in to tell her off saying, “you have the intelligence level of a fucking fruit fly, Bowie. stop calling Beverly stupid. you live and breathe mediocrity.”

 

 **Salty Stanley:** Eddie’s comebacks are pure poetry. Please tell me Trashmouth added something clever to that. I live for Richie and Eddie takedowns.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** “Oh Eds, there is no need to insult fruit flies like that. Bowie’s dumber than the fucking shit a fly eats.”

 

 **Salty Stanley:** I would have slow clapped in the background.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** it was spectacular. then more karma was served at lunch for her.

 

 **Salty Stanley:** What do you mean?

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** oh i’m sure someone will tell you the story. anyway other than a boring lecture and pairing up with SATAN herself, nothing was missed!

 **Bitter Beverly:** AND because i am the best i photocopied my notes from said boring lecture so i can give them to you!

 **Bitter Beverly:** it’s okay to admit i’m your favorite

 

 **Salty Stanley:** I do not need to admit what is obviously true. Thank you for doing that.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** ❤️

 

 ** **Salty** Stanley:** I am impressed you and Richie did not blow up the physics classroom in my absence.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** that happened one time.

 

 **Salty Stanley:** The one other time I was not in science with you.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** because you wanted to take ap environmental science like the nerd you are.

 

 **Salty Stanley:** Excuse me, Eddie and I loved that class. We were provided an understanding of the interrelationships of the natural world!

 **Salty Stanley:** We learned how to identify and analyze environmental problems both natural and human-made, to evaluate the relative risks associated with these problems, and to examine alternative solutions for resolving and/or preventing them.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** YOU ARE A N E R D *glasses wearing buck tooth emoji*

 

 **Salty Stanley:** How dare you use the Trashmouth emoji on me.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** Fight me N E R D.

 

 **Salty Stanley:** Science is your best subject, you are even better at it than me, who is the real nerd?

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** i’m a mad scientist, not a nerd.

 **Bitter Beverly:** but you missed out because ap chem was the best fucking class.

 **Bitter Beverly:** we learned how to blow shit up and how to not blow shit up.

 

 **Salty Stanley:** Beverly, you and Richie set fire to the Chemistry lab.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** …we figured out how to put it out.

 **Bitter Beverly:** even if richie panicked and threw water on the chemicals which kinda made it worse.

 **Bitter Beverly:** no real damage was done.

 

 **Salty Stanley:** Mr. Hanes lost his eyebrows, Miss Marsh!

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** he looked better without them Mr. Uris.

 

 **Salty Stanley:** You have a point.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** he should have thanked us

 

 **Salty Stanley:** After that, I cannot believe any teacher would let you be partners let alone be in the same class. You are insane when you are together.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** like a whirlwind of chaos and fun.

 

 **Salty Stanley:** One day, you will be the death of each other.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** listen I would kill for Richie, die by his hand, and/or murder him if I had too.

 

 **Salty Stanley:** I would too.

 ** **Salty** Stanley:** Do not tell him.

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** he just read that text over my shoulder and is jumping up and down!

 **Bitter Beverly:** oh…um…whoops!

 

 **Salty Stanley:** How could you betray my confidence like this?

 

 **Bitter Beverly:** i’m so sorry!! so will you be in class tomorrow?

 **Bitter Beverly:** no reply, a little fed up with me I see how it is.

 **Bitter Beverly:** okay that’s cool, bye Stan, feel better! love you!

 

****Ben and Stanley Chat****

**Ben:** I want a cat and to name it Figaro like in Pinocchio.

 

 **Stan:** You killed your last pet.

 

 **Ben:** It was a goldfish and I was 10! You didn’t even know me yet!

 

 **Stan:** Poor Cleo had no idea she would be murdered by Ben Hanscom.

 

 **Ben:** STOP THIS IS MAKING ME TEAR UP! RIP CLEO.

 **Ben:** So Stan…How’s your sick day going?

 

 **Stan:** I am fine, Ben. I am feeling better already. You can report that back to the group.

 

 **Ben:** Oh umm okay!

 **Ben:** I get the sense you are a bit fed up with people asking how you’re feeling!

 

 **Stan:** I am a bit, especially since I know you losers are always together so you all know why I am not at school.

 

 **Ben:** Okay Stan. It’s a stomach, flu, fever thing. Got ya! I hope you feel better soon. We all miss you.

 

 **Stan:** I appreciate the concern from everyone but let it go.

 

 **Ben:** Okay Elsa!

 

 **Stan:** I am upset that I got that reference.

 

 **Ben:** I’m not! I feel accomplished.

 

 **Stan:** I knew you would.

 

 **Ben:** You know Stan, I’m a good listener.

 

 **Stan:** That was random.

 

 **Ben:** I’m just letting you know. I can help with any complaints.

 

 **Stan:** What if my complaint is over Disney and how much I hate it?

 

 **Ben:** …I am here for you and will listen, no matter what.

 

 **Stan:** That is very nice of you. I am lucky to have you as a friend.

 

 **Ben:** We are the lucky ones Stan! I don’t think you get how much you keep this group stable. You’re the voice of reason and logic. Lunch was a mess today without you.

 

 **Stan:** Really?

 

 **Ben:** It was horrible! Richie kept making crude comments then him and Eddie started bickering. Bev and Bill just encouraged it instead of stopping them like you would.

 

 **Stan:** That sounds like a normal day to me.

 

 **Ben:** Stan…

 **Ben:** Let me give you a play by play of what happened.

 

 **Stan:** You have peaked my interest.

 

 **Ben:** Richie and Eddie’s bickering got so aggressive that Richie tried to pick Eddie up to make him mad. Which worked. Then he tried to free himself, kicked Bev’s soda onto Mike’s lap who got annoyed, threw his pizza which ended up on Bill’s face who FLIPPED the table.

 

 **Stan:** No way.

 

 **Ben:** Then my Architectural Drawing went flying off the table onto the ground, which tripped our quarterback who lost control of his tray hitting Greta Bowie in the face and pouring all his food over her.

 

 **Stan:** This is incredible.

 

 **Ben:** No! That was when all hell broke loose! Greta started screaming and throwing food which straight up started a food fight.

 

 **Stan:** I am glad I missed all the fun because the thought of being covered in food all day is disgusting. So that is what Bev meant when karma was served at lunch.

 

 **Ben:** It was not fun!! You have to come back ASAP. You are the reason this group doesn’t fall into a chaotic mess.

 

 **Stan:** I am sure I will be back tomorrow.

 

 **Ben:** Good! Till then feel better Stan

 

 **Stan:** Thank you, Ben.

 

 **Ben:** Also just wondering about the whole Disney thing you said...was that hypothetical? You don’t actually hate Disney...right?

 

 **Stan:** Who actually hates Disney movies? You know I enjoy them.

 

 **Ben:** Thank god! Okay talk to you later! :D

 

****Mike and Stanley Chat****

_Today 1:30 PM_

**Stanny:** Hello.

 

 **Mikey:** Hey you.

 

 **Stanny:** Heard you threw a pizza slice at Bill.

 

 **Mikey:** I was aiming for Richie.

 

 **Stanny:** Good.

 **Stanny:** It seems you were alright today without me.

 

 **Mikey:** We most definitely were not. I certainly wasn’t. You keep the sanity, Stanny.

 

 **Stanny:** Who knew.

 

 **Mikey:** I hope today wasn’t too boring.

 

 **Stanny:** It was actually nice and relaxing.

 

 **Mikey:** Did you cuddle with your cat?

 

 **Stanny:** Yes, I am currently cuddling with him.

 

 **Mikey:** Pix or it didn’t happen.

 

 **Stanny:**  I was going to send one to you earlier but I have been editing it to look aesthetically pleasing. *sends pix of orange cat on bed with flower pressing book and cup of tea*

 

 **Mikey:** THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL! AND THOSE ARE THE FLOWERS YOU PICKED FROM MY FARM!

 

 **Stanny:**  Melvin has not left my side all day.

 

 **Mikey:** That’s so sweet of him but also out of character.

 

 **Stanny:** I think he could tell I needed it.

 

 **Mikey:**  Are you ok?

 

 **Stanny:**  I am sick.

 

 **Mikey:** I know. But are you ok?

 

 **Stanny:**  Not really.

 

 **Mikey:**  How can I help friend?

 

 **Stanny:** Bringing my homework would be a great start.

 

 **Mikey:** I already planned on gathering all your homework and notes from Richie, Eddie, Bill, and Bev. I’ll swing by after school.

 

 **Stanny:** Thank you, Mikey.

 **Stanny:** You are the only one who has not doubted me on whether I am sick or not.

 

 **Mikey:** Ya tell me you’re sick, then you’re sick. Not much else to it.

 

 **Stanny:** No one believes I am sick.

 

 **Mikey:** Yeah well...our friends can be one track minded. If something is thrown off, everyone immediately jumps to crazy conclusions.

 

 **Stanny:** You do that too.

 

 **Mikey:** Don’t I know it! You are really the only one who doesn’t.

 

 **Stanny:** There are more important things to worry about.

 

 **Mikey:** Like your personal health.

 

 **Stanny:** What is that supposed to mean?

 

 **Mikey:** Taking a day away from everything is really good for your mental health.

 

 **Stanny:** My mental health is fine. It is not like I am crazy.

 

 **Mikey:** I didn’t say you were!

 

 **Stanny:** I did not feel well today, so I did not go to school. That is all.

 

 **Mikey:** I’m sorry if I said something wrong. I don’t think you’re crazy and would never ever think that.

 

 **Stanny:** …

 **Stanny:** You did not say anything wrong. You have been saying all the right things. I am just tired.

 

 **Mikey:** I understand. I’m always here if you need to talk.

 

 **Stanny:** I am not sure what I did to deserve a friend as caring as you.

 

 **Mikey:** You didn’t do anything except be amazing.

 

 **Stanny:** You are the only person who thinks so.

 

 **Mikey:** Stanley, that isn’t true! Everyone thinks you’re incredible, hilarious, and great.

 

 **Stanny:** My brain has a hard time believing that sometimes.

 

 **Mikey:** That’s alright, I’m here to say how much we care about you. How much I care.

 

 **Stanny:** Can I tell you the real reason I did not go to school?

 

 **Mikey:** Of course you can.

 

 **Stanny:** It is so fucking stupid.

 

 **Mikey:** Try me!

 **Mikey:** Take your time.

 

 **Stanny:** I felt really alone and sad. Even when I was around you all last night, I felt alone.

 **Stanny:** I knew everyone would ask me why I was extra down today, so I ruined my perfect attendance to stay at home. I knew I could deal with it over text but not in person. The thought of everyone asking me what was wrong and the extra attention that would come with it was terrifying.

 **Stanny:** It is such a silly fear.

 

 **Mikey:** Your fears are not silly.

 

 **Stanny:** It does not make sense why I would be afraid to be open and emotional with you all. You are my best friends. I just do not want to feel this way.

 

 **Mikey:** Stanley, your feelings are always valid and these current emotions will pass. That is why a day away from the world can be a really good thing.

 

 **Stanny:** Sometimes, I feel myself losing control. It makes me panic.

 

 **Mikey:** I’m heading to my car now.

 

 **Stanny:** What? You still have one more period.

 

 **Mikey:** It doesn’t matter. I’m coming over so we can sort through this together. Unless you don’t want me too.

 

 **Stanny:** I am not asking you to skip school.

 **Stanny:** However, I am grateful.

 

 **Mikey:** I’ll pick up some tea and Oreos on my way.

 

 **Stanny:** We have tea.

 

 **Mike:** Your family has a crap selection of tea.

 

 **Stanny:** I drank three sips earlier and was over it immediately. You and Eddie are the only ones who really enjoy drinking tea.

 

 **Mike:** Which is honestly A CRIME.

 

 **Stanny:** You are the goofiest human.

 **Stanny:** Thank you for being you.

 

 **Mike:** Just remember I love you, no matter what. No matter what you are going through.

 

 **Stanny:** I love you, too.

 

 **Mike:** Oh my god...IT HAPPENED! Screenshotting and sending that to Richie. He is going to be so mad.

 

 **Stanny:** Are you two betting on who can get me to say I love you, again?

 

 **Mike:** I mean, I also want to see and hear you say I love you but yeah we are. He won the last one when you said you loved him at Christmas. Now he has to buy me lunch tomorrow.

 

 **Stanny:** He had gotten me a really thoughtful gift after torturing me via text for a month.

 

 **Mike:** He manipulated the I love you.

 

 **Stanny:** That is right. It came naturally just now.

 

 **Mike:** Damn Stan, my heart. Alright, managed to sneak past the entrance and am in my truck. See you soon.

 

 **Stanny:** I cannot wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think!


	21. Happy One Month?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill and Beverly find out about Richie and Eddie dating!

****Hot Babes Chat - Bill, Beverly, Richie, Eddie****

_Today 10:00 PM_

**Billie:** you motherfuckers

 

 **Bevvie:** literally you are both bastards.

 

 **Richie:** What did we do?!!

 

 **Eddie:** I am so scared right now…

 

 **Bevvie** : YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!

 

 **Richie:** Bev is writing in all caps are we about to get murdered?

 

 **Eddie:** Wait…do you two know about…

 

 **Billie:** oh yes eddie we fucking know

 

 **Richie:** About what?!

 

 **Bevvie** : that you bitches are dating.

 

 **Eddie:** …

 

 **Richie:** …

 

 **Eddie:** …

 

 **Richie:** …

 

 **Eddie:** Shit.

 

 **Richie:** Fuck

 

 **Billie** : if you want to remain friends

 

 **Bevvie** : you will tell us everything.

 

 **Eddie** : The finishing each other’s sentences is freaking me out.

 

 **Richie** : Where is your proof we are dating?

 

 **Bevvie** : We saw you dickheads at the Aladdin going to a movie and HOLDING HANDS!

 

 **Eddie** : Richie always tries to hold my hands.

 **Eddie** : You have nothing, Beverly Marsh!

 

 **Richie** : Can you blame me? They fit perfectly in mine.

 

 **Billie** : does richie always kiss you in alleyways too

 

 **Eddie** : ...

 

 **Richie** : …

 

 **Eddie** : SHIT

 

 **Richie** : FUCK

 

 **Eddie:** You stalking us now, punks?

 

 **Richie:** You sick fucks.

 

 **Bevvie** : we were on a much needed Bev and Bill date!

 

 **Billie** : but apparently you goons were also on a date

 

 **Eddie** : Okay Okay, the truth is...I was choking so Richie saved my life by doing CPR.

 

 **Bevvie** : Eddie i love you but cut the shit because i can’t remember the last time i read such garbage.

 **Bevvie** : which says a lot considering i’m always texting Richie.

 

 **Richie** : Hurtful

 **Richie** : But fair

 

 **Billie** : well apparently weve been getting a lot of bullshit from them every day from whenever it started

 

 **Eddie** : Okay. Look I wanted to tell you two but Richie didn’t want to. I’m just saying.

 

 **Richie** : EDDIE

 **Richie** : WHAT

 **Richie** : THE

 **Richie** : FUCK

 

 **Bevvie** : more lies. that asshole would have screamed from rooftops that he was dating you if he could!

 

 **Richie** : Sorry about this Eds.

 **Richie** : YES I WOULD HAVE BEVERLY EXCEPT HE DIDN’T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW.

 **Richie** : BUT ALSO I AGREED BECAUSE IT WOULD GET TOO COMPLICATED WITH YOU ASSHOLES KNOWING ABOUT US DATING.

 **Richie** : There, I said it. Fuck that felt good.

 

 **Eddie** : You traitorous monster.

 

 **Bevvie** : complicated? how would it be complicated? other than the teasing but that’s just what we do.

 

 **Eddie** : It’s not the teasing. It’s something else.

 

 **Bevvie** : we’re your best friends, when were you going to tell us?

 

 **Eddie** : Well today is Tuesday, so I was thinking...never.

 

 **Bevvie** : Eddie!!

 

 **Eddie** : I don’t know!

 **Eddie** : Once we figured out if this was going to work?!

 

 **Billie** : you are such fucking idiots

 

 **Bevvie** : boom tell em hun.

 

 **Eddie** : Think about it. We are changing the ENTIRE group dynamic by dating. What if it didn’t work out? What if we aren’t a good match?!!! Everyone gets excited then we fuck it up.

 

 **Richie** : The two of us fuck up most things, so it is a legit concern.

 

 **Bevvie** : those concerns are natural, hell i’ve felt that way with Bill before.

 

 **Billie** : ive never felt that way

 

 **Bevvie** : you have never thought about what would happen if we broke up? how it might screw up the group?

 

 **Billie** : you think about us breaking up

 

 **Bevvie** : no! you are missing the point hun.

 

 **Richie** : Yikes, trouble in paradise.

 

 **Bevvie** : shut the fuck up Richy!

 

 **Richie** : ugh...hate

 

 **Eddie** : You and Bill have been dating basically since we all became best friends. It’s not the same.

 

 **Billie** : i dont understand the difference.

 

 **Richie** : You’re straight. You wouldn’t.

 

 **Bevvie** : i don’t get why we gotta pull sexuality into it.

 

 **Eddie** : Richie and I had to come to terms with our sexuality before we even could get to the point of considering dating, let alone dating each other. Those problems don’t apply to straight couples.

 **Eddie** : That’s a much larger issue and longer conversation for another time.

 

 **Billie** : interesting

 **Billie** : well the ruining the friendship dynamic i dont get though

 

 **Bevvie** : like we would really allow you two idiots to be the ones to ruin the losers club.

 **Bevvie** : here’s a question: do you two fools like one another?

 

 **Richie** : Like is an understatement but fucking of course.

 

 **Eddie** : I wouldn’t allow Rich to kiss me if I didn’t.

 

 **Richie** : Awwwww, I’m going to cry Eddie.

 

 **Bevvie** : okay, and are you two willing to risk the friendship to see where this relationship could possibly go?

 

 **Eddie** : I...I am...the idea of risking the friendship is scary but...I’m more interested in the idea of being with Richie.

 

 **Bevvie** : aww, i can’t believe i witnessed that from you.

 

 **Billie** : neither can i

 

 **Richie** : Eddie basically just proposed to me with that confession.

 

 **Eddie** : Shut up, Richie.

 

 **Bevvie** : my point is, you both want this and yes there are pros and cons but if you constantly think of the bad then you won’t be able to move past it. take it slow but it seems to me, you two are meant to be together.

 

 **Billie** : i completely agree you two have been soulmates since we were kids

 

 **Richie** : Big Bill! What a compliment!

 

 **Eddie** : I’m speechless. Thanks, Bill.

 

 **Billie** : so how long has this secret love life been going on

 

 **Richie** : 31 Days, 22 hours, and 15 min

 

 **Eddie** : You’ve been keeping track down to the minute?

 

 **Richie** : I remember exactly when we kissed on New Years, so quick math and such. Happy One Month Anniversary babe.

 

 **Eddie** : ACK! Happy one month?!?! I’m screaming.

 

 **Billie** : new years

 **Billie** : you have truly been keeping this a secret since New Years

 **Billie** : BEV AND I ARE THE REASON YOU EVEN GOT TOGETHER THEN?!

 

 **Eddie** : shit

 

 **Richie** : fuck

 

 **Bevvie** : A MONTH, ITS BEEN A MONTH

 **Bevvie** : you made Bill use an exclamation mark and all caps...

 

 **Billie** : i am so fucking angry

 

 **Bevvie** : yeah, we are the ones that made you two even think about dating and a whole month has gone by and you STILL didn’t have the balls to tell us!

 

 **Richie** : Um...sorry?

 

_Beverly Marsh renamed the group Much Ado About Dating_

 

 **Richie** : Is this a reference to Much Ado About Nothing? Because that’s BRILLIANT!

 

 **Eds:** How are we a Shakespeare play?

 

_Beverly Marsh set their nickname to Hero Bev_

_Beverly Marsh set the nickname for Richie Tozier to Benedick Rich_

_Beverly Marsh set the nickname for Eddie Kaspbrak to Beatrice Eds_

_Beverly Marsh set the nickname for Bill Denbrough to Claudio Bill_

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** I can’t believe you put Eds after it instead of Eddie. I feel so much betrayal.

 

 **Hero Bev:** sorry son, my bad.

 

 **Benedick Rich:** I WANT TO BE BEATRICE! SHE’S A BOSS ASS BITCH!

 

 **Hero Bev:** richie = richard = dick = bene-dick

 

 **Benedick Rich:** Unfair

 

 **Claudio Bill:** i cant remember this play

 

 **Hero Bev:** Beatrice and Benedick hate each other the whole play but are actually in love. Claudio and Hero get them together at the end of the play.

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** That’s a huge oversimplification of a hilarious play by the Bard.

 

 **Claudio Bill:** wow what a fantastic comparison

 

 **Hero Bev:** i know right?!

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** This is another reason I didn’t want you two to know! I knew you would make it about how YOU made it happen.

 **Beatrice Eds:** Richie and I had a little something to do with it too.

 

 **Benedick Rich:** Well, you were the one that kissed me. So it was more your doing Eds. ❤️

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** What?

 **Beatrice Eds:** Richie...you kissed me.

 

 **Claudio Bill:** you dont know who kissed who first

 

 **Hero Bev:** how is that possible?

 

 **Benedick Rich:** Eddie spaghetti, you are spreading more lies. YOU leaned in first!

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** I kept saying everything would change if we kissed. I was discouraging it if anything!

 

 **Benedick Rich:** That didn’t fucking stop you from bringing your face forward to initiate the kiss!

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** No, no I brought my face forward because you were already up in my personal space trying to lock lips!

 

 **Benedick Rich:** I can’t believe you are ruining our first kiss like this. YOU KISSED ME!

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** Oh you are not blaming this one on me trashmouth, you fucking kissed me! You kept pushing and saying we should!

 

 **Benedick Rich:** Eds! You grabbed the back of my head and pushed our lips together as hard as you could!

 

 **Hero Bev:** holy shit that’s hot.

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** You’re getting confused Tozier, you pulled me into your lap, practically trapping me!

 

 **Claudio Bill:** damn

 

 **Benedick Rich:** TRAPPING YOU?! You act like you weren’t making gasping noises when I did bring you into my lap.

 **Benedick Rich:** CAUSE YOU DID! You aren’t innocent in this. You loved it.

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** I never said I didn’t like it, and you were super excited as well Rich. The point is, that you leaned in first.

 

 **Benedick Rich:** And you closed the distance!!

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** Look, you were the one who rested your forehead against mine and parted your damn lips, before continuing to lean in.

 

 **Hero Bev:** when did you two get the ability to be sexy?

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** What was I supposed to do, Richie? What do you want from me?!

 

 **Benedick Rich:** ADMIT YOU KISSED ME FIRST.

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** I can’t. BECAUSE THAT’S A LIE. YOU ADMIT IT!

 

 **Benedick Rich:** NEVER

 

 **Hero Bev:** ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT

 **Hero Bev:** as hilarious as it is that neither of you know who kissed who first. you need to stop because Bill is laughing so hard he can’t breathe.

 

 **Claudio Bill:** tears are literally streaming down my face

 **Claudio Bill:** i have never laughed so hard

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** I’m happy we can provide entertainment for you Big Bill.

 

 **Benedick Rich:** Damn you all.

 

 **Hero Bev:** So now that Bill and I know. Can we tell Stanley, Mike, and Ben?

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** NO

 

 **Benedick Rich:** Nope

 

 **Claudio Bill:** why

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** We don’t want more people to know than needed.

 

 **Benedick Rich:** It’s also different because you two knew Eddie and I were in love with each other. You were bound to figure it out. The boys have no idea.

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** Not a clue, they are pretty oblivious to it all!

 

 **Benedick Rich:** Mike didn’t even think we were on an ice cream date when he caught us. When we obviously were.

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** Yeah, we were painfully awkward and he still didn’t question anything.

 

 **Hero Bev:** I don’t feel comfortable lying to the boys.

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** What if I told you that you get a chance to be a part of our dramaaaa.

 

 **Hero Bev:** Hmmmmm

 

 **Benedick Rich:** Bevvie, we can double date.

 

 **Hero Bev:** OH

 **Hero Bev:** MY

 **Hero Bev:** GOD

 **Hero Bev:** YESSSSSS

 

 **Claudio Bill:** jesus christ

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** So...is our secret safe?

 

 **Hero Bev:** can we go on a double date tomorrow?!! like ice skating or something?!

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** Haha. Yes, Beverly, we can.

 

 **Hero Bev:** then absolutely, my lips are sealed!

 

 **Benedick Rich:** Billy boy?

 

 **Claudio Bill:** sure whatever

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** Thank fuck

 

 **Benedick Rich:** Bev, I am so excited to tell you all about Eddie and my sexy escapades.

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** Excuse me...What?

 

 **Hero Bev:** finally!!! now it won’t be only me talking about Bill and I.

 

 **Claudio Bill:** wait what

 **Claudio Bill:** you two actually do that

 

 **Benedick Rich:** Of course.

 

 **Hero Bev:** i wasn’t kidding when i said i talk to Richie daily, i tell him everything!

 

 **Claudio Bill:** i don’t think i like the sound of that

 

 **Benedick Rich:** I know about the night of 3 times, Big Bill. ;P

 

 **Claudio Bill:** fucking kill me now

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** Richie, I swear to God…don’t you tell Beverly anything about what we do behind closed doors!

 

 **Hero Bev:** don’t worry Eddie, i’m good at keeping secrets also ;)

 

 **Beatrice Eds:** Can you hear my screaming from across town?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, we made y'all laugh! Give us some feedback or suggestions. Love ya!


	22. Royally Fucked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beverly admits to an unexpected crush.

****Richie and Beverly Chat****

**Bev Darling:** we’ve got a problem.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Shit. What did I do?

 

 **Bev Darling:** not everything is about you husband.

 

 **Richie Dear:** You’re right. Everything is about Eddie.

 

 **Bev Darling:**  beep fucking beep Richie, i’m freaking out too much to deal with your Eddie obsession right now!

 

 **Richie Dear:** Damn Bev what the fuck is wrong?

 

 **Bev Darling:** you can’t tell anyone Rich, i mean it!

 

 **Richie Dear:**  yeah yeah

 

 **Bev Darling:**  promise me!

 

 **Richie Dear:** Seriously?

 

 **Bev Darling:** RICHIE

 

 **Richie Dear:**  Jesus fuck Bev okay, like a 5 year old I pinkie swear I won’t tell anyone about this

 

 **Bev Darling:** thank you

 

 **Richie Dear:** Soooo…..

 

 **Bev Darling:** i think i like Ben, like actually LIKE Ben.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Fuck

 **Richie Dear:**  Bev! Shit!

 **Richie Dear:** How the fuck did that happen?!

 

 **Bev Darling:** oh you know, the flying baby shot his magical arrow at me and the rest is history. i don’t know it just…happened.

 

 **Richie Dear:**  Are you sure it’s not just a crush? Because you get crushes all the time.

 **Richie Dear:** For example the one you had on me for bit babydoll. ;)

 

 **Bev Darling:**  how the fuck should i know

 **Bev Darling:** i’m pretty sure you were the one with the crush.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Oh absolutely. I thought for sure we were going to be a thing as soon as you and Bill broke up. *kissing emoji*

 

 **Bev Darling:** i almost believe you but we both know you were too hung up on Eddie.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Eds is number 1.

 **Richie Dear:** You were going to just be a fling. *winky emoji*

 

 **Bev Darling:** well Richie dear there is always time for that to still happen! *upside down face emoji*

 

 **Richie Dear:** We were each other’s first dates so really Bill stole you from me.

 

 **Bev Darling:** haha. except you kept telling me not to call it a date even though you paid.

 

 **Richie Dear:**  I was an awkward 13-year-old kid.

 

 **Bev Darling:** still are awkward! and if you think about it…since Ben was there he was also my first date and now i am freaking out more at that romantic thought!!

 

 **Richie Dear:** Going on a date with two guys sounds pretty romantic to me too but like two Eddies.

 

 **Bev Darling:** THAT’S GAY.

 **Bev Darling:**  i want help on my fucking problem!

 

 **Richie Dear:** Right. Focusing. So you don’t know if this is just a fleeting crush or if you are in like like for Ben?

 

 **Bev Darling:** i’m confused!

 **Bev Darling:** i love Bill, i know i do. but lately around Ben i get these butterflies and he makes me laugh and i don’t know!

 **Bev Darling:**  i am the world’s worst person

 

 **Richie Dear:** BEV! No you’re not. You can’t help how you feel.

 **Richie Dear:** You always tell Bill if you have a crush on someone just as he does for you then you laugh about it. Have you told him?

 

 **Bev Darling:** no, i haven’t

 **Bev Darling:**  it’s not like it’s someone around school or town! this is Ben, the Ben in our friend circle!

 **Bev Darling:** this is complicated as fuck

 

 **Richie Dear:**  I need some examples of how he makes you feel before I can access the damage.

 

 **Bev Darling:**  fine…let me think.

 **Bev Darling:** OH! i was on a date with Bill and he said something but i was thinking about a joke Ben had said so i laughed to myself then interrupted whatever Bill was saying to tell him.

 **Bev Darling:** he looked so mad.

 

 **Richie Dear:** I mean I do that to all of you everyday. Interrupt the conversation to talk about something more interesting.

 

 **Bev Darling:**  alright, but you have undiagnosed adhd.

 

 **Richie Dear:**  Fair. I’m still not convinced that is thinking about Ben as a ‘crush’. He’s your friend. We all think we are funny and love each other an unhealthy amount.

 

 **Bev Darling:** BUT ALSO

 **Bev Darling:** after we went Ice Skating, i went to Bill’s…things were getting hot and heavy like we were about to have sex…then i just thought about how i wished i was kissing Ben and made Bill stop. 

 

 **Richie Dear:** That explains why Bill is quiet in our group chat today. Probably seething from getting no action.

 

 **Bev Darling:** NOT HELPING ASS

 

 **Richie Dear:** Sorry bro. Give him blue balls all you want. It’s your body.

 

 **Bev Darling:** ugh Rich…i saw the way you and Eddie looked at each other yesterday.

 

 **Richie Dear:** We are in the honeymoon phase. You can’t base jack shit off us. And as Stanley says I am always unbearable around Eds.

 

 **Bev Darling:** no listen to me. You look at one another with so much love like you were meant to be. you have ALWAYS looked at each other like that.

 **Bev Darling:** Ben looks at me like that.

 

 **Richie Dear:** I’VE TOLD YOU THAT BEFORE!

 

 **Bev Darling:** SHUT UP I KNOW. i…

 **Bev Darling:** i think i see myself with Ben more than Bill. it makes me physically nauseous.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Shit. You got it bad.

 

 **Bev Darling:** i am royally fucked

 

 **Richie Dear:** Can you…unlike him like that? Because this is not going to end well if you can’t.

 

 **Bev Darling:**  that is your solution…to unlike him?

 **Bev Darling:**  unfortunately i don’t think i can.

 

 **Richie Dear:**  Royally fucked indeed.

 

 **Bev Darling:**  Eddie was worried about you two changing the group dynamic by dating but i’m going to shatter the group with a breakup. there will be fights and words said that people can’t take back. we will all be divided!

 **Bev Darling:**  please, can you and Eddie come with me after the divorce is final?!

 

 **Richie Dear:** Oh fuck. This is bad. I mean Eddie and I will come with you of course.

 **Richie Dear:**  I have never totally forgiven Bill for punching me in the face when we were 13, so fuck him I guess.

 

 **Bev Darling:**  you haven’t?

 

 **Richie Dear:** That was a joke, Bev…have you forgotten that I am funny?!

 

 **Bev Darling:** i don’t know who i am anymore. this is so fucking bad oh my god oh my god OH MY GOD.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Bev! Stop spiralling!

 

 **Bev Darling:**  i can’t help it Rich, how am i supposed to act! this is a horrible situation!

 **Bev Darling:**  thank you for coming with me! Mike will go with Ben for sure so i’m happy i at least have you two.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Stanley is gonna be pissed to be left with only Bill.

 

 **Bev Darling:** maybe Mike will convince him to be on Ben’s side, they have a special bond.

 

 **Richie Dear:**  So what…Bill is left alone?

 

 **Bev Darling:**  i was just kidding with this scenario but now it’s getting too real!!

 **Bev Darling:**  Richie tell me how to fix this!!! do you think i should tell Bill or just die with this secret?!

 

 **Richie Dear:** I’m gonna go with taking this secret to the grave. Marry Bill, have babies, I’ll be the godfather to all five, and live happily ever after.

 

 **Bev Darling:** why am i having that many children?

 

 **Richie Dear:** You need at least five to name them after Stan, Mike, Eds, Ben, and I.

 

 **Bev Darling:** what if i have a daughter?

 

 **Richie Dear:** Eddie is a gender neutral name.

 

 **Bev Darling:** i’m telling him you said that.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Fine. Edwina then. Fuck gender anyway.

 

 **Bev Darling:** okay, okay that sounds like a good plan. Maybe you’re right, maybe this is just a silly crush and by next week I can laugh about it all!

 **Bev Darling:** thanks Rich

 

 **Richie Dear:**  I’m kidding.

 **Richie Dear:**  You shouldn’t stay with someone you aren’t 100% sure you want to be with.

 

 **Bev Darling:** nooo go back to the previous idea!

 

 **Richie Dear:** I always tell Eddie how I think you and Ben would have been the better match.

 

 **Bev Darling:** oh fuck off, you’re making it worse with your kind words!

 

 **Richie Dear:** Think about it Beverly. You and Ben love all the same things, you are both HUGE romantics, and you need someone who will take care of you. I love Bill, but you need a nourisher which is not Bill.

 

**Bev Darling:** I don’t NEED anyone, Richie. I’m a boss ass bitch.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Oh you are literally the bossiest ass bitch around. But you forget that I am your literal other half and know for a fact we both think we don’t need anyone. You don’t need to be with someone romantically, but you enjoy it.

 

 **Bev Darling:** when did you become the relationship guru? that’s my job.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Eddie gave me a relationship book as a joke and I read it to annoy him with all the ways we are bad at being boyfriends.

 

 **Bev Darling:**  he must HATE that. haha

 

 **Richie Dear:** But when I read the book, I remember thinking you and Ben would be so good at a relationship.

 

 **Bev Darling:** this is all fine and dandy but it’s way too complicated. what’s going to happen to the group. what is Bill going to think and say and do! shit, what is Ben going to do? he may die with all this confrontation

 **Bev Darling:**  i’m going to ruin friendships and kill Ben.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Don’t worry about the group. We aren’t important right now.

 **Richie Dear:** At this point, I think you should give it a little time.

 

 **Bev Darling:**  i am so confused and hate myself.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Babe, don’t do this to yourself. If you still feel this way about Ben in like a month, then talk to Bill.

 

 **Bev Darling:** okay, you’re right. Bill deserves to know if my feelings do continue this way.

 **Bev Darling:** thanks Rich

 **Bev Darling:** just start convincing Eddie to stick with me when things go south

 

 **Richie Dear:** Eds will go wherever I go! ...well, I will go wherever Eds go and I am sure he will pick you wifey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, it hurt Sam and Shannon to write this. Please still love us.


	23. Boyfriends

**Eds ❤️:** Hey, how are you feeling?

 

 **Rich ❤️:** Better, now that I’ve slept.

 

 **Eds ❤️:** Your head is ok?

 

 **Rich ❤️:** Yeah, thanks for catching me when I passed out.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Well, you didn’t give me much of a choice since you passed out face first into your locker then when I tried to grab you...you collapsed on top of me.

 

 **Rich** ❤️: You were a very comfy fainting bed.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Hmph

 

 **Rich** ❤️: What’s wrong

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Nothing

 

 **Rich** ❤️: Come on, Eds. Tell me.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: We can talk about it when I come over after school.

 

 **Rich** ❤️: I can’t wait that long knowing you are mad.

 **Rich** ❤️: Please just tell me what I did.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Why did you faint today, Rich?

 **Eds** ❤️: Because you seemed super out of it. Really tired but it kinda seemed like you were drunk.

 

 **Rich** ❤️: I WASN’T DRUNK!

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Hmph

 

 **Rich** ❤️: Eds, I wasn’t fucking drunk. Stop.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Were you high?

 

 **Rich** ❤️: No!

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Then why did you pass out?

 

 **Rich** ❤️: ...It’s super stupid

 

 **Eds** ❤️: That goes without saying Rich...Nothing surprises me anymore, so what the fuck happened?

 

 **Rich** ❤️: I may have...possibly...kinda took NyQuil today instead of DayQuil.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: WHAT?!?! WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS! UGH! So stupid. Ok. If you want, I can bring you some soup after school.

 **Eds** ❤️: Wait...you don’t have a cold?!

 

 **Rich** ❤️: I did have a cold!

 

 **Eds** ❤️: In like November?! It’s February!

 

 **Rich** ❤️: And I haven’t gotten another cold since taking DayQuil and NyQuil every day.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: RICHIE!!!!

 

 **Rich** ❤️: What?!!

 

 **Eds** ❤️: You should never take any drug every fucking day unless prescribed by a professional!

 

 **Rich** ❤️: You took gazebo pills every day for like 7 years. *winky face*

 

 **Eds** ❤️: 1. Shut up and 2. Yes, because my mother bribed doctors to lie to me. Besides, they were sugar pills and you know what this isn’t about me. Why did you take NyQuil during the day?!

 

 **Rich** ❤️: I was out of Dayquil.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: So you took NyQuil.

 

 **Rich** ❤️: I assumed it would do the same DayQuil does...I was wrong.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby?

 

 **Rich** ❤️: Probably.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: I’m dating a dumb fuck. God damn it, Richie. You can’t take NyQuil during the day because it literally has alcohol in it and Doxylamine succinate which is an antihistamine that will put you to sleep.

 

 **Rich** ❤️: Shit...really?

 

 **Eds** ❤️: You are done with DayQuil, NyQuil or any other QUILS!

 

 **Rich** ❤️: It’s not a big deal. Eds. Chill. I’ll just grab some DayQuil later and get back on track.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Grab some more later?! Did you not see the above! You are not to pick up more. Get off that fucking track!

 

 **Rich** ❤️: Eddie….it’s okay

 

 **Eds** ❤️: No, Richie, you have a problem. This is not okay, maybe you should go to the hospital!

 

 **Rich** ❤️: No I don’t need to do that. It’s fucking harmless.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Harmless?!?? Do you know the long-term side effects of NyQuil and DayQuil?!?!?? Do you, you dumb fool? Do you know what damage it can do to your liver?!

 

 **Rich** ❤️: Eddie...seriously...

 

 **Eds** ❤️: I’m ranting shush and listen

 **Eds** ❤️:  I think you should get your stomach pumped, get that poison out of your system!

 **Eds** ❤️: Who the fuck knows what it’s done to you so far!?

 **Eds** ❤️: The doctors will and until I hear it out of someone’s mouth who has a PhD in medicine, I will not take the word of my stupid boyfriend that everything is fine!

 

 **Rich** ❤️: You called me your boyfriend...wow.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: HUSH! STILL RANTING!

 **Eds** ❤️: I MEAN YOU PASSED OUT ON ME AT SCHOOL!

 **Eds** ❤️: That cannot happen again. Oh GOD! What if someone found out the reason why you collapsed?!! RICHIE!!! Do you realize how serious this could be??? You are abusing a substance!!!

 

 **Rich** ❤️: Eds calm down! It isn’t that serious okay, no BIG deal. Why would they sell it over the counter if it was dangerous?

 

 **Eds** ❤️: They don’t monitor over the counter drugs, but too much of anything is a bad thing.

 

 **Rich** ❤️: That’s not true.

 **Rich** ❤️: Too much of you is only a good thing.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: You aren’t getting out of this through flirting!!

 

 **Rich** ❤️: God, you’re such a nag.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Fuck you, Richie. I am trying to help.

 

 **Rich** ❤️: I don’t need any help. I am fine.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: No you’re not!! You’ve been taking DayQuil for months now and you don’t need it!! What the fuck is your problem? Can you not live without it?

 

 **Rich** ❤️: I can!

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Because this is addictive behavior Rich, and it’s really worrying!

 

 **Rich** ❤️: What the hell. I’m not an addict.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Addiction is hereditary babe.

 

 **Rich** ❤️: Are you implying that I am an addict because of cold medicine or because of my family? Because ouch.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: No, not at all! But you have to stop taking cold medicine every day. You are going to fuck up your body. Please, you don’t need it anymore.

 

 **Rich** ❤️: …

 **Rich** ❤️: Ok, you’re right. I’m sorry.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: It’s okay, I hope you know I am coming over and throwing out the rest of your NyQuil.

 

 **Rich** ❤️: Sounds good.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: You okay?

 

 **Rich** ❤️: Yeah. Are we ok?

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Of course we are! This isn’t a deal breaker for us. Haha

 

 **Rich** ❤️: That’s good. Thanks Eds, for caring about me.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Always but stop calling me Eds!

 

 **Rich** ❤️: What about boyfriend?!?! ❤️

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Oh god! Just stop! Eddie is fine!

 

 **Rich** ❤️: It’s only fair, you called me it first. I’m your boyfriend!

 

 **Eds** ❤️: I do recall a ‘stupid’ being before it.

 

 **Rich** ❤️: Doesn't matter, you still referred to me as your boyfriend! It’s funny, I don’t remember being asked. I thought we were just going to remain lovers.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: I just….this….oh just shut up!

 

 **Rich** ❤️: Don’t be embarrassed, my heart skipped a beat reading it. My boyfriend is so sensitive.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: You’re exhausting.

 

 **Rich**  ❤️: You’re cute!

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Shut up!

 **Eds** ❤️: In all seriousness Rich, I’m glad you’re okay. You’re like the most important being I care about! I want you safe!

 

 **Rich** ❤️: *crying emoji* I can’t believe my lover basically proposed to me.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: Oh my god. I’m trying to be serious here and you have combined two bits I hate into one. Kill me.

 

 **Rich** ❤️: See you after school fiancé.

 

 **Eds** ❤️: GO BACK TO CALLING US BOYFRIENDS!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Came from a tumblr request wanting Eddie to help Richie get off an addiction...and we choose NyQuil because this legitimately happened to Shannon. Haha


	24. 100 Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are consequences to being Richie's boyfriend.   
> Also, Stanley walks in on an unfortunate scene.

****The Losers Club Chat****

_ February 14, 2018 _

**Trashmouth:** HAPPY STANLEY DAY!!!!!

 

**Stan the Man:** Richie, just because it is my birthday, that does not mean the day is named after me.

 

**Bev:** so what’s the plan for Stanley Day?

 

**Stan the Man:** I am exhausted by you all already.

 

**Big Bill:** we decided on a movie and bowling

 

**Stan the Man:** I am bringing my own bowling shoes though and a pair for Eddie.

 

**Eds:** Always my lifesaver Stan.

 

**Stan the Man:** It is no problem my hypochondriac friend.

 

**Eds:** I can’t believe our Stanley is already 19. What an old man!

 

**Stan the Man:** Shut up, you 17-year-old shrimp.

 

**Eds:** *crying emoji* But I love you Stanny.

 

**Trashmouth:** Lay off my man, Stanley!

 

**Eds:** Quiet you.

 

**Mikey Mike:** You should know better Edward. Stanley doesn’t like that he’s older than all of us. Haha

 

**Stan the Man:** I am not afraid to put you on my list, Mikey.

 

**Mikey Mike:** Is it a list of people you love? ❤️

 

**Big Bill:** i bet i am the top of that list

 

**Stan the Man:** I have no such list.

 

**Mikey Mike:** Don’t worry, Stanny. I like older men. *winky emoji*

 

**Bev:** when did mike get smooth?

 

**Trashmouth:** Smooth lessons have been going well. Go forth my pupil.

 

**Eds:** Oh please, Trashmouth I have never read more bullshit in my life than the above. Mike has never needed help being smooth.

 

**Mikey Mike:** You flatter me too much, Eddie!

 

**Big Bill:** and he is humble

 

**Bev:** stop being perfect mike!

 

**Benny Boy:** WHAT’S THE PLAN FOR STANLEY DAY?!

 

**Bev:** there’s Ben!

 

**Stan the Man:** You can all call it Valentine’s Day. I will not be offended.

 

**Eds:** Fuck Valentine’s day. Bleh

 

**Big Bill:** For real. It is a stupid holiday.

 

**Trashmouth:** So I should return the 100 roses I sent you, Eds?

 

**Eds:** Very funny, Trashmouth.

 

**Benny Boy:** I kind of like the excuse to show love to people.

 

**Bev:** you always show love, Ben. every day is Valentine’s Day with you.

 

****Bev and Bill Chat****

**Bill’s my Man:** bev what the hell was that

 

**Bev’s a Babe:** what?!

 

**Bill’s my Man:** “you always show love, Ben. every day is Valentine’s Day with you.”

**Bill’s my Man:** are you kidding me

 

**Bev’s a Babe:** Bill, just chill. haha. that rhymed.

 

**Bill’s my Man:** beverly can you be serious for once

**Bill’s my Man** : i didnt like you saying that it made me really uncomfortable

 

**Bev’s a Babe** : wow. first of all, apologize for saying I’m never serious

 

**Bill’s my Man** : you arent and i dont appreciate my girlfriend blatantly flirting with someone else

 

**Bev’s a Babe** : someone else or Ben?

**Bev’s a Babe** : because i flirt with all the guys and it hasn’t been a fucking issue before.

 

**Bill’s my Man** : fine whatever let’s just focus on stans bday

 

**Bev’s a Babe:** no, you want to get into this? let’s get into this. maybe i WANTED to celebrate valentine’s day but we literally never have because we focus on Stan’s birthday instead.

 

**Bill’s my Man** : hes my best friend

**Bill’s my Man** : hes YOUR best friend

 

**Bev’s a Babe** : we could have planned something for later. but we didn’t.

 

**Bill’s my Man** : and thats my fault

 

**Bev’s a Babe** : if you didn’t hate the holiday so much i wouldn’t even have to ask to do something.

 

**Bill’s my Man** : its a stupid holiday i show you love enough and dont need a day to tell me to do it more

 

**Bev’s a Babe** : well i’m glad you love me enough and there isn’t more left to love

 

**Bill’s my Man** : what

**Bill’s my Man** : that isnt what i said at all

 

**Bev’s a Babe** : i’m done fighting about this over text. it’s only making me more upset.

 

****The Losers Club Chat****

**Eds:** THIS MUST BE A JOKE  

**Eds:** WAIT YOU REALLY GOT ME FLOWERS?!

 

**Trashmouth:** 100 long stemmed pink roses, yes.

 

**Stan the Man:** This is a new level of unbearably ridiculous.

 

**Eds:** HOW COULD YOU HAVE POSSIBLY GOTTEN THE MONEY TO BUY 100 ROSES?!?!

 

**Trashmouth:** I used Mike’s discount at the flower shop. 25 cents a flower.

 

**Mikey Mike:** Richie, that is for my family who supply flowers to the shop!

 

**Trashmouth:** Excuse me, I am family Mikey.

 

**Mikey Mike:** What am I going to do with you, Richard?

 

**Trashmouth:** Dirty

 

**Eds:** Mom is going to kill me when she sees them.

 

**Big Bill:** just throw them out

 

**Benny Boy:** No! That’s a waste!

 

**Big Bill:** who gives a fuck ben

 

**Benny Boy:** Um…sorry! I just don’t want the pretty flowers to go to waste?

 

**Trashmouth:** Bill, just chill. Haha. That rhymed.

 

**Bev:** when your husband understands your humor like no other.

 

**Trashmouth:** What wife?

 

**Bev:** No worries dear.

 

**Stan the Man:** Will we be getting back to the subject of my birthday anytime soon?

 

**Eds:** Yes! But before we do anything for Stanley Day, you all have to come and take some flowers.

 

**Trashmouth:** WAIT! The flowers are coming to my place first so go there and get them.

 

**Benny Boy:** I can’t believe you two aren’t dating. Richie’s so romantic with you!

 

**Eds:** I’d rather throw myself off a cliff.

 

**Trashmouth:** Eddie WISHES he could get some of this.

 

**Eds:** I’d rather throw you off a cliff.

 

**Stan the Man:** I will be your alibi.

 

**Eds:** Perfect.

 

**Bev:** so Richie’s place after school?

 

**Eds:** Please

 

**Stan the Man:** You are all a mess.

 

**Trashmouth:** But we are YOUR mess, Stanny!

 

**Stan the Man:** How unfortunate for me.

 

****A Dumb Chat - Eddie, Richie, Stanley****

**Rich’s Dumber:** STANLEY YOU FUCKING COME BACK HERE BITCH

 

**Ed’s Dumb:** STANLEY! OH MY GOD! I AM SO SORRY!

 

**Stan’s Dumbest:** NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

 

**Ed’s Dumb:** Stanley PLEASE come back to Richie’s so we can talk.

 

**Stan’s Dumbest:** WHAT THE FUCK.

 

**Rich’s Dumber:** It wasn’t that bad you loser.

 

**Stan’s Dumbest:** MY EYES ARE BURNING.

 

**Rich’s Dumber:** Fucking drama queen.

 

**Ed’s Dumb:** Stanley, listen to me. You can’t tell anyone about us. Please!!

 

**Stan’s Dumbest:** How do I wash my eyes out?

 

**Ed’s Dumb:** Eye drops would be the best solution.

**Ed’s Dumb:** BUT NOT THE POINT COME BACK SO WE CAN TALK!

 

**Stan’s Dumbest:** We really do not need to talk. I get the picture.

**Stan’s Dumbest:** In fact, it has been stamped into my retinas for life.

 

**Rich’s Dumber:** Seriously, so what if you caught us kissing?! No biggy.

 

**Stan’s Dumbest:** No, I caught you both attacking one another with your mouths.

**Stan’s Dumbest:** I swear it is something you only see on National Geographic.

 

**Ed’s Dumb:** Okay this is getting a bit uncomfortable.

 

**Stan’s Dumbest:** No Eddie, we have surpassed the ‘bit uncomfortable’ stage and moved into ‘what the actual fuck’ territory.

 

**Ed’s Dumb:** I am sorry Stan. *sad emoji*

 

**Rich’s Dumber:** You don’t need to apologize Eds, there is nothing to feel sorry about!

 

**Ed’s Dumb:** Stanley just walked in on us and…

 

**Rich’s Dumber:** and maybe Stanley should learn how to knock

 

**Stan’s Dumbest:** I did not expect to see you and Eddie trying to touch each other’s tonsils with your tongues.

 

**Rich’s Dumber:** Well that was your first mistake.

 

**Ed’s Dumb:** Jesus fuck. Stop it!

**Ed’s Dumb:** Stanley please don’t say anything to anyone. Would you come back so we can explain and talk this out…please?!

 

**Stan’s Dumbest:** Eddie I won’t say anything, I promise. I just think I need to stay away until I can look at you two and not wonder, “What the hell was he thinking?!”

 

**Rich’s Dumber:** Eddie is the cutest sexiest bean, how could I not think it!

 

**Ed’s Dumb:** -.-

 

**Stan’s Dumbest:** I meant Eddie thinking about you in a ‘more than friends’ way.

 

**Ed’s Dumb:** No Stan, then we will never see you again!

 

**Rich’s Dumber:** Hey!

 

**Stan’s Dumbest:** I have one more question.

 

**Ed’s Dumb:** What’s that?

 

**Stan’s Dumbest:** How do you handle hooking up with Richie?

 

**Ed’s Dumb:** Sometimes, stupid and cute are enough.

 

**Rich’s Dumber:** HEY! x2

 

****Richie and Stanley chat****

**Stanley’s Manly:** Please inform Eddie that what happened today, even though it has traumatized me for life, I will not talk about it with anyone.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** Thank you! He will appreciate it.

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** So.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** So?

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** You and Eddie are hooking up.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** We are dating.

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** You and Eddie are dating.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** Sí señor. Is that ok?

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** It is your life. Date him all you want.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** You seem mad.

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** How can you tell that I am mad over text?

 

**The Thing of Evil:** I wasn’t sure but now I am.

**The Thing of Evil:** Do you have a problem with us dating?

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** Of course not. I am happy for you.

**Stanley’s Manly:** Correction, I am happy for both of you.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** Stan, what’s wrong man?

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** Why did you not tell me?

 

**The Thing of Evil:** What?

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** Why did I have to find out by walking in on you, instead of you telling me?

 

**The Thing of Evil:** Maybe if you were polite enough to knock before walking into my fucking house, this would not be bothering you.

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** I have never had to knock before.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** I...oh.

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** It is weird.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** Weird that Eddie and I are dating?

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** It is weird Eddie and you are in a secret relationship.

**Stanley’s Manly:** It is weird you kept it from me. That you are keeping it from your friends.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** Oh…

**The Thing of Evil:** I mean I was going to tell you!

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** When?

 

**The Thing of Evil:** I was gonna make you an omelet and tell you.

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** Richie, seriously, we have known each other for so long and it is no secret that you have a thing for Eddie.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** I am the most subtle person around. I don’t know what you are fucking talking about.

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** 100 roses

 

**The Thing of Evil:** It was going to be 200 but I restrained myself to be subtle.

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** You are infuriating. This is the type of happy news you should want to share with your best friends. Are we not as close as I thought we were?

 

**The Thing of Evil:** Stan come on, of course, we are besties. “I would die for you” best friend status. We were going to tell you...eventually!

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** This is what I mean. Why eventually?

 

**The Thing of Evil:** We didn’t want it getting out!

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** I do not understand why you kept it a secret! Did you think I would not be happy for you? What was the reason?

 

**The Thing of Evil:** It’s all new and we wanted to be sure that whatever it was between us was more than just a crush. We wanted to explore this on our own...keep it for ourselves before involving everyone and it no longer just being the two of us.

**The Thing of Evil:** He’s also really worried about his mom finding out.

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** I suppose I understand.

**Stanley’s Manly:** I am bitter about it though.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** You are always bitter, Stan the man.

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** That is very true.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** Did we ruin Stanley Day?

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** I am suppressing what I saw deep into my brain so as to forget it ever happened.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** Beverly says she is on her way to my place. Are you coming back?

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** No way, you are going to pick me up before bowling now. In fact, you have to drive me everywhere as punishment.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** Are you punishing me or yourself?

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** I’ll have to get back to you on that one.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** Beverly and Bill know too.

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** How did they find out?

 

**The Thing of Evil:** I was kissing Eddie up against an alley wall by the Aladdin theater.

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** That is too much information. I am more upset now. Stop making out with innocent Eddie.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** YOU CANNOT KEEP US APART VILLAIN!

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** How has it been going?

 

**The Thing of Evil:** It’s been so good. Like perfect actually.

**The Thing of Evil:** Can I tell you something I haven’t even told him?

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** If it is sex-related, I will block your number.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** HAHAHA! No no.

**The Thing of Evil:** I think I am in love with Eddie.

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** Richie, wow, that is huge!

 

**The Thing of Evil:** I KNOW. It freaks me out because I don’t know if we are ready to say I love you.

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** You have said it before.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** Sure, in a friend way.

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** I bet he is in love with you too.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** Do you really think so?!?!?

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** I observe everyone enough to see Eddie is emphatically in love with you.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** Should I tell him?

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** When the moment feels right, you should. Everyone wants to be told they are loved.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** I love you, Stan the Man!

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** Except for me.

 

**The Thing of Evil:** Oh sure. You’ll tell Mike you love him but not me.

**The Thing of Evil:** I’m needier than Mike is!

 

**Stanley’s Manly:** I hate you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you thought!! Any parts that hopefully made you laugh?


	25. First Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The losers talk about their first crushes!

**** The Losers Club ****

**Trashmouth:** Who was everyone’s first crush? I have a theory we all crushed on each other first but Eddie doesn’t believe me.

 

**Eds:** Richie, no one is going to answer this.

 

**Bev:** Bill!

 

**Trashmouth:** Shocker

 

**Big Bill:** bev

 

**Eds:** Shocker x2

 

**Big Bill:** well who did you both have a crush on first

 

**Trashmouth:** EDDIE HAS BEEN MY ONLY CRUSH!

 

**Eds:** ugh

 

**Bev:** shocker x3

 

**Trashmouth:** Followed closely by Beverly for a bit.

 

**Big Bill:** what when

 

**Eds:** um…what?!

 

**Trashmouth:** She’s been beautiful forever can you blame me?

 

**Bev:** Richie! stoppppp it.

 

**Trashmouth:** Just speaking the truth, wifey.

 

**Eds:** I am right here! Like literally sitting next to you!

 

**Big Bill:** haha but youre not dating richie

 

**Bev:** admitting they are lovers at last! *heart eyes emoji*

 

**Eds:** I um…I am mad for you, Bill! Obviously! Shut up, Beverly!

 

**Big Bill:** obviously

 

**Bev:** well, Richie was the first man I loved.

 

**Trashmouth:** *heart eyes emoji* REALLY?!

 

**Big Bill:** i am right here ya know

 

**Bev:** followed closely by my one true love, Bill Denbrough.

 

**Big Bill:** thank you

 

**Trashmouth:** You’ve been quiet about this topic, Eddie Spaghetti. Who was your first crush?

 

**Stan the Man:** This is going to be good.

 

**Trashmouth:** Stan! Good because he also had a crush on me?

 

**Stan the Man:** He did not have a crush on you first. *smirking emoji*

 

**Eds:** THAT’S NOT YOUR SECRET TO TELL, STANLEY.

 

**Mikey Mike:** Fess up, Edward!

 

**Eds:** Richie has to promise not to get mad.

 

**Trashmouth:** I am rarely mad. Tell me!

 

**Eds:** Sigh…

**Eds:** Bill

 

**Big Bill:** awwww eddie that is so cute

 

**Eds:** I’m cringing a lot right now.

 

**Bev:** oh no! i stole Bill from Eddie!

 

**Trashmouth:** I can’t believe my lover would betray me in this way.

 

**Eds:** Not lovers.

 

**Trashmouth:** King Billiam! I, Sir Richard Trashmouth Tozier, demand a duel for the hand of Prince  Eddie Spaghetti of the Red Shorts.

 

**Eds:** Beep beep, asshole.

 

**Big Bill:** weve already dueled because of eddie before

 

**Trashmouth:** When?

 

**Big Bill:** when i punched you back in the day the fight started because you were screaming at me for putting eddie in danger

 

**Trashmouth:** I LOST THAT MATCH AND DEMAND A REDO!

 

**Eds:** Rich! I crushed on him before I even met you! Chill!

 

**Trashmouth:** So you admit you have a crush on me currently? *winky emoji*

 

**Eds:** …I want to know who Stanley had a crush on.

 

**Stan the Man:** I will take that secret to the grave.

 

**Big Bill:** it has to be richie

 

**Bev:** 100% Richie

 

**Mikey Mike:** It was definitely, Richie.

 

**Stan the Man:** TO THE GRAVE!

 

**Trashmouth:** Oh my god. The honor I feel at finding out I was Stanley’s first crush. I would just like to thank my parents, Bev and Bill. My husband, Eds and everyone at Trashmouth Academy of the Arts. I couldn’t have done it without my extensive work there.

 

**Stan the Man:** I will strangle you.

 

**Eds:** Stanley, I expected better from you.

 

**Stan the Man:** Is that so? At least I’m not sucking face with him 24/7.

 

**Eds:** I DON’T SUCK FACE WITH HIM!

 

**Stan the Man:** Who said I was talking about you?

 

**Eds:** Wait…what? I’m confused. Is someone making out with Richie that I don’t know about?

 

**Benny Boy:** It’s time you all knew. Richie and I are having an affair.

 

**Bev:** OH MY GOD. i am wheezing from laughter.

 

**Trashmouth:** We agreed no one could know about us Ben! It would only upset Eddie!

 

**Eds:** Oh gross, just stop! That idea made me sick!

 

**Mikey Mike:** I am laughing so hard right now.

 

**Stan the Man:** That is an image I never wanted to think about.

 

**Eds:** It’s really not that funny!

**Eds:** You can do way better than him, Ben!

 

**Trashmouth:** Jealous Edsy?! You know you’re number one! Ben is but a fling.

 

**Eds:** I am not jealous! Don’t flatter yourself.

 

**Bev:** oh he is definitely jealous.

 

**Eds:** I am not!

 

**Benny Boy:** I’m a little afraid now, it was only a joke Eddie! Lol

 

**Big Bill:** he wants that sweet trashmouth love

 

**Stan the Man:** Another image I never wanted to see.

 

**Eds:** I can’t deal with this stupidity right now!

 

**Trashmouth:** Alright Michael, who was your first crush?

 

**Mikey Mike:** I am about to break the streak because my first crush was not one of you losers.

 

**Trashmouth:** NOOOO

 

**Mikey Mike:** It was Winona Ryder. I loved her after Heathers.

 

**Trashmouth:** Your first person in real life Mikey. We have all had actor crushes.

 

**Mikey Mike:** Oh…well…ugh I am embarrassed.

 

**Big Bill:** out with it mikey

 

**Bev:** we have to know.

 

**Mikey Mike:** Do we all promise not to be weird about it?

 

**Big Bill:** promise

 

**Bev:** promise!

 

**Trashmouth:** Promise!!! I am so excited.

 

**Eds:** Promise.

 

**Benny Boy:** Promise!

 

**Mikey Mike:** Stanley?

 

**Stan the Man:** Yes, I promise. This is such a dumb thing anyway.

 

**Mikey Mike:** Well, that’s good because it was you, Stanley. Lol

 

**Benny Boy:** Ahhhhhhh

 

**Trashmouth:** I AM SPEECHLESS.

 

**Bev:** that’s a first! awwww so cute!

 

**Eds:** Now that would be a cute couple there!

 

**Stan the Man:** I do not know how you could possibly have had a crush me on. I was the worst at that age.

 

**Big Bill:** take the compliment stan

 

**Stan the Man:** Do not get me wrong, I am beyond flattered.

**Stan the Man:** I just do not understand how.

 

**Mikey Mike:** I tell you this all the time and hopefully one day you will believe me, you are perfect to me, Stanley.

 

**Benny Boy:** AHHHHH...DEAD

 

**Trashmouth:** I am crying actual tears. This is too pure.

 

**Stan the Man:** I am in a lot of shock and actually feeling emotions I did not know I had. I need us to move on to someone else. Ben, care to come forward with your first crush?

 

**Benny Boy:** No

 

**Eds:** I think this is the harshest thing I’ve ever seen Ben say!

 

**Trashmouth:** I mean...we all know who it is.

**Trashmouth:** *was I mean was

 

**Eds:** Richie!!!

 

**Eds:** Can’t you ever shut up!

  
  


****A Dumb Chat - Eddie, Richie, Stanley****

**Ed’s Dumb:** STANLEY!

 

**Stanley’s Dumbest:** I KNOW! I FUCKED UP!

 

**Richie’s Dumber:** Wow, Stanley is the dumbest after all.

 

**Ed’s Dumb:** AND YOU RICHIE! WHY ARE YOU AN ASSHOLE?!

 

**Richie’s Dumber:** WHAT?!

 

**Ed’s Dumb:** Seriously!!! Richie, please just do yourself, me and the group a favor and stop speaking in the group chat. I BEG YOU.

 

**Richie’s Dumber:** You are literally sitting on my lap right now and yelling this at me in person.

 

**Ed’s Dumb:** I am making sure Stanely knows I am scolding you. You are making it all so much worse. Just read, don’t text.

 

**Richie’s Dumber:** Fine. Fine. If it is bothering you that much. I will stop.

 

**Ed’s Dumb:** Thank you! Also, I’m not “sitting in your lap”. I am straddling your legs, it’s different!

 

**Stanley’s Dumbest:** No, it is not.

 

**Ed’s Dumb:** SHUT UP STANLEY AND GO FIX THIS!

 

**Stanley’s Dumbest:** Shit Fucking hell! I will try!

 

****The Losers Club****

**Stan the Man:** Actually, nevermind. Do not worry about it, Ben. It is none of our business.

 

**Bev:** hey we all confessed, what’s the big deal?

 

**Big Bill:** i think this game is done

 

**Bev:** what’s the problem, it’s only for fun!

 

**Mikey Mike:** So Stanley had a crush on Richie? That’s pretty funny.

 

**Stan the Man:** What part of “taking it to the grave” do we not understand?

 

**Bev:** why are you all being so weird?

 

**Eds:** Beverly, let’s drop it please.

 

**Bev:** you all seem to know. why can’t i?!

 

**Benny Boy:** You really want to know?

 

**Bev:** just tell me Ben!

 

**Benny Boy:** It’s you, Beverly.

 

**Bev:** Oh…

 

**Benny Boy:** Great. I think I have embarrassed myself enough for this evening. I’ll see you all at school. Good night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come yell at us in the comments or on tumblr!


	26. Closure?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr request: WE NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WITH BEN AND BEVERLY
> 
> Sam and Shannon: OK!

****Ben Beverly Chat****

**Actual Angel:** Ben…i am so so sorry.

 

 **Bennie Bee:** It’s fine Bev…we don’t need to talk about it!

 **Bennie Bee:** I’m just tired so I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

 

 **Actual Angel:** i don’t want you going to bed mad at me!

 **Actual Angel:** talk to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

 **Bennie Bee:** Bev I’m not mad, don’t worry!

 

 **Actual Angel:** you sound mad.

 

 **Bennie Bee:** Not to get all psychological here Bev but I think you’re hoping that I’ll be angry because you want me to be…

 **Bennie Bee:** I am not mad.

 **Bennie Bee:** I’m just really embarrassed.

 

 **Actual Angel:** i know and i feel horrible about it Ben!

 

 **Bennie Bee:** Can I ask then, why did you push it?

 

 **Actual Angel:** i don’t know…

 

 **Bennie Bee:** You had to realize back then I had a crush on you.

 **Bennie Bee:** I wasn’t the cool subtle guy I am today, so I know you knew!

 **Bennie Bee:** I mean you were my first kiss Bev, how could I not?!

 

 **Actual Angel:** you were mine too actually. my first kiss that is.

 **Actual Angel:** i did know you had a crush on me, i just wanted to hear it for sure i guess. have actual proof

 

 **Bennie Bee:** and you thought the best way was to expose me in front of the group lol

 

 **Actual Angel:** yeah well everyone was doing it, didn’t think it would be that…

 

 **Bennie Bee:** Problematic

 

 **Actual Angel:** haha exactly

 **Actual Angel:** but it was the wrong decision on my part…

 

 **Bennie Bee:** Well, now you know. Now everyone officially knows.

 

 **Actual Angel:** Ben...

 

 **Bennie Bee:** It’s fine. Honestly, it’s 4 years later and I get the closure I need.

 

 **Actual Angel:** what do you mean closure?

 

 **Bennie Bee:** I have always wondered if you didn’t feel just a little bit more than friendship with me. But you never have which is fine...sometimes Disney is wrong and you don’t always get the princess

 

 **Actual Angel:** I...that’s not true.

 

 **Bennie Bee:** …you’re right Disney should never be doubted!

 

 **Actual Angel:** Not what I meant...like at all...

 

 **Bennie Bee:** Bev, I really don’t want to be messed with right now. My heart wouldn’t be able to handle being ‘punked’

 **Bennie Bee:** Like I am a happy guy but I am not some marshmallow to be eaten or a pillow to be stomped on. (Two things Richie has compared me to by the way)

 

 **Actual Angel:** Ben…I just mean I have felt more than friendship stuff with you.

 

 **Bennie Bee:** What?!

 **Bennie Bee:** You lie!!

 **Bennie Bee:** The plot twist none of us saw coming!

 

 **Actual Angel:** hahahahaha Ben!

 **Actual Angel:** you got humiliated tonight for revealing your crush so I might as well do the same.

 

 **Bennie Bee:** Like back before you and Bill were together you felt that way?

 

 **Actual Angel:** um...no.

 

 **Bennie Bee:** Then….I don’t understand

 **Bennie Bee:** How…

 

 **Actual Angel:** we shouldn’t be talking about this. i’m with Bill and need to be focusing on that. besides you don’t feel that way about me anymore so it’s whatever.

 

 **Bennie Bee:** Beverly…

 

 **Actual Angel:** No

 **Actual Angel:** seriously, we can’t talk about this. night bennie

 

 **Bennie Bee:** Alright, whatever you want. Night Beverly.

 


	27. I Got Gayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The losers get new profile pictures!

**** The Losers Club ****

**Mikey Mike:** Are we still meeting after school for the photo shoot?

 

 **Stan the Man:** Are you sure you need all of us? I hate having my picture taken.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Pleaseeeee. I am building my portfolio!!

 

 **Trashmouth:** I AM READY FOR MY CLOSE UP MR. DEMILLE!

 

 **Eds:** That’s a reference from Sunset Blvd about a movie camera close up.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Either way, I am ready to be Mike’s muse, his Monalisa, his sixteenth chapel!

 

 **Stan the Man:** Richie, do you mean the Sistine Chapel?

 

 **Trashmouth:** I said what I said.

 

 **Eds:** Such an idiot

 

 **Big Bill:** itll be nice because i need a new profile pic

 

 **Bev:** Me too!

 

 **Benny Boy:** Mine is getting boring. So definitely time.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Great! See you after school!

 **Mikey Mike:** THE PICTURES ARE AMAZING! I have been editing them all weekend.

 

 **Trashmouth:** SHOW US IN ORDER OF YOUR FAVORITES!!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I can’t do that! You are all my favorite!

 

 **Eds:** In order of favorite photos!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Ok ok!

 **Mikey Mike:** Everyone has to remember that these photos are all incredible though!

 

 **Bev:** show ussssss

 

 **Mikey Mike:** So here is me *Picture of Mike Hanlon looking sexy as fuck*

 

 **Trashmouth:** A GOD AMONG US

 

 **Bev:** I will now be worshiping only Mike, God of sexiness.

 

 **Eds:** We do not deserve such perfection. Look at that dimple!

 

 **Big Bill:** wow i love mike

 

 **Benny Boy:** My jaw hit the floor.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** *changes profile picture*

 **Mikey Mike:** Thanks everyone!

 

 **Eds:** No thoughts Stanley?

 

 **Stan the Man:** Sorry, my brain turned off for a moment by the flawlessness that is Mike Hanlon.

 

 **Trashmouth:** MIKE BROKE STAN

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I’m so sorry. Haha

 

 **Stan the Man:** I will recover in a year. Let us get back to our regularly scheduled program.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** STAN! I can’t even handle you. Lol.

 **Mikey Mike:** Alright, now for Ben! *Picture of Ben Hanscom looking soft with an adorable smile*

 

 **Benny Boy:** Why do I perpetually look 14 years old?

 

 **Big Bill:** its true you do

 

 **Eds:** Relatable comment. But no Ben, you look like someone I want to hug and never let go.

 

 **Bev:** BEN’S A 10

 

 **Trashmouth:** NO HE IS AN 11/10

 

 **Stan the Man:** I particularly like that inviting side smile.

 

 **Benny Boy:** *changes profile picture*

 **Benny Boy:** I feel better about it now. Love you guys!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Now…LOOK AT MY LIL LAMB! *Picture of Eddie Kaspbrak with a Disney sweater and a precious expression*

 

 **Big Bill:** weve been blessed with the cutest human ever

 

 **Bev:** awww Eddie! look at my smol son being so handsome!

 

 **Stan the Man:** This is positively precious.

 

 **Benny Boy:** You’re eyes sparkle in this picture, Eddie!

 

 **Eds:** I hate you all

 

 **Big Bill:** also the angriest human ever

 

 **Trashmouth:** Dear god in heaven

 **Trashmouth:** Oh devil you temptress of evil

 **Trashmouth:** Eddie…you look….

 

 **Eds:** I swear if you say cute…I’m going to…

 

 **Trashmouth:** HOT!!

 

 **Eds:** ….

 **Eds:** *changes profile picture*

 **Eds:** Thanksssss

 

 **Bev:** you’ve made him blush.

 

 **Eds:** No he didn’t.

 

 **Big Bill:** dont deny it eddie you just thanked richie for calling you hot

 

 **Trashmouth:** He is beauty, he is grace, please sit upon my face!

 

 **Bev:** LOVERS!

 

 **Eds:** YOU ARE GROSS. MOVING ON.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Time for our fearless leader! *Picture of Bill covering half is face looking sweet*

 

 **Bev:** Hi, so we are having sex tonight.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I will be joining you.

 

 **Big Bill:** oh my god haha

 

 **Eds:** I just choked on air.

 

 **Stan the Man:** Beep beep, all of you.

 

 **Benny Boy:** Bill’s too cool for us.

 

 **Eds:** Richie, you’re not having sex with Bev and Bill.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Try and stop me.

 

 **Big Bill:** *changes profile picture*

 **Big Bill:** i will stop him

 

 **Bev:** just let my husband live!

 

 **Big Bill:** bev no

 

 **Eds:** Ok, come over and I’ll convince you otherwise. *winky emoji*

 

 **Trashmouth:** FUCKING DON’T MOVE I AM RUNNING OVER NOW.

 

 **Bev:** did Eddie just proposition Richie?!??

 

 **Stan the Man:** BEEP BEEP, EDDIE!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** My mind is blown right now. I never thought I’d see the day.

 

 **Eds:** Little does he know, he ain’t getting jack shit.

 

 **Big Bill:** chaotic evil

 

 **Benny Boy:** Stop playing with his heart!

 

 **Eds:** Holy shit…he actually spirited to my house. What the fuck.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** You made him an enticing offer.

 

 **Stan the Man:** Please, give him blue balls.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I feel led on.

 

 **Eds:** I regret my words…

 

 **Bev:** we should be focusing on my hot as fuck boyfriend! our leader who we would all die for!!!

 

 **Big Bill:** oof thanks babe you embarrass me in the best way

 

 **Bev:** unlike Eddie, i was actually serious about us having sex. so like be here.

 

 **Big Bill:** bevvvvv

 **Big Bill:** be there in like 10

 

 **Bev:** thank god

 

 **Mikey Mike:** On to the trashiest man we know… *Picture of Richie gazing at the camera looking smoking*

 

 **Bev:** slay my husband!

 

 **Trashmouth:** *changes profile picture*

 **Trashmouth:** Mike sent us a Dick pic.

 

 **Bev:** *crying of laughter emoji*

 

 **Mikey Mike:** I only got the serious look because he sneezed like 3 seconds later but it turned out great

 

 **Trashmouth:** And I’m squinting so much BECAUSE I CAN’T SEE WITHOUT MY GLASSES MICHAEL.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Your thick ass glasses were ruining my shot!

 

 **Stan the Man:** He actually looks like a decent human being. Mike works miracles!

 

 **Benny Boy:** Why are all my friends so attractive?!

 

 **Big Bill:** damn rich

 

 **Trashmouth:** Yes, I’m hella attractive we all know.

 

 **Bev:** Eddie is strangely quiet.

 

 **Trashmouth:** He is...come on Eds I would like a compliment.

 

 **Bev:** Teddie express your feelings!

 

 **Trashmouth:** I did you, time for you to do me.

 

 **Bev:** haha dirty

 

 **Big Bill:** hes speechless

 

 **Stan the Man:** His brain probably malfunctioned.

 

 **Eds:** Shut up, Richie knows he is attractive, I don’t need to say it.

 

 **Trashmouth:** You just called me attractive.

 

 **Eds:** NO! I said you call yourself attractive.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Read your comment over my sweets, you said I know it, so you don’t have to admit it!

 

 **Bev:** EXPOSED

 

 **Eds:** SHUT UP

 

 **Trashmouth:** DON’T FIGHT THE LOVE EDS AND JUST ADMIT IT!

 

 **Eds:** FINE

 **Eds:** You’re not horrible to look at in this picture.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I’m swooning.

 

 **Bev:** LOVERS TIMES TWO!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** The most beautiful woman in our lives! *Picture of Beverly looking badass and smirking at the camera*

 

 **Stan the Man:** Picture proof of actual beauty caught on camera.

 

 **Trashmouth:** You bitches aren’t worthy, Yas Queen B!!!

 

 **Big Bill:** most beautiful girl in the world who i love

 

 **Eds:** You are stunning Bev!

 

 **Benny Boy:** Richie is right, we aren’t worthy! Words cannot describe how beautiful you are!

 

 **Bev:** *changes profile picture*

 **Bev:** i’m a sobbing mess! i love my boys!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Now my favorite because it made me truly realize how not straight I am. *Stanley photo with hair pushed back giving the camera a smolder*

 

 **Eds:** Wow I got gayer.

 

 **Bev:** i got straighter.

 

 **Big Bill:** I didn’t expect my eyes to be blessed today.

 

 **Stan the Man:** YOU USED PROPER GRAMMAR FOR MY LOOKS?!

 

 **Trashmouth:** STAN

 **Trashmouth:** THE

 **Trashmouth:** MANNNNNNNN

 

 **Benny Boy:** Seriously! HOW. ARE. YOU. ALL. THIS. ATTRACTIVE?!

 

 **Bev:** screw Richie! i think Stanley should come have a threesome with us.

 

 **Big Bill:** i would say hard pass but id be lying

 

 **Stan the Man:** *changes profile picture*

 **Stan the Man:** Beep beep you losers.

 

 **Trashmouth:** I’d be more offended but I have Eds, so really I win.

 

 **Eds:** Help me

 

 **Stan the Man:** Honestly, I am the most flattered that I turned Mike full gay. Now I know my looks can do anything.


	28. Cotton Ball Filled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beverly gets a wake-up call about Ben.

****Ben & Beverly Chat****

**Actual Angel:** i think we need to change our names to something Disney related.

 

_Ben Hanscom set the nickname for Beverly Marsh to The Princess_

_Ben Hanscom set their nickname to The Frog_

 

 **The Frog:** Done!

 

 **The Princess:** no Ben!

 

 **The Frog:** Okay how about…

 

_Ben Hanscom set the nickname for Beverly Marsh to Beauty_

_Ben Hanscom set their nickname to The Beast_

 

 **Beauty:** i do love Belle, but you are no Beast….hmm ok i got it.

 

_Beverly Marsh set the nickname for Ben Hanscom to Prince Charming_

 

 **Beauty:** now it all makes sense

 

 **Prince Charming:** Okay lol

 **Prince Charming:** You and Richie have Disney related nicknames too right?

 

 **Beauty:** yeah! Richie Dear and Bev Darling!

 

 **Prince Charming:** Like Jim Dear and Darling from Lady and the Tramp!

 

 **Beauty:** exactly!! since we are husband and wife, it makes sense.

 

 **Prince Charming:** What a lucky guy!

 

 **Beauty:** i know right. *winky emoji*

 **Beauty:** i never thanked you for the valentine rose you gave me. i was kind of in a bad mood that day. but thank you so much.

 

 **Prince Charming:** It was anonymous, how do you know it was me?

 

 **Beauty:** because only you, Ben Hanscom would go and get flowers for all of his friends to show his love to everyone.

 **Beauty:** i really loved it, thank you!

 

 **Prince Charming:** Anytime Bevvie, honestly you deserve all the roses.

 

 **Beauty:** so sweet but one is enough. it was nice to receive anything for Valentines.

 

 **Prince Charming:** Did…did Bill not get you anything?

 

 **Beauty:** he’s not a fan of the day. it’s fine really but i appreciate the love even if it is from a friend.

 

 **Prince Charming:** Anytime

 

 **Beauty:** i’m also annoyed that Richie got Eddie 100 roses and they aren’t even “dating”.

 

 **Prince Charming:** THEY SHOULD BE.

 

 **Beauty:** preaching to the choir. oh well, i took a bunch of the flowers and pretended they were mine to begin with.

 

 **Prince Charming:** Bev don’t take this the wrong way and I mean nothing bad on Bill, but you deserve all the love on Valentine’s day!

 

 **Beauty:** oh Ben, stop lol it’s okay.

 

 **Prince Charming:** No I want you to know you deserve a lot. You are the kindest, strongest, bravest, most beautiful, funniest, most amazingly interesting person I’ve ever met. To top it all off, you have a heart of gold that’s so admirable.

 **Prince Charming:** You deserve to be shown how special you are everyday, it shouldn’t be swept under the rug.

 

 **Beauty:** wow, this is all super sweet…

 

 **Prince Charming:** I mean it Bev, if I were ever with a girl as amazing as you are, I would do everything in my power to show her how lucky I am that she decided to be with me.

 

 **Beauty:** …Ben you shouldn’t say things like this.

 

 **Prince Charming:** Why? It’s the truth!

 

 **Beauty:** thank you, this was sweet just like you!

 

 **Prince Charming:** Anytime Bevvie

 

****Beverly & Richie Chat ****

**Bev Darling:** fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

 

 **Richie Dear:** Are you trying to seduce me? Cause it’s working babe *winky face emoji*

 

 **Bev Darling:** I’m screwed Rich!!

 

 **Richie Dear:** Bev what’s wrong, you were fine a moment ago?

 

 **Bev Darling:** yeah, until Ben came and screwed it all up.

 

 **Richie Dear:** What did that poor oblivious foolish kid do now?

 

 **Bev Darling:** THIS

 **Bev Darling:** *sends chat with all the compliments*

 

 **Richie Dear:** Is he seriously Prince Charming and are you actually Beauty? Are you TRYING to torture yourselves?!

 

 **Bev Darling:** this is serious Richie.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Why?

 

 **Bev Darling:** why? are you for real? do you not see what he has written!

 

 **Richie Dear:** I see it Bev but why is it an issue now?

 

 **Bev Darling:** what do you mean? im with Bill, he shouldn’t be saying such things!

 **Bev Darling:** how can he not realize what he is saying shouldn’t be said?! It’s just confusing to me!

 

 **Richie Dear:** Okay wifey, I love you, you know I do but I’m about to lay it all on the motherfucking table and take my boy Ben’s side here.

 **Richie Dear:** To that sad pathetic cotton ball filled kid he’s not going to see what he is saying as “wrong”. He’s been saying these things to you for years now, you’ve ignored it and thought he was just being nice!

 

 **Bev Darling:** i’m telling Ben you called him cotton filled.

 

 **Richie Dear:** I don’t think it would even click to fluffy cloud benny boy what he’s saying is wrong because it’s always been brushed off. Like it was NOTHING. This is the norm for him now, Bev.

 

 **Bev Darling:** has it seriously always been like this…

 

 **Richie Dear:** He constantly says how beautiful you are and how amazing you are, you just never listened to the real meaning, till now!

 

 **Bev Darling:** ugh, i hate when knowledgeable Richie comes out.

 

 **Richie Dear:** How dare you. I’m always knowledgeable, I just choose the right moments to enforce it.

 

 **Bev Darling:** i can’t believe my stupid self had to go get a crush on him

 

 **Richie Dear:** Well I’m sure Benny Boy will be excited about the news! Even though you kinda told him already…

 

 **Bev Darling:** don’t remind me. i need to figure out my current relationship situation before i can even dream about anything else!

 

 **Richie Dear:** You’re right about that so the question now Bev is what do YOU want? Take Bill and Ben out of the equation and think of you!

 

 **Bev Darling:** im just so confused right now

 

 **Richie Dear:** Understandable but we both know one thing you need to do soon, Bevvie.

 

 **Bev Darling:** okay asshole, and what’s that?!

 

 **Richie Dear:** I think it’s time you speak to Bill.

 

 **Bev Darling:** sigh…I think you’re right.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Yeah, Eddie thinks so too.

 

 **Bev Darling:** YOU TOLD EDDIE?! WHAT THE HELL?!!

 

 **Richie Dear:** …I am getting the feeling you’re angry…but he is here with me, he asked what was wrong.

 **Richie Dear:** He is just so damn cute with his snuggling up to me, with that concerned frown…What was I supposed to do?!?!

 

 **Bev Darling:** umm LIE!!

 

 **Richie Dear:** GASP! Beverly Marsh how dare you. I could never look into those big beautiful brown Bambi eyes of his and tell him a….lie

 

 **Bev Darling:** that was an aggressive amount of alliteration.

 

 **Richie Dear:** So was that! I know it was fun. Haha

 

 **Bev Darling:** but Eddie’s best friends with Bill.

 

 **Richie Dear:** So am I?!

 

 **Bev Darling:** it’s different! Eddie tells Bill everything.

 

 **Richie Dear:** He won’t say anything Bev, I promise!

 

 **Bev Darling:** how do you know!?

 

 **Richie Dear:** Because I asked him not to tell. ❤️

 

 **Bev Darling:** ugh how is it that you two have become cuter?!

 

 **Richie Dear:** I know we are!

 **Richie Dear:** Plus you’re his best friend too!

 

 **Bev Darling:** does he hate me?

 

 **Richie Dear:** He said that’s not possible.

 

 **Bev Darling:** wow tell my smol son i love him.

 

 **Richie Dear:** “I love you with my whole heart ❤️ Bev.”

 

 **Bev Darling:** *crying emoji*

 

 **Richie Dear:** We understand Bev it’s a hard situation to be in, but the sooner you talk to Bill...

 

 **Bev Darling:** the better, I know I know.

 

 **Richie Dear:** Eddie says we are here for you, and wishes you luck. We love you!

 

 **Bev Darling:** thanks, love you two losers too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up that we will be starting a new part of the series when we get to Chapter 35! We aren't stopping, just creating a sort of sequel continuation.


	29. Happy Birthday Fucker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A certain brother comes into the chat to wish Richie a Happy Birthday!

** **The Losers Club Chat** **

_March 7, 2018_

**Big Bill:** Sup Fuckers!

 

 **Bev:** what the hell?

 

 **Eds:** You alright there Bill?

 

 **Benny Boy:**  Are you…are you drunk?

 

 **Big Bill:** I’m sorry, Billy can’t come to the phone right now. Why?? Oh, ‘cause he’s dead.

 

 **Benny Boy:** Definitely drunk if he’s referencing Tay swift.

 

 **Trashmouth:**  Mini fucker!!!

 

 **Big Bill:** Big fucker!!!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** What in the world is HAPPENING?!

 

 **Bev:** oh!!!! Hiya Georgie!!

 

 **Big Bill:**  Hi Bevvvvv

 

 **Benny Boy:**  I get it now!

 **Benny Boy:**  Hi Georgie!

 

 **Big Bill:** Hi BenBen!

 

_Bill Denbrough set their nickname to Georgie Porgie_

 

 **Benny Boy:** Georgie Porgie pudding and pie,  
Kissed the girls and made them cry  
When the boys came out to play,  
Georgie Porgie ran away.

 

 **Georgie Porgie:**  I didn’t know it was a poem! It’s what my gran calls me.

 

 **Benny Boy:**  Nursery rhythm but yes!

 

 **Eds:** Okay and with that…It’s my favorite guy!!!!

 

 **Trashmouth:** I thought I was your favorite guy? *sad emoji*

 

 **Eds:** Nope! I love 1 boy.

 

 **Georgie Porgie:**  And that's me fuckers!!!

 

 **Eds:** ❤️

 

 **Stan the Man:**  Richie, did you teach an eleven year old to call us fuckers?

 

 **Trashmouth:**  Perhaps…you have no proof!

 

 **Georgie Porgie:** He did, I’m the proof.

 

 **Benny Boy:**  Savage

 

 **Trashmouth:**  Be cool little dude!

 

 **Georgie Porgie:** Why is Richie trashmouth in the chat?

 

 **Mikey Mike:**  Everything he says is absolute trash! Hi George!!

 

 **Eds:** Because he is literal garbage.

 

 **Mikey Mike:**  True

 

 **Georgie Porgie:** Hiya Mikey! I like that you call me George. No one ever does.

 

 **Mikey Mike:**  I call most people by their full name! It’s my thang.

 

 **Georgie Porgie:** Your so cool.

 

 **Stan the Man:**  *You’re

 

 **Georgie Porgie:** Sorry Stan! You’re so cool.

 

 **Trashmouth:**  He’s 11 Stan. He can make texting mistakes.

 

 **Stan the Man:**  It is my personal mission to make sure Georgie does not develop his brother’s grammatical ineptitude.

 

 **Georgie Porgie:** I don’t know that word but ok! I’ll do my best!

 

 **Eds:** Hahah! Watcha up too, Georgie?

 

 **Georgie Porgie:** Welllll, since my parents won’t get me a cell because they suck…

 

 **Trashmouth:** They really need to get you one. The world is unsafe. What if you have to call them because you are stuck in a sewer?!

 

 **Georgie Porgie:**  THAT WAS ONE TIME!

 

 **Eds:** Or a clown might kidnap you.

 

 **Georgie Porgie:** Fuck clowns. I can’t even think about that shitty day.

 **Georgie Porgie:** Anyway I stole Billy’s phone while he is taking a shower because…

 **Georgie Porgie:**  *Happy Birthday Fucker drawing of the losers*

 **Georgie Porgie:**  HAPPY BIRTHDAY RICHIE I LOVE YOU FUCKTARD!

 

 **Trashmouth:**  I FUCKING LOVE YOU SO MUCH GEORGIE!!! THANK YOU!!

 

 **Georgie Porgie:** I am glad you like it!!!

 

 **Benny Boy:** THIS IS AMAZING!!!

 

 **Trashmouth:** YOU MADE MY GLASSES BISEXUAL FLAG COLORS. I am WEEPING!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Everything about this is perfect.

 

 **Bev:** MY SHIRT SAYS “FUCK YOU” IN THIS! I LOVE IT! AHHH

 

 **Eds:** WHAT A MOOD!!

 

 **Stan the Man:** You truly capture my grumpiness.

 

 **Georgie Porgie:** You are a better grumpy dad than my own Stanny.

 

 **Stan the Man:**  It is an honor to be seen as such.

 

 **Eds:** Georgie, you are so talented and literally 11 years old. Like my mind is blown.

 **Eds:** But one question my sweet Georgie…WHY IS RICHIE KISSING ME??

 

 **Georgie Porgie:**  Because I ship it.

 

 **Bev:** Me too little man.

 

 **Eds:** You can’t ship real people!

 

 **Benny Boy:**  I disagree…for I also ship them.

 

 **Georgie:** I know my ship will be canon one day. You two just have to get your shit together.

 

 **Bev:** how does it feel to be shamed by an 11 year old, Richie and Eddie?

 

 **Trashmouth:**  I accept Eds and I are lovers, so he needs to get his shit together. Thank you very much!

 

 **Eds:** You are all so annoying. Also, I am so horrified by Georgie cursing. Where did my sweet innocent boy go?

 

 **Georgie Porgie:** I’ll still be sweet to you Eddie. *winky emoji*

 

 **Eds:**  Aww

 

 **Trashmouth:** Are you hitting on my man George Denbrough?

 

 **Georgie Porgie:** WELL IF YOU WON’T!

 

 **Trashmouth:** I WILL FIGHT YOU!

 

 **Eds:**  Oh god, no one fight for me please. I love you all.

 

 **Bev:** what about me?! i want georgie love!

 

 **Georgie Porgie:** You are probably marrying Bill someday, so I have to be nice to you.

 

 **Bev:** oh um…ok.

 

 **Georgie Porgie:** I AM JOKING BEVVIE! You know you are my #1 girl. 

 

 **Bev:** Hahaha! you had me scared there.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Bill has competition haha

 

 **Stan the Man:** Georgie has officially been around Richie more than he should.

 **Stan the Man:**  He is corrupting him and I do not approve.

 

 **Trashmouth:**  YOU ARE WRONG GOOD SIR!

 

 **Stan the Man:**  Excuse me?

 

 **Benny Boy:** Fix it Rich!

 

 **Trashmouth:** I’m only making him more awesome. He is spreading that awesomeness to all.

 

 **Georgie Porgie:** Oh shit, Bill’s coming. Bye everyone!

 

 **Benny Boy:**  Bye

 

 **Eds:** Bye my favorite boy!

 

 **Trashmouth:** See ya little man!

 

 **Bev:**  love you baby boy!

 

 **Stan the Man:**  Goodbye, Georgie.

 

 **Mikey Mike:**  Bye kiddo!

 

_Bill Denbrough set their nickname to Stupid fuckface Bill_

 

 **Eds:**  GEORGIE!!! Oh my god. I can’t.

 

 **Benny Boy:** You are the worst influence, Richie!

 

 **Trashmouth:** Or am I the best?

 

 **Stan the Man:** You are definitely the worst. In general and always, the worst.

 

 **Trashmouth:**  Love you too Stanny.

 

 **Stupid fuckface Bill:**  what the hell

 

_Bill Denbrough set their nickname to Bill_

 

 **Bill:** damn it georgie

 

 **Trashmouth:**  Who the fuck do you think you are?

 

_Richie Tozier set the nickname for Bill Denbrough to Big Bill_

 

 **Big Bill:** ya know i love my little bro but he is such a shit and i blame richie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO RICHIE TOZIER! The character's actual birthday is in fact March 7. 
> 
> Georgie's picture of the Losers:   
> https://wearethelosersclub.tumblr.com/post/171570038896/georgie-wishes-richie-happy-birthday-loser-club


	30. I Love You

****Eddie and Richie Chat****

**Eds ❤️:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE!

 

**Rich ❤️:** Wow you called me babe.

 

**Eds ❤️:** Is that ok? Like not weird?

 

**Rich ❤️:** It’s MORE than ok!

 

**Eds ❤️:** Great! Happy Happy Happy birthday babe!

 

**Rich ❤️:** Thank you!!! What did you get me?!!!

 

**Eds ❤️:** You will just have to see tonight.

 

**Rich ❤️:** Fineeeee.

 

**Rich ❤️:** So my darling Eds…

 

**Eds ❤️:** Don’t call me Eds.

 

**Rich ❤️:** So my Darling, I have an important question to ask about tonight.

 

**Eds ❤️:** Yes?

 

**Rich ❤️:** Do you want to sleepover tonight?

 

**Eds ❤️:** Oh! Um…I guess. I mean sure. Yeah. Ok. Why not?

 

**Rich ❤️:** You don’t seem sure…

 

**Eds ❤️:** Well, it’s just we haven’t had a sleepover since we started dating and I…yeah.

 

**Rich ❤️:** Haha. Eds, it’s fine! You don’t have to be weird about it.

 

**Eds ❤️:** I’m not being weird about anything! You’re weird!

 

**Rich ❤️:** Good comeback. *smirking emoji*

 

**Eds ❤️:** Oh just….shut up!

**Eds ❤️:** Should I bring anything?

 

**Rich ❤️:** The usual stuff for a sleepover? What do you think is gonna happen?

 

**Eds ❤️:** I don’t know?! Nothing…I guess.

 

**Rich ❤️:** Unless you want something to happen.

 

**Eds ❤️:** Like what?! I mean no! I don’t know…Do you…want something to happen?

 

**Rich ❤️:** The only thing I want tonight is to cuddle and be little spooned by you.

 

**Eds ❤️:** That’s really all you want?

 

**Rich ❤️:** And we have to make out.

 

**Eds ❤️:** That’s a given. Sure.

 

**Rich ❤️:** Sooooooo yes?

 

**Eds ❤️:** Yeah, of course I’ll sleepover!

 

**Rich ❤️:** AMAZING!

 

**Eds ❤️:** I can’t believe Georgie fucking “ships” us.

 

**Rich ❤️:** Probably Bill and Bev putting it in his head. I love that kid.

 

**Eds ❤️:** It’s definitely all their fault.

 

**Rich ❤️:** Stan, Bev, and Bill make it IMPOSSIBLE to keep this a secret Eds.

 

**Eds ❤️:** They do!

**Eds ❤️:** Though we aren’t the most subtle either. Technically we were the ones who got ourselves caught!

 

**Rich ❤️:** I can’t believe we got caught not once but TWICE.

 

**Eds ❤️:** Because SOMEONE can’t keep their mouth off the other!!

 

**Rich ❤️:** You weren’t complaining at the time. *winky emoji*

 

**Eds ❤️:** That’s not me complaining, I wouldn’t complain about being kissed by you. I just want to state it’s your fault!

 

**Rich ❤️:** The only time I will gladly accept blame for something.

 

**Eds ❤️:** Idiot

**Eds ❤️:** I’m just happy the other two haven’t figured it out, even if it is just because Ben is so oblivious and Mike….is just too chill to question anything lol

 

**Rich ❤️:** Are you coming over soon?

 

**Eds ❤️:** No, your gift isn’t ready yet. In fact…it is being a problematic bitch.

 

**Rich ❤️:** Ok, but the party starts in 10 minutes…

 

**Eds ❤️:** I’ll be there!

 

_ Today 8:30 PM _

**Rich ❤️:** Eds…it’s been half an hour.

**Rich ❤️:** I get you like to be fashionably late but this is excessive.

**Rich ❤️:** That’s a joke because you are literally never fucking late.

**Rich ❤️:** Seriously, where are you?

**Rich ❤️:** Are you even coming?

**Rich ❤️:** I’ve called you 3 times now. I am starting to look super pathetic in front of our friends.

**Rich ❤️:** Whatever, we are starting a movie. Fucking let me know when you are on your way.

 

**Eds ❤️:** I’m sorry but I’m trying to salvage what I can of your gift and it’s not going well and I don’t need anymore pressure!

 

**Rich ❤️:** Pressure?! I haven’t pressured you at all!

 

**Eds ❤️:** You’re like the definition of pressure to me!

 

**Rich ❤️:** Jesus. Is this about the sleeping over tonight?

 

**Eds ❤️:** What? No…this is about trying to get your gift to be perfect and it’s not going as planned. On top of that, having to deal with you calling three times to see what the issue is!

 

**Rich ❤️:** Wow, this is the dumbest excuse ever. You don’t have to fucking ignore my calls and not show up to my party just because you don’t want to stay over tonight. YOU COULD HAVE JUST SAID YOU DIDN’T WANT TO. 

 

**Eds ❤️:** I literally told you twice that it isn’t about staying over! I AM FUCKING TRYING TO FIX YOUR BIRTHDAY GIFT SO IT IS PERFECT! I’m late because of your damn present not because I don’t want to fucking spoon you!

 

**Rich ❤️:** Eddie, you can finish the gift whenever. Your presence at my party is more important than a stupid gift! Finish it later and come over.

 

**Eds ❤️:** It’s not stupid, it’s important and I wanted to give it to you tonight!!! I can’t wait another day!!!!

 

**Rich ❤️:** Why?! What is it?!

 

**Eds ❤️:** This is not how gift giving works!!

 

**Rich ❤️:** You are making me want to throw my phone across the room.

 

**Eds ❤️:** Maybe you should! At least then I would get some QUIET, SO I CAN FIX MY FUCK UP IN PEACE!

 

**Rich ❤️:** You’re being an asshole

 

**Eds ❤️:** Ugh. I’m sorry, look Rich…

 

**Rich ❤️:** I already hate my birthday. Like you know that. Because my parents don’t give a shit about it.

**Rich ❤️:** And now my boyfriend doesn’t care enough to be at my party.

 

**Eds ❤️:** Richie STOP!! That isn’t true and honestly how could you even think that way of me?!

 

**Rich ❤️:** Then why aren’t you here?

 

**Eds ❤️:** Because I was making you a fucking shirt and on the inside I had ‘I love you’ printed out, but then I spilled paint on the print that ruined the most important surprise of the damn gift because I wanted you to fucking know that  _ I am in love with you _ , you idiot!

**Eds ❤️:** THIS IS A PERSON WHO CARES A LOT ABOUT YOU OKAY!!! LIKE WAY TOO MUCH IT’S FUCKING SCARY!

**Eds ❤️:** I just wanted your birthday gift to be perfect, for your day to be perfect.

 

**Rich ❤️:** YOU SAID YOU LOVE ME!

 

**Eds ❤️:** What?! Oh my god. Noooooo! Erase that from your memory! I was going to say it in person. I just keep fucking up this day entirely.

 

**Rich ❤️:** But Eddie!

 

**Eds ❤️:** How can you possibly date someone so useless and dumb. Worst boyfriend ever.

 

**Rich ❤️:** No!! You aren’t dumb at all!

 

**Eds ❤️:** I am the worst. I just told you over text that I well you know…

 

**Rich ❤️:** Eddie! I love you too!!!!

 

**Eds ❤️:** !!!!!

 

**Rich ❤️:** I was going to tell you I love you tonight!!! That’s why I wanted you to sleepover!

**Rich ❤️:** I am so head over heels in love with you it is ridiculous.

 

**Eds ❤️:** Really?!

 

**Rich ❤️:** Yes!

 

**Eds ❤️:** Thank fuck!

**Eds ❤️:** They don’t explain enough in movies or books how truly scary it is telling someone you love them!

**Eds ❤️:** I mean borderline panic attacks daily.

 

**Rich ❤️:** I love my anxiety filled boy!

 

**Eds ❤️:** Fuck romantic movies and young adult novels for making me believe that shit was simple!

 

**Rich ❤️:** Seriously though! I’ve been freaking about it. Like I’ve been stopping myself from saying I love you all the time since we started dating because I didn’t want it to be too soon.

**Rich ❤️:** But we have also known each other for so long and loved each other forever…So I was like WHAT DO I DOOOOO.

 

**Eds ❤️:** I know what you mean…I’m happy we were friends first and had the relationship grow from there. It’s made this all the more special!

**Eds ❤️:** I can’t believe you had to stop yourself from saying you love me…you should have just done it…so I didn’t have to go through the emotional torture I’ve been going through!

 

**Rich ❤️:** Thinking about me tortures you? Does it wreck you, Eds? *winky emoji*

 

**Eds ❤️:** Honestly Rich, you drive me crazy!

 

**Rich ❤️:** PLEASE COME TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY NOW SO I CAN MAKE OUT WITH YOUR FACE AND TELL YOU I LOVE YOU MORE

 

**Eds ❤️:** haha! I literally left my house the moment you admitted you love me, so I’m like two minutes away!

 

**Rich ❤️:** Happy Birthday to me!

 

**Eds ❤️:** Happy Birthday you idiot!

 

**Rich ❤️:** I love you, Edward Kaspbrak!

 

**Eds ❤️:** I love you too, Richard Tozier.

  
  


** **We Know You’re Making Out Chat - Beverly, Bill, Eddie, Richie, Stanley** **

_ Beverly Marsh created a group chat _

_ Beverly Marsh added Bill Denbrough, Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier to the group _

_ Beverly Marsh renamed the group  _ **_We Know You’re Making Out_ **

 

**Bill:** you two are the least subtle things ever

 

**Beverly:** yeah give me back my husband, im not finished giving him love on his birthday

 

_ Beverly Marsh set the nickname for Eddie Kaspbrak to BoyToy _

_ Beverly Marsh set the nickname for Richie Tozier to FuckBoy _

 

**Stanley:** Can we please just believe their story about getting ice for drinks?

 

**Beverly:** it’s been 20 minutes Stan.

 

**Stanley:** I do not need my brain to wander to any other sort of explanation. I caught a live show, I do not need a replay.

 

**Bill:** not subtle and completely lack the ability to keep their secret relationship a secret

 

**BoyToy:** Fuck you Bill, there are some that still don’t know about us!

 

**Bill:** you mean the two yeah impressive

 

**BoyToy:** And fuck you Beverly for this chat and nickname!

 

**Beverly:** come up for air, I see?!

 

**Stanley:** Ice, they went for ice.

 

**FuckBoy:** You guys mind not distracting Eddie. He keeps trying to answer while I’m trying to do magical things with my tongue

 

**BoyToy:** Beep Beep Richie!

 

**Stanley:** ICE, YOU TWO WENT FOR ICE. I do not like this new group chat!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up that we will be starting a new part of the series when we get to Chapter 35! We aren't stopping, just creating a sort of sequel continuation.


	31. plans are off/Stranger Things Crew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The losers partied a little too hard at Richie's birthday. Bill gets accepted into a film festival with an eager crew ready to start filming. A bit of drama gets revealed.

****The Losers Club Chat****

**Big Bill:** your party was fun richie but i am so hungover

 

 **Bev:** i think i might be still drunk.

 

 **Trashmouth:** It happened again...

 **Trashmouth:** My drunkass self woke up on the fucking carpet right outside my room. Apparently I needed to go get a charger, left the room and didn’t come back. But I literally went two steps and went to sleep.

 

 **Eddie:** I was so confused as to where you went. I was freezing all night.

 

 **Trashmouth:** You missed my body warmth. YOU ONLY LOVE ME FOR MY BODY.

 

 **Eddie:** I mean obviously

 

 **Bev:** you slept in the same bed?! LOVERS

 

 **Eddie:** We always do?? That’s not a new thing.

 

 **Trashmouth:** But yes, as lovers Bev.

 

 **Eddie:** YOU HUSH!

 

 **Mikey Mike:** How ya feelin little lamb? You tried to go shot for shot with me last night.

 

 **Eddie:** *Anakin Skywalker what have I done gif*

 **Eddie:** Not good, it was a dumb idea and I regret life.

 

 **Stan the Man:** *Spongebob drunk gif*

 **Stan the Man:** ^ All of us right now.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** *petting drunk friend facedown in toilet with broom gif*

 

 **Bev:** i know we made plans when drunk but are we still hanging tonight fam?

 

 **Benny Boy:** I’m in!!

 

 **Big Bill:** sure

 **Big Bill:** everyone take the day to recover and then well see each other good and new haha

 

 **Bev:** yes please!  tonight’s my last night of freedom before i go back to work.

 **Bev:** also me right now *Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably gif*

 

 **Trashmouth:** Wifey, you stole my record store shifts.

 

 **Bev:** did not! you don’t answer the emails fast enough. switch with Adrian Mellon so we can work together this week.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Yesssss, I love that guy. He’s so sassy and cool.

 

 **Eddie:** He’s too gay for me. Literally flirts with everyone.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Eddie...you’re too gay for all of us.

 

 **Eddie:** Screw you! That’s not true!

 

 **Big Bill:** always so jealous

 

 **Bev:** no need to be jealous Eddie. Adrian has a boyfriend.

 

 **Eddie:** I’M NOT JEALOUS!

 

 **Stan the Man:** His name is Don, right? We have English with him. He is chill.

 

 **Eddie:** Good for them. Derry could use more gay couples.

 

 **Trashmouth:** We can always add ourselves to that group, Spaghetti. *winky emoji*

 

 **Eddie:** Leave my sight.

 

 **Bev:** how’s your hangover husband?

 

 **Trashmouth:** Surprisingly only a little hungover. Considering where I woke up and I can’t remember bits from last night…I’ll totally try to see you all tonight too! Where y’all gonna hang?

 

 **Big Bill:** my house

 **Big Bill:** what time are you guys coming

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Can I lay down and take a bath?

 

 **Bev:** do it ^

 

 **Benny Boy:** Way later for me.

 **Benny Boy:** I won’t be ready for a while I’m still recuperating. I HATE ALCOHOL!

 

 **Stan the Man:** I need many hours.

 

 **Trashmouth:** GO HARD OR GO HOME. Eddie keeps telling me things that I said and did last night that I don’t remember. I guess I browned out a bit.

 

 **Eddie:** You kept making us do shots!

 

 **Stan the Man:** He is the worst enabler.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Wait a minute...who changed Eddie’s nickname in the CHAT?!

 

 **Eddie:** I did it while drunk damn it. Don’t change it bitch.

 

 **Trashmouth:** NO EDS

 

_Richie Tozier set the nickname for Eddie Kaspbrak to Eds_

 

 **Eds:** I despise you.

 

 **Trashmouth:** Love you too, Darling.

 

 **Benny Boy:** I got sick last night after I left *dead emoji* so upset haha

 

 **Mikey Mike:** Listen I threw up because of Richie

 

 **Trashmouth:** My favorite was Mike being like “Richieeeeee do I have vomit on my shirt?!!!” And I was just like “Yeah, but that’s ok Mikey” and then you almost cried.

 

 **Stan the Man:** Correction: He did cry.

 

 **Mike:** It was my favorite shirt!

 

 **Stan the Man:** Didn’t I give you that shirt years ago? It’s so old, no need to be upset.

 

 **Mikey Mike:** MY FAVORITE SHIRT STANLEY!!!

 

 **Benny Boy:** I’m sure we can get the vomit out of it!

 

 **Eds:** Can we stop talking about vomit, it’s disgusting!

 

 **Big Bill:** i have some really cool news everyone

 

 **Trashmouth:** What’s the news Billy boy?!

 

 **Big Bill:** so i entered a script into a young artists category for a film festival in Bangor and they ACCEPTED ME!

 **Big Bill:** georgie just threw the packet at my hungover face and i cant even be mad

 

 **Eds:** BILL THAT’S AMAZING!

 **Eds:** Also I love that kid

 

 **Trashmouth:** THE FESTIVAL WHERE YOU MADE ME READ YOUR SCRIPT 100S OF TIMES?!

 

 **Big Bill:** YES!

 

 **Trashmouth:** FUCK YEAH DENBROUGH!

 

 **Stan the Man:** He must be excited because he used exclamation points.

 

 **Bev:** THAT’S INCREDIBLE BABE! WHAT A BOSS! Stanley, be fucking supportive.

 

 **Stan the Man:**  Congratulations, Bill.

 

 **Mikey Mike:**  That’s amazing Bil!!

 

 **Benny Boy:**  Don’t forget us when you’re famous!

 

**** Bill and Unknown ****

**Unknown:** hey bill

 **Unknown:** hows it going this is mike

 

 **Bill:**  did you get a new number

 

 **Unknown:**  what no

 **Unknown:**  sorry mike wheeler

 

 **Bill:** um…nice to meet you but how do you know me and how do i know you

 

 **Unknown:**  i see you havent bothered to look at your packet great start man

 

 **Bill:** packet of what

 **Bill:** what the fuck is happening

 

 **Unknown:**  im going to be your production manager and director for the bangor film festival young artists competition

 

 **Bill:** ohhhhhhhhh then hi mike wheeler

 **Bill:** sorry my brother threw it at my face like a couple minutes ago

 **Bill:** but if you led with that i wouldnt have been so confused

 

 **Unknown:**  i needed to see what kind of screen writer we are working with

 

 **Bill:** you cant get a good gauge from someone who basically just woke up

 **Bill:** or through text either

 

 **Unknown:**  add me to your contacts so i can add you to the group chat

 

 **Bill:** what group chat

 

 **Unknown:** the crew youll be working with

 **Unknown:**  they are some of my best people

 **Unknown:** your script is outstanding

 

 **Bill:**  oh thankssss

 **Bill:** when did you get your packet

 

 **Unknown:**  10 minutes ago

 

 **Bill:**  damn eager to get started

 

 **Unknown:** we did it last year and we were robbed of first place

 **Unknown:** that will not happen again

 **Unknown:** add me bill

 

 **Bill:** ok ok

 

_Bill Denbrough added Mike Wheeler to contacts_

 

 **Mike:**  perfect

 

 **Bill:** woah you look just like one of my best friends

 

 **Mike:** he must be a good looking guy

 

 **Bill:**  he certainly thinks so

 **Bill:** also your name being mike is going to confuse me too much

 

_Bill Denbrough set the nickname for Mike Wheeler to Mike Wheels_

 

 **Mike Wheels:** pretty early in our partnership to be giving nicknames

 

 **Bill:** all my friends and i do is give each other nicknames get used to it dude

 

 **Mike Wheels:**  well then

 

_Mike Wheeler set the nickname for Bill Denbrough to Bill Bro_

 

 **Bill Bro:** haha i like it i am kind of a bro

 **Bill Bro:** a bro artist and writer but a bro nonetheless

 

 **Mike Wheels:** perfect to the group chat we go

 

****Stranger Things Crew - Bill, Mike W, El, Lucas, Max, Will, Dustin****

**#11:** Mike don't bother the guy yet it isn't even noon

 

 **Mike:** too late weve been talking im adding him now

 

 **#11:** He's going to hate us before he's met us

 

_Mike Wheeler added Bill Denbrough to the group_

_Mike Wheeler set the nickname for Bill Denbrough to Bill Bro_

 

 **Sinning Lucas:** You’ve already given him a nickname! How long have you been talking?

 

 **Bill Bro:**  less than 20 mins sup new friends

 

_Bill Denbrough set the nickname for Mike Wheeler to Mike Wheels_

 

 **Sinning Lucas:**  Oh my god, this guy is hilarious.

 

 **Bill Bro:** why thank you i try

 

 **Mike Wheels:**  for those awake please introduce yourselves

 

 **#11:**  Hi Bill. I’m El, your director of photography.

 **#11:**  I’m also the girlfriend of Mr. Mike Wheeler. He is a little excited and I’m sorry if he bothered you so early

 

 **Bill Bro:**  its all good im excited too

 

 **Sinning Lucas:**  I’m Lucas, Key Grip. My partner, Max, is the Chief Lighting Technician.

 

 **Mad Max:**  That’s me! Morning stalkers.

 

 **Bill Bro:** nice to meet you both

 

 **Mad Max:**  I should probably mention that my pronouns are she/her, since my name and being called Lucas’s partner implies I might be a he/him. Haha

 

 **Sinning Lucas:** Whoops, didn’t think of that. lol

 

 **#11:** They are partners on and off set. *winky emoji*

 

 **Mike Wheels:**  el we need to set an example and be professional

 

 **#11:**  That’s asking too much of me.

 

 **Willamon roll:**  Look who’s talking Mr. “I don’t use proper grammar or punctuation”. Isn’t that kind of unprofessional?

 

 **Mike Wheels:** i dont have time to worry about such trivial things

 

 **Bill Bro:**  i couldnt agree with you more

 

 **Mad Max:** Oh no, Bill does it too.

 

 **Bill Bro:**  i spend hours editing my writing every day so when i text it is me saying fuck you to grammar and punctuation

 

 **Mike Wheels:**  my kind of man

 

 **Bill Bro:** my friend stan hates it with all his being

 

 **Willamon roll:** Also, hey! I’m Will. Storyboard Artist/Production Sound Mixer/Special Effects Supervisor/Post-Production Supervisor/Film Editor

 

 **Mike Wheels:** Will is my rock.

 

 **Willamon roll:**  I do all the things and never sleep.

 

 **Bill Bro:** i have insominia so i feel your pain

 

 **Mike Wheels:** now if that lazy ass camera operator would wake up we will be golden

 

 **Willamon roll:** You know the dumbass love of my life sleeps past noon usually.

 

 **Mike Wheels:** im calling him

 

 **Willamon roll:** Please don’t.

 

 **Mike Wheels:** too late its ringing

 

 **Mad Max:**  Sorry Bill. Mike has 0.00 chill.

 

 **Bill Bro:** im here for the ride haha

 

 **Mike Wheels:**  and he hung up on me

 **Mike Wheels:** he is forcing me to radio him

 

 **Sinning Lucas:** What part of “we radio for emergencies only” do you not understand, Mike?

 

 **Mike Wheels:**  i didnt agree to that rule and this is an emergency

 

 **Mad Max:**  This definitely is not.

 

 **Bill Bro:** radio him how

 

 **#11:**  He means use walkie talkies. Mike! Let him sleep!

 

 **Mike Wheels:**  he can sleep when hes dead

 

 **Bill Bro:** morbid

 

 **Willamon roll:** He’s going to be so mad.

 

 **Dusty:** Mike you son of a bitch

 **Dusty:**  It isn’t even noon. I hate you.

 

 **Willamon roll:** I’m so so sorry, I tried to stop him, D.

 

 **Mike Wheels:**  theres dustin

 **Mike Wheels:**  and now youve met all of the stranger things crew

 

 **Willamon roll:** Mike, we are your best friends.

 

 **Mike Wheels:** details

 

 **Dusty:** Debating dropping him. This friendship is toxic on my sleeping patterns.

 

 **Sinning Lucas:**  We are his ONLY friends.

 

 **Mad Max:** HAHAHA! So true.

 

 **Mike Wheels:** youre still on thin ice with me maxine

 

 **Mad Max:** Can’t get rid of me now Michael!

 

 **Bill Bro:**  so i will be honest and say i have no idea what any of your jobs entail

 **Bill Bro:** this is my first time making a movie

 

 **Mike Wheels:** excuse me

 

 **#11:** SERIOUSLY?!

 

 **Sinning Lucas:**  How is that possible?!

 

 **Mad Max:** NO WAY!!

 

 **Willamon roll:** W O W S H O O K

 

 **Dusty:** Why are we all freaking out?

 

 **Mike Wheels:** because we have a complete amateur as our freaking writer

 

 **#11:** That’s not why, hun. It’s because Bill is ridiculously talented for never having done this before!! Your script is out of this world!

 

 **Bill Bro:** thanks haha

 

 **Willamon roll:** But it wasn’t your first time writing a script was it?

 

 **Bill Bro:** um yeah it was

 

 **Willamon roll:** OH MY GOD!

 

 **Mad Max:** WE ARE GOING TO CRUSH EVERYONE!

 

 **#11:**  THIS IS INSANE

 

 **Sinning Lucas:** WE HIT THE JACKPOT! I LOVE THE STORY!

 

 **Dusty:**  I haven’t read the script yet but from everyone’s reaction I think we got ourselves a winner.

 

 **Mike Wheels:**  dont speak too soon we still have to make the film

 

 **#11:** With someone as organized as you, it is going to be a damn masterpiece.

 

 **Mike Wheels:** only because our dp is perfection in human form

 

 **Dusty:** You two are nauseating.

 

 **Mike Wheels:** alright so bill i assume you know what a director is

 **Mike Wheels:**  i work with you and the cast and the crew to bring our vision to life

 **Mike Wheels:** as production manager i handle the physical aspects of the production including

personnel

technology

budget

scheduling

 

 **#11:** As DP or Director of Photography, I’m in charge of the look of the movie shots, and make decisions on lighting and framing of shots in conjunction with the Mike and advice from Max.

 

 **Dusty:** I point the camera where our son of a bitch director or our Queen DP wants it.

 

 **Mike Wheels:**  lazy ass

 

 **Willamon roll:** I’d like to see you try and even lift a camera, Mike.

 

 **Bill Bro:**  hahaha incredible

 

 **Mad Max:** My position is also called Gaffer but Mike prefers Chief Lighting Technician.

 

 **Mike Wheels:** sounds more business like

 

 **Mad Max:** Yes, because I scream “business-like”.

 

 **Sinning Lucas:**  Busy business lady who only knows business.

 

 **Mad Max:** Clearly. Haha. Anyway, I’m responsible for the design of the lighting plan for a production.

 

 **Sinning Lucas:**  As Key Grip, I work with Max to put in the non-electrical components of lighting set-ups required for a shot.

 

**Bill Bro:** guy who moves the things

 

**Sinning Lucas:** That’s what I do!

 

**Bill Bro:** got it awesome

 

**Willamon roll:** Alright, brace yourself for all my jobs.

 

**Bill Bro:** im ready

 

**Willamon roll:** Storyboard artist - create visual images to help you, Mike and whoever our production designer is communicate their ideas to the production team

 

**Mike Wheels:** note to self get us a production designer asap

 

**Willamon roll:** Production Sound Mixer - Operate the audio mixer and recorders which receive feeds from the microphones on set

**Willamon roll:** Special Effects Supervisor - Incharge of any explosions, burns, collapsing and imploding without destroying the film set. I’m also responsible for reproducing weather conditions

 

**Bill Bro:** damn will

 

**Dusty:** On-camera MAGIC MAN

 

**Willamon roll:** Haha thanks D

 

**Dusty:** The most creative person you’ll ever meet.

 

**Willamon roll:** I love you but you are embarrassing me.

 

**Dusty:** That’s my job.

 

**Willamon roll:** Film Editor - Edit the shit out of whatever I am given by the end of shooting

 

**Mike Wheels:** you make it sound like i dont give you enough material to make a movie

 

**Willamon roll:** Sometimes…YOU FORGET TO SHOOT A SCENE

 

**#11:** That was ONE TIME.

 

**Willamon roll:** Post-Production Supervisor - Make sure the film becomes a motherfucking movie

**Willamon roll:** The end

 

**Dusty:** *clapping emoji*

 

**Mike Wheels:** alright any questions

 

**Bill Bro:** many but i guess what do you need from me at this point

 

**Mike Wheels:** ill send a schedule today but next weekend we are starting auditions

 

**Bill Bro:** holy crap you move fast

 

**#11:** Mike will not be denied first place again

 

**Mike Wheels:** the competition must be destroyed and that starts with a spectacular cast

**Mike Wheels:** i already know who the lead actress should be so we will just have her come in for screen tests the following week to see if you agree

 

**#11:** Audra Phillips?

 

**Mike Wheels:** of course

 

**Bill Bro:** cant wait to get started with you strange group of people   
  


****The Losers Club Chat****

**Big Bill:** haha thanks club

 

**Mikey Mike:** So they picked your script, what happens next?

 

**Big Bill:** well im talking to the crew right now and we will meet soon to storyboard

**Big Bill:** they are all high school students like us and crazy but hilarious

**Big Bill:** then we hold auditions which are so soon ahhhhhh

**Big Bill:** then we get started

 

**Trashmouth:** CAST ME!!!

 

**Big Bill:** no rich

 

**Trashmouth:** But I have the script memorized because of my photographicish memory!!!

 

**Big Bill:** you have to audition richie

 

**Trashmouth:** I can audition for things!

 

**Big Bill:** and you have to show up to film every scene you are in

 

**Trashmouth:** I will do it!

 

**Big Bill:** and possibly wake up early for a shoot like 5am

 

**Trashmouth:** oh screw that hard pass

 

**Eds:** Useless boy.

 

**Trashmouth:** You’re not a morning person either!

 

**Eds:** That’s because I need my beauty rest.

****Eddie and Bill Chat****

**Eddie:** Hey Big Bill!

 

**Big Bill:** hey eddie

 

**Eddie:** Huge congratulations for the Festival, you are amazing.

 

**Big Bill:** thank you so muchhhhh

**Big Bill:** the director has already been texting me and he is kinda crazy

 

**Eddie:** That’s really cool though!

**Eddie:** How are you feeling otherwise?

 

**Big Bill:** im ok i guess

 

**Eddie:** Are you sure?

 

**Big Bill:** yes

 

**Eddie:** Hmm, okay then

 

**Big Bill:** what is it eddie

 

**Eddie:** …I don’t want to push an issue but…you and Bev seemed a little off at Richie’s party yesterday and you are snapping a lot more which isn’t you.

 

**Big Bill:** youre right you are reading way too much into this and need to mind your own fucking business

 

**Eddie:** ^^ Do you see what I mean?! SNAPPY!

**Eddie:** Look Bill, I’m not here to fight or judge. I’m your friend and I’m worried about you and I just want to know if you’re okay?

 

**Big Bill:** im sorry youre right i don’t mean to take it out on you

**Big Bill:** truth is bev and my relationship is going through a rocky time

 

**Eddie:** I’m sorry about that Bill, but it’s you and Bev. You two will work it out.

 

**Big Bill:** this time it’s different eddie i don’t know why but it is

**Big Bill:** i feel like im pushing bev away and the harder i try to hold on the worse it gets i see that im losing her and i don’t know how to stop it

**Big Bill:** and my actions lately arent things im proud of i feel so guilty and hurt at the same time it’s driving me to do awful things

 

**Eddie:** Love makes you do strange things. You need to talk to Bev though. If you keep this all bottled up and continue down this path I can guarantee you will lose her. Talk to her!

 

**Big Bill:** i know im just afraid of what will happen

 

**Eddie:** What can she possibly say that could be so scary?

 

**Big Bill:** that shes in love with one of our best friends

 

**Eddie:** …Wow

 

**Big Bill:** i know

 

**Eddie:** I love Bev, I do. I think the world of her but Bill if you truly think she may be in love with Ben, then you owe it to yourself to get out of that relationship and move on.

**Eddie:** It will hurt, I know and I don’t think anyone will be happy about it but it will be worse if you try and hold onto this relationship. YOU NEED TO TALK TO BEV.

 

**Big Bill:** youre right i know

**Big Bill:** wait eddie how did you know i was referring to ben

**Big Bill:** i didnt mention a name

 

**Eddie:** I….it’s a bit obvious…kinda.

 

**Big Bill:** no its obvious that ben has feelings for bev, not the other way around

 

**Eddie:** I gotta go Bill, mom needs me. Just talk to Bev and stop reading into things I’ve texted to you. FYI, you’re not a fucking detective Bill!

 

**Big Bill:** did richie mention something to you

**Big Bill:** did bev

**Big Bill:** EDDIE

**Big Bill:** YOU CANT JUST GHOST ON ME

**Big Bill:** THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!

****Ben & Bill Chat****

**Benjy:** I just drank a whole pot of coffee by myself. Being hungover has turned me into you.

 

**Billy:** you are doing excellent young pupil now start that next pot and you could become a junior master

 

**Benjy:** You’re blood is actually just coffee isn’t it?!

 

**Billy:** tonights plans are off

 

**Benjy:** Oh! Is everything ok?

 

**Billy:** fine talk later

 

**Benjy:** Ok, see ya Monday then buddy ole pal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much longer chapter than usual! We combined a request with our story and now it is just apart of our story. Let us know what you think of the Stranger Things crossover!


	32. How the turn tables

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben tries to figure out why Bill is mad at him.

****Richie & Beverly Chat****

**Bev Darling:** i told Bill about my crush on Ben this afternoon

**Bev Darling:** i think i only did it because i swear i’m still drunk from last night.

**Bev Darling:** fuck my life

 

**Richie Dear:** Oh my god. How did he react?

 

**Bev Darling:** he was so angry then his stutter came full force. or rather prevented him from yelling coherently at me.

 

**Richie Dear:** Oh shit. That’s really bad.

 

**Bev Darling:** it was horrible Richie and it felt like he knew somehow. I can’t believe I have been that obvious?!

 

**Richie Dear:** You haven’t been! That is super weird.

 

**Bev Darling:** i must have, I know Bill likes to say since he’s a writer he can read situations well but he isn’t that intuned.

 

**Richie Dear:** What exactly did you say?

 

**Bev Darling:** “Please don’t get mad because we both get crushes sometimes. And I want to be honest with you. Lately, I have been feeling like I might have a crush on Ben.”

**Bev Darling:** his face turned 20 shades of color before responding.

 

**Richie Dear:** Jesus

**Richie Dear:** Are we all still hanging out at his place tonight? Should I tell everyone to go to mine instead?

 

**Bev Darling:** he said our fighting shouldnt get in the way of friendship.

 

**Richie Dear:** Well, that’s actually really big of him! Good job Big Bill!

 

**Bev Darling:** yeah...i just can’t shake the feeling that he knew already Rich. the anger he was showing...it was more of a betrayal like he felt he was the last to know?! i must have been hurting him and didn’t even know. I am the worst.

 

**Richie Dear:** No you aren’t. Just don’t worry about it for now. Ok? I’ll be more of a distraction for you tonight when we hang. I’ll even annoy him so his anger is focused on me.

 

**Bev Darling:** why are you so good to me?

 

**Richie Dear:** Our marriage is important to me. You must be protected at all costs.

 

**Bev Darling:** hahaha. i love you my protective husband.

 

****Eddie & Richie Chat****

**Rich❤️:** Bev told Bill about Ben crush

 

**Eds❤️:** I need to hug Bev

 

**Rich❤️:** Hug me

**Rich❤️:** I’m cuter

 

**Eds❤️:** SHAMELESS FLIRTER!!!

 

**Rich❤️:** You fucking told Bill about Bev’s crush didn’t you. Damn traitor.

 

**Eds❤️:** SHIT! YES!!!! I FEEL HORRIBLE AND I DIDN’T MEAN TO. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!

 

**Rich❤️:** And everyone says I’m the idiot. Look at what I’m dating. How the tables have turned.

 

**Eds❤️:** *crying emoji* RICHIE!!

 

**Rich❤️:** How the turn tables.

 

**Eds❤️:** STOP RICHIE! I feel like crap already!

 

**Rich❤️:** How the tables have tabled.

 

**Eds❤️:** How do I fix it?!

 

**Rich❤️:** You cannot my darling. What’s done is done.

 

**Eds❤️:** I’m gonna fling myself off a cliff.

 

**Rich❤️:** NO! We haven’t had sex yet!

 

**Eds❤️:** Are…are you saying that I can kill myself after I have sex with you?

 

**Rich❤️:** I would prefer you didn’t kill yourself at all. But I would like you to not die a virgin.

 

**Eds❤️:** What makes you think I’m a virgin?

 

**Rich❤️:** Because there is no way you’ve had sex before me. We are meant to lose it together.

 

**Eds❤️:** See, I want to be angry but that is also kinda sweet?! So I will settle with “Go fuck yourself.”

 

**Rich❤️:** That’s what I do on the daily while I picture you being with me.

 

**Eds❤️:**  AHHHHH!

**Eds❤️:** BE SERIOUS AND TELL ME HOW TO FIX THIS SITUATION BECAUSE I FEEL TERRIBLE AND SICK AND I SCREWED UP MY BEST FRIENDS’ 5 YEAR RELATIONSHIP!

 

**Rich❤️:** Eds stop! You didn’t screw it all up! It was an unfortunate slip, the overall situation is what has this slip up seem so catastrophic.

 

**Eds❤️:** Are you trying to make me feel better?! Because you’re doing a terrible job at comforting me! I thought you loved me!

 

**Rich❤️:** Of course I love you! My point is my anxious ridden boy toy is that you messed up but it’s not your fault the relationship is so strained! Don’t blame yourself okay! This will blow over in no time!

 

**Eds❤️:** Okay…you really think it will blow over soon?

 

**Rich❤️:** Fuck no but between you and Bev and the two of you spiraling someone has to stay positive

 

**Eds❤️:** Fucking hell.

  
****Ben & Beverly Chat****

**Beauty:** bennie!! why didn’t you come by Bill’s place this tonight??

**Beauty:** i missed you!

**Beauty:** helloooo

 

**Prince Charming:** Hey Bev, I just wasn’t feeling very well today.

 

**Beauty:** oh, i’m sorry! how are you feeling now?

 

**Prince Charming:** A little better, don’t worry about me!

 

**Beauty:** don’t be silly Ben, i will always worry over you.

**Beauty:** i love you!

 

**Prince Charming:** Love you too Bev.

 

**Beauty:** well be sure to rest up, it was weird having everyone there except you.

 

**Prince Charming:** Everyone was there?

 

**Beauty:** well yeah…

 

**Prince Charming:** That’s good, surprised you got Richie and Eddie to come.

 

**Beauty:** haha yeah they have been very hard to get to hang out with us.

**Beauty:** must be all their ‘non’ dating.

 

**Prince Charming:** Yeah Haha

**Prince Charming:** Hey Bev can I ask you something?

 

**Beauty:** of course Ben!

 

**Prince Charming:** Promise me you won’t Bev out though!

 

**Beauty:** …Bev out? i don’t know what you mean but i can’t see how that’s a bad thing.

 

**Prince Charming:** It’s not!!

**Prince Charming:** I admire you for it…I just.

**Prince Charming:** I would prefer if we keep it between us.

 

**Beauty:** …ok

 

**Prince Charming:** Is Bill by any chance angry with me for something?

 

**Beauty:** what??

**Beauty:** of course not Ben. what would make you think that? has he said something to you?

 

**Prince Charming:** No! I was just wondering, but I guess it is all in my head.

 

**Beauty:** of course, you’re the sweetest Ben, no one could ever be angry with you! :)

 

**Prince Charming:** Thanks Bev!

 

**Beauty:** anytime! he’s been in an angry mood because we got into a fight.

 

**Prince Charming:** Oh! Is everything ok?

 

**Beauty:** yes? we don’t fight often so it’s hard to tell when he needs space or needs me.

 

**Prince Charming:** That’s awful. I’m sorry.

 

**Beauty:** it’s fine. you sure you’re okay though, you seem a bit off?

 

**Prince Charming:** I’m good, I promise. Just not feeling too well, that’s it! I promise I’m fine!

 

**Beauty:** okay, just know I’m here for you…if you want to talk.

 

**Prince Charming:** I know, thanks! I’m here for you too.

 

****Ben & Mike Chat****

**Ben’s a 10:** Mike!!

 

**Mike the Wise:** Benjamin!

 

**Ben’s a 10:** I think Bill is angry with me.

 

**Mike the Wise:** What?? I can’t tell if you’re being serious.

 

**Ben’s a 10:** No I’m being completely serious!

 

**Mike the Wise:** What makes you think this?

 

**Ben’s a 10:** Well I found lately he’s been a bit cold to me or picking on me more than usual...

 

**Mike the Wise:** Ben, I don’t want to sound insensitive because your feelings are totally valid. But are you sure you’re not overthinking this?

**Mike the Wise:** You have that tendency.

 

**Ben’s a 10:** I do Mike, that’s why I didn’t mention anything.

**Ben’s a 10:** I kind of thought it had to do with guilt...about my feelings over Bev...

 

**Mike the Wise:** Yeah...

 

**Ben’s a 10:** But….but now I have some proof!

 

**Mike the Wise:** Which is? This isn’t a tv show Ben, we don’t need dramatic pauses!

 

**Ben’s a 10:** Sorry! I just...I don’t want to cause any drama between us!

 

**Mike the Wise:** Ben, just tell me what’s happening!

 

**Ben’s a 10:** Okay...He didn’t invite me to come over to his place tonight!

**Ben’s a 10:** When you left me after we had lunch and asked if I was coming I said no because he told me we all weren’t hanging out tonight.

**Ben’s a 10:** Then Bev texted me asking why I didn’t come but mentioned how everyone was there….he literally disinvited me.

**Ben’s a 10:** What did I do Mike? I don’t want to get Bill in trouble because I know there is a reason I just..oh my god do you think he knows how I feel about Bev...

 

**Mike the Wise:** I don’t know.

 

**Ben’s a 10:** I can’t….I think I’m dying….my heart aches and I just…want to drown myself in boiling water

 

**Mike the Wise:** Ben no. Why didn’t you tell me all this when I was with you earlier?

 

**Ben’s a 10:** Because you would have asked Bill what happened and like I said I don’t want to start anything!

 

**Mike the Wise:** He started it by not inviting you! This is not how our group works! We don’t push one another away or divide us and we definitely don’t make any of us feel alone.

 

**Ben’s a 10:** Mikey...it’s okay, I shouldn’t have said anything.

 

**Mike the Wise:** Yes you should! I’m not standing by while my friends are hurting. For now though I’m coming over, so we can talk this out! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you think!


	33. Erratic Pigeon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mike recruits Stanley to confront Bill.

**** Mike & Stan Chat ****

_Today 12:00 AM_

**Mikey:** Are you awake Stanny?

 

 **Stanny:** I am now.

 

 **Mikey:** I’m sorry! Go back to sleep!

 

 **Stanny:** No no, go ahead. What is wrong?

 

 **Mikey:** We’ve got a problem.

 

 **Stanny:** What did Richie do now?

 

 **Mikey:** Surprisingly, nothing.

 

 **Stanny:** That is interesting and out of character.

 

 **Mikey:** Bill purposely excluded Ben from hanging out with all of us last night.

 

 **Stanny:** That does not surprise me.

 

 **Mikey:** Do you know why?

 

 **Stanny:** I have some theories.

 

 **Mikey:** Ok…you gonna tell me?

 

 **Stanny:** I cannot tell you. However, I can guarantee Bill’s reasoning is idiotic and childish.

 

 **Mikey:** And insensitive!

 

 **Stanny:** What are feelings?

 

 **Mikey:** STANLEY

 

 **Stanny:** Sorry, my humor is like an erratic pidgeon.

 

 **Mikey:** That’s a confusing comparison. Will you talk to Bill?

 

 **Stanny:** If he brings it up first because confrontation gives me a rash.

 

 **Mikey:** If you don’t talk about it, I will sometime tomorrow.

 

 **Stanny:** Great. I will be saying a Jewish prayer that he will not bring it up to me.

 

 **Mikey:** Is there even a prayer for that? Lol

 

 **Stanny:** We have a prayer for EVERYTHING.

 **Stanny:** I will probably do the one when you wake up in the morning…I have not done it in years so it will be a nice surprise for God.

 

 **Mikey:** How does it go?

 

 **Stanny:** מוֹדֶה אֲנִי לְפָנֶיךָ מֶלֶךְ חַי וְקַיָּם שֶׁהֶחֱזַרְתָּ בִּי

 **Stanny:** נִשְׁמָתִי בְּחֶמְלָה, רַבָּה אֱמוּנָתֶךָ.

 **Stanny:** Loosely meaning - I give thanks before You, Living and Eternal King, that You have returned within me my soul with compassion; abundant is Your faithfulness.

 

 **Mikey:** You are going to ask for compassion that God won’t make you talk to Bill?

 

 **Stanny:** That would be correct.

 

 **Mikey:** Stannnnnnn, hahahaha. I’m laughing so much.

 

 **Stanny:** Thank you, I try.

 

 **Mikey:** Ok, go back to sleep! We can talk more at coffee.

 

 **Stanny:** I am awake now though. I want to keep texting.

 

 **Mikey:** Stanley, you HATE staying up late. It makes you cranky.

 

 **Stanny:** I am perpetually cranky.

 

 **Mikey:** that’s very true. So let’s hear it then.

 

 **Stanny:** Hear what?

 

 **Mikey:** Describe everyone’s humor with bird explanations. I KNOW you’ve done it already.

 

 **Stanny:** Richie’s humor is like a Toucan’s call, incessant and insufferable.

 **Stanny:** Ben’s jokes are like a hummingbird, gentle and good-natured.

 **Stanny:** Bev’s humor is like a raven, dark and a little scary.

 **Stanny:** Eddie’s humor is like a goose, quick and funny until you realize how true the joke is and then it is just savage.

 **Stanny:** Your humor is like an owl, your jokes are wise and intellectual. Funny because they are true.

 

 **Mikey:** I am dying at all of these.

  


****Eddie & Bill Chat****

**Eddie:** So not talking to me last night was obnoxious.

 **Eddie:** You can ignore me over text all you want but I will just keep messaging.

 **Eddie:** See people think Rich is the most annoying.

 **Eddie:** The truth is I am capable of being ten times more annoying.

 **Eddie:** I would know because I annoy him.

 **Eddie:** I literally annoy the annoying.

 **Eddie:** All the above was literally typed out in less than a minute and this is me calm.

 **Eddie:** So you should fucking answer me or I’ll make your life a nightmare Big Bill.

 **Eddie:** Bill

 **Eddie:** Big Bill

 **Eddie:** Billiam

 **Eddie:** WILLIAM DENBROUGH

 **Eddie:** HEY!!!

 **Eddie:** So tell me, Bill, why wasn’t Ben with us last night?

 

 **Big Bill:** you know why

 

 **Eddie:** Because you’re an immature asshole?!

 

**** Bill & Stanley Chat ****

**Grammarless Bill:** i did something shitty

 

 **Policeman Stan:** What did Richie make you do?

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** nothing it was all me and i feel really guilty about it so dont judge me

 

 **Policeman Stan:** All I do is judge people. You are asking me to take away what truly makes up, Stanley Uris.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** stan be my friend

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Can I be your friend and still judge you?

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** ugh

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Whatever it may be, I am sure Eddie or Richie have done much worse.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** they would never do something like this to a friend

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Does this have anything to do with Ben not being invited to your house yesterday?

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** what the hell

 **Grammarless Bill:** have you become a mutant and can now read minds

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Mike asked if I knew anything about it.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** fuck

 

 **Policeman Stan:** I do not know what you expected. Our friend group is very small. We all noticed Ben was not there.

 **Policeman Stan:** Mike is angry about it.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** well shit

 

 **Policeman Stan:** I am usually not one to encourage coming and talking to me because I think all of this is pointless.

 **Policeman Stan:** If everyone was thinking logically, you would talk this out. Instead, you have to act like children and be absolute idiots who forget how to think.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** is there a point to this rant or am i just going to be insulted all day

 

 **Policeman Stan:** Do not interrupt me, William.

 **Policeman Stan:** My point is, what is going on with you? This is not you. You do not turn your back on friends. Therefore, I am asking, as your friend who is concerned, what is wrong?

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** okay here goes eddie and i were texting yesterday and I mentioned how bev may be in love with one of our friends and he instantly mentioned ben

 **Grammarless Bill:** now i think bev mentioned something to richie and thats how eddie knew who i was talking about or maybe she directly told eddie

 **Grammarless Bill:** either way she fucking told them before me which is such a betrayal then bev and i had a huge fight yesterday because she officially told me about her feelings for ben and we all know how ben feels about her

 **Grammarless Bill:** And a crush wouldnt bother me if she had told me first but also lately i feel like she is slipping away and i dont know how to stop it

 **Grammarless Bill:** i feel whatever i do will just push her more to ben so i got angry and jealous and took it out on him by telling him not to come over but i dont know what to do i dont want to lose bev or ben

 

 **Policeman Stan:** I am speechless.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** stanley help

 

 **Policeman Stan:** How can I, Bill? There was absolutely no punctuation at all in the above.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** Stanley!!!

 

 **Policeman Stan:** I am sorry, I am way out of my depth here.

 **Policeman Stan:** At the end of the day, you hurt Ben.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** i didnt mean to hurt anyone and i do feel guilty i just let my emotions get the best of me

 

 **Policeman Stan:** You need to talk to Ben. That is the only thing I can think to do at this point.

 

 **Grammarless Bill:** alright ill talk to him I guess

 

****Mike and Stan Chat****

**Stanny:** I spoke to Bill.

 

 **Mikey:** Thank you for doing that. I’m sure you were completely uncomfortable.

 

 **Stanny:** I wanted to peel my skin off my body.

 

 **Mikey:** Yikes, that image was horrible.

 

 **Stanny:** I will recover. You have to promise not to bite off Bill’s head. He is going through some unfortunate relationship stuff.

 

 **Mikey:** I will make no such promise. Someone has to defend Ben. Lord knows he won’t defend himself. I would do it for Bill if the roles were reversed!

 

 **Stanny:** We do not deserve Michael Hanlon, guardian angel to all.

 

 **Mikey:** STANLEY! Oh my god, I can’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave us some love!


	34. Thank Fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill needs to talk with Ben but is forced to do it through text when Mike Wheeler makes him go to a surprise audition to cast their lead actress.

****Stranger Things Crew Chat****

**Bill Bro:** hey all whats the schedule for next weekend

 

**Mike Wheels:** check your email

 

**Bill Bro:** too much effort

 

**Mike Wheels:** dont be a typical lazy ass writer

 

**#11:** I actually need to know too.

 

**Mike Wheels:** Saturday and Sunday - Auditions at 10:00AM

 

**Bill Bro:** sure el gets the info and i get sass

 

**#11:** The privilege of being his hookup buddy.

 

**Mike Wheels:** we agreed you wouldnt call us that

 

**Sinning Lucas:** Last time she did her dad had a conniption!

 

**Dusty:** Sheriff Hopper turned all kinds of colors in his face.

 

**Bill Bro:** youre dating the sheriff’s daughter that is hysterical

 

**Willamon Roll:** Mike’s his favorite person though. Knows his daughter likes to mess with him.

 

**Mike Wheels:** oh shit

**Mike Wheels:** change of plans bill we need you to come to bangor today because audra the female i want to push as our lead can only do screen tests today shes booked the next couple weekends

 

**#11:** We get to meet you in person!!

 

**Dusty:** You’ve known us textually for a day, hate Mike yet? You can be honest cause we all do.

 

**Mike Wheels:** fuck off dustin

 

**Bill Bro:** umm can we do it another time

 

**Mike Wheels:** what

 

**Bill Bro:** can we meet another day

 

**Mike Wheels:** no i read what was written i was giving you the chance to change your answer

 

**#11:** Mike if it isn’t a good time we can do it another day.

 

**Mike Wheels:** el no it has to be done today we know this

 

**Bill Bro:** well can it be done without me there

 

**Mike Wheels:** for the love of god

 

**#11:** Calm Mike. Bill, why can’t you make it today?

 

**Bill Bro:** i just really need to speak with a friend

 

**Mike Wheels:** oh you need to speak with a friend

 

**Sinning Lucas:** Here we go...

 

**Mike Wheels:** thats why we have to put everything on a hold because bill needs to speak with a friend

 

**Willamon Roll:** Mike, please don’t yell at Bill yet. He kind of likes us right now.

 

**Bill Bro:** i do like you guys

 

**Willamon Roll:** SEE! Don’t ruin this for us!

 

**Mike Wheels:** ITS NOT LIKE THERE IS AN INVENTION THAT CAN ALLOW YOU TO COMMUNICATE WITH THIS FRIEND CALLED  A CELL PHONE!!!

 

**Mad Max:** Is it just me or does Mike love text shouting?

 

**Sinning Lucas:** Yeah and I thought he was bad with you!

 

**#11:** Bill if you really need to talk to your friend please do it.

 

**Bill Bro:** no it is fine ill come just know ill be texting the whole time

 

**Mike Wheels:** yeah yeah thats good actually

**Mike Wheels:** she will get nervous that you arent looking up at her audition

**Mike Wheels:** you can see how great she is under pressure

 

**Bill Bro:** sure mike whatever you say

 

****Ben & Bill Chat****

_ Today 3:30 PM _

**Billy:** hey

 

**Benjy:** Hey Bill, what’s up?!

 

**Billy:** i would have done this in person but i have to be at this stupid audition screener that happened last minute in bangor

 

**Benjy:** It’s no problem if you want to talk later we can.

 

**Billy:** no i want to do it now so i can clear the air and dont have you worrying over things

 

**Benjy:** Checks out. I do worry the most.

 

**Billy:** i want to apologize

 

**Benjy:** For what?

 

**Billy:** for uninviting you over yesterday

**Billy:** that was a shitty thing to do

 

**Benjy:** Oh well, it’s okay!

 

**Billy:** it wasnt ok i was being an asshole

 

**Benjy:** I could never think that. Can I ask you why though? What did I do to upset you??

 

**Billy:** you didnt do anything

 

**Benjy:** I am sorry if I hurt you in some way.

 

**Billy:** its hard to explain and potentially irrational

 

**Benjy:** Hmm, well I don’t want to push you but I don’t think we should leave things unsaid.

**Benjy:** We are close enough that we can talk things out, no matter what.

**Benjy:** ...Aren’t we?

 

**Billy:** of course we are you are one of my best friends

**Billy:** the problem is there is no going back from a conversation like this

 

**Benjy:** Oh boy, okay I’m getting a bit nervous now.

**Benjy:** I do think it is better to talk it out though! We can get through it!

 

**Billy:** alright but we need to be honest with each other

**Billy:** no bullshit

 

**Benjy:** Of course Bill! I wouldn’t lie to you!

 

**Billy:** do you like bev

 

**Benjy:** Excuse me what

**Benjy:** Bill I….

**Benjy:** Is this what has made you so upset?

**Benjy:** Ya know, maybe you’re right and we should just not do this.

 

**Billy:** ben do you love beverly

 

**Benjy:** Of course, I love you all.

 

**Billy:** no ben

**Billy:** are you IN love with beverly

 

**Benjy:** Love is a strong word

**Benjy:** What really is being IN love!?

 

**Billy:** oh my god you are in love with my girlfriend

 

**Benjy:** Bill, okay I’m sorry, I promised I was going to be honest! You’re right and I do have feelings for Bev.

**Benjy:** It’s okay though because she is in love with you and you both are in love and it’s fine

**Benjy:** I am okay and ready to die alone! Lol

 

**Billy:** how long

 

**Benjy:** Bill, we really don’t need to get into this!

 

**Billy:** HOW LONG

 

**Benjy:** …Since I met her Bill, okay!

 

**Billy:** shit

**Billy:** fuck

**Billy:** mother fucker

**Billy:** the confirmation is so much worse than being in my head

 

**Benjy:** I know you are upset! You have all the right in the world to be, you do!

**Benjy:** But nothing will change Bill, I mean I am not going to say anything! It will be fine.

 

**Billy:** you have basically lied to bev and me for 4 years

**Billy:** everything has changed

 

**Benjy:** No. Bill come on please just…it wasn’t a lie, I just never told you or her how I felt. It was more withholding the truth!

**Benjy:** it’s not like it was ever brought up before either!

**Benjy:** Bill just…I’m sorry…I am so sorry, I’ve tried to get over her I have. I don’t want to ruin anything!

 

**Billy:** stop apologizing its pissing me off

 

**Benjy:** sorry

**Benjy:** I mean…ignore that

 

**Billy:** we have a couple options here ben

 

**Benjy:** Ok, what umm..what are they?

 

**Billy:** 1 you leave the friend group because i cant have you around my girlfriend knowing youre in love with her and have been in love with her for fucking years

2 bev and i leave the friend group except we both know she will never fucking do that

3 you tell bev how you feel and if she reciprocates those feelings then i will leave the friend group

 

**Benjy:** Those are horrible options Bill. How can you want any of these?

 

**Billy:** youre right

**Billy:** if you dont tell her how you feel

**Billy:** i will

 

**Benjy:** Okay. Now you’re just being cruel.

**Benjy:** I get you’re upset Bill, I do but I’ve kept it to myself for this reason alone, so it wouldn’t cause such backlash.

**Benjy:** Now that the truth is out this is how you want to handle it? Either destroy a friendship or force the truth out?!

 

**Billy:** yep

**Billy:** thats exactly how i want to handle it

 

**Benjy:** Fine, I’m not going to be responsible for making you or Bev leave the group. I won’t be the one to destroy that friendship with everyone else, So I’ll leave!

 

**Billy:** no wait

**Billy:** this is dumb

**Billy:** im dumb ben i dont want you to leave

**Billy:** im so so sorry i cant believe what my jealousy is doing to me and to us

 

**Benjy:** Oh thank god, I was literally going to see if you could die from stress because my heart felt like it was failing!

 

**Billy:** im sorry

**Billy:** its on me to figure out my relationship not kick you out as if that will make it easier

 

**Benjy:** I know things will change Bill, but I don’t want our friendship to be ruined! I love you and this group means so much to me…to all of us! I would hate for something like this to be the reason that pulled us apart!

**Benjy:** If you want space I understand but please promise we will be okay and get through this

 

**Billy:** yeah we are okay buddy

 

**Benjy:** Thank fuck

 

**Billy:** ahahahaha

**Billy:** oh my god you cursed

**Billy:** i am laughing so hard

 

**Benjy:** It felt like an appropriate time.

 

**** Bill & Audra Chat ****

**Unknown:** Hey Bill! This is Audra Phillips. I’m so excited to work on your movie!

**Unknown:** Mike sent me the contact list and so I wanted to say hello!

 

_ Bill Denbrough added Audra Phillips to contacts _

 

**Bill:** hey audra im really excited too

**Bill:** mike wasted no time in offering you the role haha

 

**Audra:** When Mike Wheeler knows what he wants, he makes it happen.

**Audra:** Or panics.

 

**Bill:** i gathered that about him

 

**Audra:** I have some questions about the script, if that’s ok to ask you?

**Audra:** I’ll talk to Mike too but I enjoy getting to know the writer since it’s their work I’m doing!

 

**Bill:** sure of course

 

**Audra:** I am sorry about this, but I do need to fangirl at you a little.

 

**Bill:** oh god just know i am an awkward receptor of any praise

 

**Audra:** Noted!

**Audra:** First I want to say that your script made me laugh, cry, actually terrified, and unable to put down when I read it. I don’t know how you made me fall in love with every single incredible character, usually, I barely love the character I am portraying let alone everyone else.

**Audra:** So on behalf of every soul who will ever be blessed to see the short movie or read this screenplay, thank you for sharing this flawless, beautiful story.

 

**Bill:** wow audra

**Bill:** it is an honor to work with someone who connected with the characters so entirely and your screen test blew my mind

 

**Audra:** Oh my god, I’m so flattered. I feel like my new idol just told me I’m talented. Haha

 

**Bill:** oh no. i am no idol. lol

 

**Audra:** Sorry if that made you uncomfortable! I have zero chill about people, books, movies, and things I love.

 

**Bill:** you saying you love me audra?

 

**Audra:** What?! Oh my god! I can’t believe I just said that!

 

**Bill:** at least buy a guy dinner first

 

**Audra:** Oof you must think I’m crazy.

 

**Bill:** i in no way think you’re crazy

 

**Audra:** Oh good. *laughing emoji*

**Audra:** I’m really relieved you enjoyed my screen test because since you were texting for a lot of it I thought for SURE you hated it.

 

**Bill:** i’m sorry about that i’m usually not that rude but i’ve got a lot of drama happening in my friend group. i wanted to talk to them in person but mike yelled at me that i had to see your screen test in person.

 

**Audra:** Oh no. Damn it Mike and his high maintenance ways. He could have just shown you the footage later.

 

**Bill:** he wanted to cast you immediately and get you on the schedule

 

**Audra:** Haha. You aren’t supposed to reveal these things to me, Bill!!

 

**Bill:** oh shit. i’m new at this.

 

**Audra:** Really? None of your scripts have been made into films?

 

**Bill:** well i’ve never written a script before. this is my first one.

 

**Audra:** NO WAY!! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?! YOU ARE SO TALENTED!!

 

**Bill:** thanks i mean i write a lot and i had an idea for a play but then it turned into a screenplay then i submitted it to the festival and here we are

 

**Audra:** I am so honored to work on your first film with you!

 

**Bill:** i am pumped

 

**Audra:** Did everything with your friend work out alright though?

 

**Bill:** we figured things out mostly, now i have to have an unpleasant in person talk with my girlfriend.

 

**Audra:** Yikes. Hey Bill, I would like to buy you coffee and talk more if you want to! About your script or life or nothing at all haha

 

**Bill:** i drink so much coffee that it runs in my veins so absolutely. what are you doing after school later in the week?

 

**Audra:** I’ve got nothing Thursday!

 

**Bill:** great then we should meet up then

 

**Audra:** Whoo!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave us a comment! And we are not ending at chapter 35, we are just starting a sequel continuation!


	35. i will leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill and Beverly's relationship problems come to a tipping point.

****Eddie, Mike, Richie, Stanley Chat****

**Richie:** Gentleman, we need to have a word. Are you near your phones?

 

 **Eddie:** GUYS GUYS GUYS ANSWER US

 **Eddie:** HELLOOOOOOO

 

 **Stanley:** What do you two want?

 

 **Mike:** I am here, where’s the fire? (I hope there isn’t actually a fire)

 

 **Richie:** In a hypothetical world, if Beverly and Bill were to break up, who are you two siding with?

 

 **Mike:** Haha nice try but I am not touching that with a ten foot pole.

 

 **Stanley:** Bill

 

 **Mike:** STANLEY NO!

 

 **Eddie:** GAH STAN!!

 

 **Richie:** I knew it.

 

 **Stanley:** What? Richie, Eddie and I have to side with him because we have known him longer.

 

 **Eddie:** See Richie!!!

 **Eddie:** That’s exactly what I said.

 

 **Richie:** WE CAN’T ABANDON MY WIFE, EDS! We are siding with Bev. You have no say in the matter.

 

 **Eddie:** Excuse you, I have free will!!

 

 **Richie:** Not with this!

 

 **Eddie:** And I’m not “abandoning” anyone! Just the side I have to pick is Bill.

 

 **Richie:** ABANDONER!!

 

 **Eddie:** Come on Richie, you are being unreasonable.

 

 **Richie:** Yes I fucking am. I promised her we would take her side.

 

 **Eddie:** Well that wasn’t your promise to make for me.

 

 **Richie:** I would do it if you asked me to side with someone.

 

 **Eddie:** Alright Richie, I want us to side with Bill.

 

 **Richie:** NO! HE PUNCHED ME!

 

 **Eddie:** FOUR YEARS AGO!

 

 **Mike:** GUYS! Is this hypothetical? Or real? Because it is feeling real and I am scared about it.

 **Mike:** Also, why isn’t Ben included in this.

 

 **Stanley:** Ben’s the reason they are breaking up in this hypothetical instance.

 

 **Mike:** What? Why?

 

 **Stanley:** Ben is in love with Beverly and Beverly likes Ben.

 

 **Mike:** HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS?!

 

 **Richie:** WHO TOLD YOU?!

 

 **Stanley:** I am very observant.

 

 **Eddie:** You are not THAT observant, Stanley.

 

 **Stanley:** Fine, Bill told me.

 

 **Mike:** Okay look, I understand ‘the siding’ concern...but seriously what about Ben? We can’t leave him.

 

 **Eddie:** Oh fuck me!

 

 **Richie:** Ok

 

 **Eddie:** Richie, not the time for your nonsense!

 

 **Richie:** Sorry, focusing.

 

 **Eddie:** You think there will be a three way?

 **Eddie:** We did not factor this in!

 

 **Richie:** I didn’t factor this in either. Who’s joining our three-way Eddie? *Winky emoji*

 

 **Eddie:** SERIOUSLY THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR THIS SHIT RICHY!

 

 **Richie:** Damn that nickname.

 

 **Stanley:** Logically, it should go:

Richie and Bev

Mike and Ben

Bill, Eddie, and me

 

 **Eddie:** Umm…idk. Shouldn’t Rich be with me

 

 **Mike:** Hmmmm, why is it important for Richie to be with you, Eddie? ❤️

 

 **Eddie:** and Bill, obviously!!!

 

 **Mike:** Hmmm sure

 

 **Eddie:** They’ve been friends forever!

 **Eddie:** Whatever Richie can do what he wants!

 

 **Richie:** Eds…

 **Richie:** W E. A R E. G O I N G. W I T H. B E V E R L Y!

 

 **Eddie:** FINE!!

 

 **Stanley:** It did not take a lot to convince you.

 

 **Richie:** I’m very persuasive with my good looks and charm.

 

 **Eddie:** Shut up!

  
  


_Later_

 

 **Eddie:** HELP

 

 **Richie:** Eds and I FUCKED UP!

 

 **Stanley:** What did you two idiot gays do now?

 

 **Eddie:** Do you mean guys?

 

 **Stanley:** No

 

 **Mike:** Now Stan, let them explain before you call them idiots.

 

 **Eddie:** So we told you how we went to Beverly’s after school, trying to calm her down because her and Bill are having a big talk today about their relationship. Then we left but I left my phone at her place, so we went back to get it except Bill was already there.

 **Eddie:** So we snuck in through her window, then Richie broke the branch on her tree that we used to get into the house and now we are TRAPPED.

 

 **Richie:** We can hear everything that they are saying in the living room and it’s not good.

 

 **Stanley:** May I call them idiots now?

 

 **Mike:** I will do it. YOU IDIOTS! This is a total invasion of their privacy!!!!

 

 **Stanley:** Tell us what is happening.

 

 **Mike:** Seriously though, what are they saying?!

 

 **Richie:** Hypocrites

 

 **Eddie:** Holy shit….oh god

 

 **Mike:** TELL US

 

 **Richie:** Bill was about to leave but Bev stopped him by saying they need to talk about whatever has him behaving like an ass!

 

 **Eddie:** it was silent till he said “Alright, let’s talk about Ben!”

 

 **Richie:** Oh my fucking god. Bill just said, “When Ben gave you a kiss on the cheek at New Years, you blushed and looked at him the way you used to look at me. Like I was the only person in the room.”

 

 **Stanley:** I did not know he kissed her!

 

 **Eddie:** He did have a lot of champagne. He kissed me on the forehead like 5 times.

 

 **Mike:** Oh wow. Bill’s been feeling this way since then?

 

 **Eddie:** No, even before that. He says since Ben gave her the necklace.

 

 **Mike:** I knew that infinity necklace was a mistake!

 

 **Eddie:** Did you know Ben was in love with her? I just thought it was a crush and he was over it.

 

 **Mike:** Alright, revelation time. He’s been in love with her since they met.

 

 **Stanley:** No, shit, Mike.

 

 **Richie:** THAT IS SO WEIRD! Bill just said Ben told him that too!

 

 **Eddie:** Has he actually told you this in person, Mike?

 

 **Mike:** Oh yes…we have had MANY conversations about it.

 

 **Stanley:** What is Beverly saying?

 

 **Eddie:** She’s really angry that he kept this from her. I guess he confronted Ben about everything at some point.

 

 **Richie:** She says she’s been honest about everything going on with her and he hasn’t been.

 

 **Stanley:** He has tried but we all know talking about his feelings is not Bill’s favorite activity.

 

 **Eddie:** I don’t know, when he is angry enough he sure is an open book.

 **Eddie:** He’s vicious actually, and that’s coming from me!

 

 **Richie:** Eddie told Bill about Beverly’s crush on Ben btw.

 **Richie:** Bill’s been PISSED at him since.

 

 **Mike:**  YIKES

 

 **Eddie:** AHHHHHHHHH

 **Eddie:** RICHIE WHY!!

 

 **Stanley:** Bill is not mad at you.

 

 **Eddie:** Thank fuck

 **Eddie:** wait, how do you know this?

 

 **Stanley:** We talked about it. He was more angry at Beverly and Ben than you.

 

 **Mike:** DOUBLE YIKES

 

 **Eddie:** That doesn’t make me feel better.

 

 **Richie:** Holy shit, Beverly threw a shoe at Bill.

 **Richie:** Had to hide my face in a pillow to not laugh.

 

 **Eddie:** He is no help!

 **Eddie:** I AM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT! What are we supposed to do?!?!?

 

 **Richie:** Guys…fuck…

 

 **Eddie:** I can’t bear to type it. You do it Rich.

 

 **Richie:** Bill - “Do you love me?”

Bev - “Yes”

Bill - “Do you love him?”

Bev - “Yes”

Bill - “Are you IN love with him?”

Bev - “Maybe? I don’t know.”

Bill - “Are you IN love with me?”

 

 **Mike:** Oh my god don’t say it.

 

 **Eddie:** She didn’t answer him!!!!!!

 **Eddie:** I’m in pain by this and I’m ready to throw myself out the window

 

 **Stanley:** Fuck me

 

 **Eddie:** Wow…um…Bill just said “I don’t want to be together when you are in love with someone else.” And left.

 

 **Stanley:** I am going to Bill’s. I will text you all later.

 

 **Mike:** I’ll go tell Ben everything. We can’t keep this from him.

 

 **Eddie:** Bev just walked in and threw herself at Richie and is now sobbing. I gotta put away my phone to get out the tissues and maybe some Advil for later. Talk to you all after.

  
  


****The Losers Club Chat****

**Benny Boy:** Soooo….I don’t really want to bring up a sore topic, but considering the news of what happened I can’t help but feel….I have a part to play in all of this….I don’t know a lot of the details, just ya know the basics but considering all the drama lately…I just, sigh….

 **Benny Boy:** In order to make things less awkward within the group and also for me to avoid any sort of confrontation, I will leave….just till things settle??!

 **Benny Boy:** I think this is for the best….I love you all!

 

 **Mike:** No, Ben. You shouldn’t leave. Don’t be like that.

 

 **Eds:** This isn’t on you!

 

 **Trashmouth:** Jesus Haystack. No need to be a damn martyr.

 

 **Stan the Man:** You are all being incredibly immature.

 

 **Big Bill:** i will leave

 

 **Bev:** Bill…

 

**_Bill Denbrough has left the group_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST! We are sorry! Thank you so much for reading all our part 1 chapters! More to come with our sequel.
> 
> Click here for the sequel: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14333055/chapters/33076992

**Author's Note:**

> Come make chat suggestions for us at https://wearethelosersclub.tumblr.com
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
